Final Entry!!!! (2003)
I sit back and ponder the things that has happen this year....
the ups and downs, the experiences that i have encountered throughout the whole year, drama between friendships, drama between church young adults, dramatic incident within my family (recently),lonely times, depressing times.....
i think about these for a minute.....and i look at myself now....of all the crap and shiet this year has brought in my life....i am a better person because of all this..i have accepted or so accepted to a certain extent certain situations that wasn't what i first intended things to be....learn to handle/react better when drama comes along....become more mature...or so i think i have become compared to last year...
i look at my last entry..giving shout outs to all those ppl dear and close to me....and i think about those ppl now....i'm glad "some" of those ppl are still close and they have been always there for me till this day...and i so much value their friendship to the outmost respect to each of em... and also those who i've grown apart from....i guess it wasn't meant to last forever...but i still hold those ppl and their friendship with respect.....some more than others though....my motto, "i have mad respect for anybody i meet, however, if any disrespects me, i will lose or disrespect them just as likewise"...and that has occurred to maybe a few when i recall the events that has happen throughout the year....
a close friend has told me one night....that things never end up what you expect things to be.....so deeply true....past 6 months or so...i felt i've considered critical careers paths that i haven't thought before just cuz "things didn't end up as what i first expected things to come out".....the new year is gonna be hella interesting...cuz its gonna break or make me of what my future lies ahead...i've slacked off, procrastinated, and didn't take schooling seriously previous years and this past year...and now i've put myself in a deep fuking hole and serving the consequences for my actions.....so God willing and relying and praying to God will actually start playing a bigger role i believe in 2004....cuz i have felt astray and empty almost this whole year and my spiritual walk...am i saying my new years resolution is to get my spiritual walk on track.....no....cuz i believe or so i think resolution is just a butch of bs....if you want to get things done....got to get your mind set and do it instead of making resolutions or excuses or find a certain memorable day just so u can promise yourself and others you placed a goal....resolutions or goals...should be year round..not just new years....if we place no goals ahead in each of our lives...where the hell are we going in life....and so said...
emotionally.....this year has been more dramatic than past years...gone through so much drama and "other stuff" that i've never imagined going through....man...lol from the very first week of january of 2003...to the end....just stuff this whole year has brought....i can't have regrets.....i can't have regrets.....my emotions tell me one thing...and my mind tells me another....i mean this whole year its been like that...lately...its been more controlled, surpressed,............compromised to a certain extent...lol RJ's new term....(DTR)-->Defining the Relationship...man....established....but....still......then he mentions.....(RTR)--> Redefine the Relationship....lol...i dunno....so many uncertains yet lingers in my heart....i dunno....
to add on to that...this comming year...i already have felt and seen already....friends going their own separate ways......as individuals...moving on with life.....James is no longer around anymore.....friends from school....i won't mention particular names....then again they don't read LJ....just grown part basically...the true test comes...is when they will still remember you and still have you part of their lives...or have been part of their lives during this past year....i already know those who i was close to in school i've grown apart from just because....and only a mere few actually grown stronger this past year...i dunno.....i know for sure...things will never be the same....never go back as how they were originally...because thats part of life....
so what lies in this upcoming year....upcoming near future.....the unexpected......spontaneous....unplanned things that God will bring.....and man.....honestly to be upfront to everybody and to whatever readers......its scares the living hell out of me.....so...whatever this year will bring...i pray...i will rely on God more than before....that i can take whatever the unexpected will bring....the drama whatever it may be....hopefully not too big to handle....man....pray that never too big to handle.....whatever life can bring in my life personally....cuz honestly....its time to change.....change for the better....change old habits...be more responsible with what life has to offer...and take every opportunity that lies before you....basically....cuz once an opportunity is gone...can never get that back......i've lost a few opportunities this past year...and i can't afford to miss out on new opportunities that will come up in 2004...some academically...some emotionally....some personally...some life changing.....events...basically....
conclude everything.........this will be my final LJ entry.....i appreciate all those that have read my journal...left encouraging comments to my entries...means alot to actually have readers and can put their two cents in thats actually meaningful...take carez yall....
