(no subject)
[mood| 
sad]
[music| "Fix You" - Coldplay]
Okaaay. Here is my "you-are-now-my-therapist-whom-I-shall-spill-my-heart-out-to" journal entry.
Firstly, you should know that I am most likely failing all four of my classes. Yep, you heard right; four. Its just that I dont care about classes that I dont like. I wasnt really like that last semester. I got a 3.5 for God's sake! But I wasnt there half the time because I had to go back home for doctor's visits and such. Seven hour drives are hell. Plus, my combination of meds I was taking couldnt have been worse. On two occasions, I wasnt able to wake up for class. The one time I missed a final. Not good. And my roommate told me she yelled, shook, and, most likely, hit me to wake me up. No such luck.
It seems nothing wants to go my way anymore. No medication work for me (and most the strongest you can get without knocking you out). I know I'm not taking them now but missing a final because of medication is just ridiculous. Yeah. last semester wasnt good for me. But this one is worse (at times). I am taking 3 online classes through my school in Missouri. Two are English classes (SHOOT ME!) and the other is Economics. One English class I dont even do. I have an 18% or something. I know you are probably yelling at me through your monitor right now but I just dont care anymore.
My life would be so different if I never had my ever-present back problem. I would probably a lot happier because, lets face it, I'm not. I would probably still love soccer, still be playing it, gotten a full scholarship to play soccer at a big school, and gotten better grades. Even if my first surgery had work, I would have most of the things I just listed. But now, I dont play soccer anymore (as of recently), I played at a small Div. 1 school that sucks at soccer, and I'm failing in school.
Ever since I was diagnosed with my back problem five years ago, I never got any better at soccer. I have been stuck at the Under-14 level of play and I HATE it.
Have I mentioned that none of the treatment/therapy has worked for me? Well, it hasnt. You name it, I've done it. Physical therapy, steroid injections, massage, accupuncture, rest, chiropractors, braces, ice, heat, surgery, and most recently, a treatment called VAX-D. It got rid of my three herniated disks but it seems I have a problem with my sacrum now? There will be no end to it, I swear.
All in all, its just getting to me. I know I can be so much better (and happy) than I am now but I'm not because of my back. I stil havent ranted enough.
Actually, I have because if I dont stop now, I will literally write a book (and that isnt including the first 14 years of my life).
sad]
[music| "Fix You" - Coldplay]
Okaaay. Here is my "you-are-now-my-therapist-whom-I-shall-spill-my-heart-out-to" journal entry.
Firstly, you should know that I am most likely failing all four of my classes. Yep, you heard right; four. Its just that I dont care about classes that I dont like. I wasnt really like that last semester. I got a 3.5 for God's sake! But I wasnt there half the time because I had to go back home for doctor's visits and such. Seven hour drives are hell. Plus, my combination of meds I was taking couldnt have been worse. On two occasions, I wasnt able to wake up for class. The one time I missed a final. Not good. And my roommate told me she yelled, shook, and, most likely, hit me to wake me up. No such luck.
It seems nothing wants to go my way anymore. No medication work for me (and most the strongest you can get without knocking you out). I know I'm not taking them now but missing a final because of medication is just ridiculous. Yeah. last semester wasnt good for me. But this one is worse (at times). I am taking 3 online classes through my school in Missouri. Two are English classes (SHOOT ME!) and the other is Economics. One English class I dont even do. I have an 18% or something. I know you are probably yelling at me through your monitor right now but I just dont care anymore.
My life would be so different if I never had my ever-present back problem. I would probably a lot happier because, lets face it, I'm not. I would probably still love soccer, still be playing it, gotten a full scholarship to play soccer at a big school, and gotten better grades. Even if my first surgery had work, I would have most of the things I just listed. But now, I dont play soccer anymore (as of recently), I played at a small Div. 1 school that sucks at soccer, and I'm failing in school.
Ever since I was diagnosed with my back problem five years ago, I never got any better at soccer. I have been stuck at the Under-14 level of play and I HATE it.
Have I mentioned that none of the treatment/therapy has worked for me? Well, it hasnt. You name it, I've done it. Physical therapy, steroid injections, massage, accupuncture, rest, chiropractors, braces, ice, heat, surgery, and most recently, a treatment called VAX-D. It got rid of my three herniated disks but it seems I have a problem with my sacrum now? There will be no end to it, I swear.
All in all, its just getting to me. I know I can be so much better (and happy) than I am now but I'm not because of my back. I stil havent ranted enough.
Actually, I have because if I dont stop now, I will literally write a book (and that isnt including the first 14 years of my life).