Clip hum snap snap pull drag
This last week (meaning from friday I guess to today, tuesday; so the last few days really.) I've been feeling (with small moments of exception) like everything is great and I am in complete control of myself. I've gone to the gym already a few times this week, I've been consistantly focused at work, worked hard all day and I even stayed at work until almost 8 fucking 30 on friday. Friday, this is what I do with my night.
These feelings of self-sufficiency have done nothing for the extreme social paranoia I constatnly suffer from.
I understand that people around me deserve in no way to be held accountable for my actions and feelings, but I forget that sometimes.
There are a handful of people that I feel right now (meaning at fleeting moments throughout the day) are directly responsible for making me feel horrible. I know that I should really try to leave the high school in high school, but my complete lack of confidence in myself really makes me feel like no one wants to be around my obnoxious misery.
I think I'm oozing like controlling, hateful vibes right now, and that its mostly not very pleasant to be around.
But my undstanding that posssibility doesn't completely dismiss the feelings that I'm being hardcore avoided by some or all or none I don't know.
Usually when I get home at night I get overwhelmingly and almost unspeakably sad and depressed. That hasn't happened since last week, knock on wood.
I wanted to go to the gym again tonight, but going back again so hardcore and so quickly ahs really worn me out, so I'm taking the night off, anyway Dan is off tonight and its time I could just be spending with his ass instead of waiting in line for an eliptical machine like you do on a weeknight.
Daniel and I are going to San Deigo for a week in April, I've never been to California, and I hear San Diego is a good place to start if you want a humungous health food store and beautiful beaches and views and none of the Hollywood. I don't think I could handle the celeb-ness right now, NY is even too much lately.
I've even taken a break from Perez, whom I love dearly, cause I just can't get into it.
HOwever, I have picked up the slack there with the LOLCATs because they are the most important thing in life right now.
I saw Jaime A Kurtz over the weekend, for the first fuckin time since like May and it was a dream and a half. Although (no offense James) I usually like any activity that involves my favorite bagel place.
I feel kinda queasy. Maybe I should have taken to day off today, I feel really drained from all of this positive thinking