peace outz.......
the ups and downs, the experiences that i have encountered throughout the whole year, drama between friendships, drama between church young adults, dramatic incident within my family (recently),lonely times, depressing times.....
i think about these for a minute.....and i look at myself now....of all the crap and shiet this year has brought in my life....i am a better person because of all this..i have accepted or so accepted to a certain extent certain situations that wasn't what i first intended things to be....learn to handle/react better when drama comes along....become more mature...or so i think i have become compared to last year...
i look at my last entry..giving shout outs to all those ppl dear and close to me....and i think about those ppl now....i'm glad "some" of those ppl are still close and they have been always there for me till this day...and i so much value their friendship to the outmost respect to each of em... and also those who i've grown apart from....i guess it wasn't meant to last forever...but i still hold those ppl and their friendship with respect.....some more than others though....my motto, "i have mad respect for anybody i meet, however, if any disrespects me, i will lose or disrespect them just as likewise"...and that has occurred to maybe a few when i recall the events that has happen throughout the year....
a close friend has told me one night....that things never end up what you expect things to be.....so deeply true....past 6 months or so...i felt i've considered critical careers paths that i haven't thought before just cuz "things didn't end up as what i first expected things to come out".....the new year is gonna be hella interesting...cuz its gonna break or make me of what my future lies ahead...i've slacked off, procrastinated, and didn't take schooling seriously previous years and this past year...and now i've put myself in a deep fuking hole and serving the consequences for my actions.....so God willing and relying and praying to God will actually start playing a bigger role i believe in 2004....cuz i have felt astray and empty almost this whole year and my spiritual walk...am i saying my new years resolution is to get my spiritual walk on track.....no....cuz i believe or so i think resolution is just a butch of bs....if you want to get things done....got to get your mind set and do it instead of making resolutions or excuses or find a certain memorable day just so u can promise yourself and others you placed a goal....resolutions or goals...should be year round..not just new years....if we place no goals ahead in each of our lives...where the hell are we going in life....and so said...
emotionally.....this year has been more dramatic than past years...gone through so much drama and "other stuff" that i've never imagined going through....man...lol from the very first week of january of 2003...to the end....just stuff this whole year has brought....i can't have regrets.....i can't have regrets.....my emotions tell me one thing...and my mind tells me another....i mean this whole year its been like that...lately...its been more controlled, surpressed,............compromised to a certain extent...lol RJ's new term....(DTR)-->Defining the Relationship...man....established....but....still......then he mentions.....(RTR)--> Redefine the Relationship....lol...i dunno....so many uncertains yet lingers in my heart....i dunno....
to add on to that...this comming year...i already have felt and seen already....friends going their own separate ways......as individuals...moving on with life.....James is no longer around anymore.....friends from school....i won't mention particular names....then again they don't read LJ....just grown part basically...the true test comes...is when they will still remember you and still have you part of their lives...or have been part of their lives during this past year....i already know those who i was close to in school i've grown apart from just because....and only a mere few actually grown stronger this past year...i dunno.....i know for sure...things will never be the same....never go back as how they were originally...because thats part of life....
so what lies in this upcoming year....upcoming near future.....the unexpected......spontaneous....unplanned things that God will bring.....and man.....honestly to be upfront to everybody and to whatever readers......its scares the living hell out of me.....so...whatever this year will bring...i pray...i will rely on God more than before....that i can take whatever the unexpected will bring....the drama whatever it may be....hopefully not too big to handle....man....pray that never too big to handle.....whatever life can bring in my life personally....cuz honestly....its time to change.....change for the better....change old habits...be more responsible with what life has to offer...and take every opportunity that lies before you....basically....cuz once an opportunity is gone...can never get that back......i've lost a few opportunities this past year...and i can't afford to miss out on new opportunities that will come up in 2004...some academically...some emotionally....some personally...some life changing.....events...basically....
conclude everything.........this will be my final LJ entry.....i appreciate all those that have read my journal...left encouraging comments to my entries...means alot to actually have readers and can put their two cents in thats actually meaningful...take carez yall....
peace outz.......