Peter the Irish Bard
(A sequel to 'King Bruce Ice Has Spoken.' A lot happened since he last spoke. He has been speaking for at least three years. In a way, he was a catalyst for a lot of things that have happened in the past three years, but he certainly didn't mean to cause any of the mass chaos that has happened.)
The funeral of Angelina, King Joebearcow's late sister, had taken place. Since then, we have all endured several months of bullshit, bureaucratic hoops, fighting wars that involved multiple times periods, and even fighting amongst our friends and family members. We even have been going to our lawyers about our late family members' estates and assets.
We hadn't had a real meeting since the funeral to be honest. King Joebearcow had changed his name several times from King Joebearcow to Doctor Baby Fat Bear to the current King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear. My name went through its usual changes, but I am now Queen Chocolate-Covered Nicole Gummy Bear.
One night, we went drinking with Lindsay who removed all former titles from her name. She remained a good woman and as far as I am concerned, will always be one. She asked why we no longer had meetings.
I simply answered, "Everyone is in a different time in the timeline."
She said, "Not true. Sorcerer Banana and Pauno are eternal."
"Sorcerer Banana is fighting in space to prevent a black hole from swallowing the universe," I said.
"So he can't attend?" Lindsay asked.
"He can, but he has to find someone else to balance the universe," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear answered.
"What about Pauno?" Lindsay asked.
"What about me?" Pauno asked in his monotone voice as he appeared between Lindsay and me.
"Can you attend our meeting?" Lindsay asked.
"I certainly can, but what are the talking points?" Pauno asked.
King Bruce Ice and the rest of his Ice family entered the restaurant/bar we were in. Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling strutted in the place like they owned it.
"Everything about that family," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
The Ice family sat near us. Riley the Ace of Riddling put his head on my lap. I pet him. Duke the Ace of Dodging pawed at Lindsay. Lindsay smiled and pet him.
"Greetings, Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bears and Lindsay," King Bruce Ice spoke. "WAITER! I WANT A STRAWBERRY PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI, EMPHASIS ON PEANUT BUTTER AND DAQUIRI!!! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!"
"Greetings, King Bruce Ice, King Christopher Ice, Queen Megara Ice, Queen Marissa Ice, Princess Abigail Ice, and Princess Isabella Ice," we spoke in unison.
"A peanut butter daquiri sounds good. Do they have that on the menu?" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear asked.
"Not exactly. But it will happen," King Bruce Ice said.
The waiter brought over the strawberry PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI. He looked and smelled exactly like Peter.
"Excuse me, sir. Are you Peter Parker?" Lindsay asked.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling looked at the Peter Parker lookalike.
"No! I'm Peter Wallace Parker! Are you S. N. Lindsay?" he asked. He even sounded like Peter Wallace Parker and definitely not the Peter Parker from Spiderman.
"Heavens NO! I'm just Lindsay now!" Lindsay said a bit too loudly. Clearly, her red wine had gotten to her head.
The song, "Red Red Wine" by U.B. 40 was playing.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling barked.
"Well, excuse me!" Peter Wallace Parker said loudly and went to tend to other guests.
King Bruce Ace drank his strawberry PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI and stared at Peter Wallace Parker.
"So, before you all showed up, we were discussing having a meeting. I'm not sure why, but Lindsay wanted us to get together again," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said bluntly.
"Probably because a lot of bullshit has been going on. Now we have a war in real time. Well, the Ukraine and Russia war has been going on for over a year, but no one really talks about that anymore," Pauno said.
"Yes. That has to be discussed at the next meeting. But Sir Paul the Goat, Prince Olive Garden, Chrissy, Simmons, Steve, and Jaybird are in a different time. Sorcerer Banana is holding the universe together in Space. And Count Vanilla Manilla is in every year ever. He took over the world," King Bruce Ice said as his green eyes were wide.
"Talking about Count Vanilla Manilla alone is enough for a meeting! Do you even know where the hell Steve is?!" I asked loudly.
Peter Wallace Parker was serving tables and moving quickly.
"He should come to the next meeting," Queen Megara Ice said as she was staring at Peter Wallace Parker.
"Well, duh! He still has to sing that song to commemorate Angelina's life," King Bruce Ace said.
"OH! I just thought he ghosted us right after the funeral! What an asshole!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear shouted.
"No. He was stuck in China fighting Queen Amandemon for a month and then fought a war over in Greece for a month after that and then God knows what happened until he got the job here," Lindsay said.
"Well, damn, I didn't know!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
"We'll have to ask him at the next meeting," I said.
"WAITER!!!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"Yes, Your Grace!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted as he almost dropped the flambe on the random guest's table.
"Sing that song!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
The King Bears stared him down. Queen Megara Ice also stared at him.
"What song?" Peter Wallace Parker asked as he approached us.
"The song about Angelina," King Bruce Ice said.
"Oh... That one. I've been working on it in my spare time. As you see, I have been busy. Inflation took over the world more than Count Vanilla Manilla did. He and I have been fighting the forces of evil for the last seven months!" Peter Wallace Parker said with force. "And what can I get everyone?"
"THAT SONG!" King Bruce Ice answered before any of us could order refills. I was ready to order tacos.
We had a different waiter/waitress when we first got here. The restaurant/bar had a shift change apparently.
"I haven't fleshed it out yet!" Peter Wallace Parker said as he wrote it down on his pad.
"Sing what you got!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
"Now?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"YES! SEVEN MONTHS AGO!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
"All right! All right! I'm doing it!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted. He then went to the center of the restaurant, and U.B. 40 finally shut the fuck up.
"Attention! Everyone! Your Grace has requested I sing 'what I got.' So here I am, singing it for you!" Peter Wallace Parker said with an awkward smile.
That was definitely the Peter Wallace Parker we remembered.
The crowd got excited and clapped.
The music for "What I Got" by Sublime started playing. Peter Wallace Parker then began to sing.
"Hey! This was my sister's favorite song!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said. "She sang it for me at my high school graduation. She had such a beautiful voice."
I held my bear in my arms as we heard Peter Wallace Parker serenade.
"Well, life is too short, so love the one you got!
'Cause you might get run over or you might get shot!
Never start no static, I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with no bulletproof vest
Take a small example, take a ti-ti-ti-tip from me.
Take all of your money, give it all to charity-ty-ty-ty
Love is what I got.
It's within my reach
And the Sublime style's still straight from Long Beach.
It all comes back to you, you finally get what you deserve.
Try and test that, you're bound to get served.
Love's what I got.
Don't start a riot.
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot!" Peter Wallace Parker sang.
This song was strangely fitting to commemorate Angelina's life. She was a pirate who lived in the high seas for most of her life. But from what King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear told me, she was still full of love for her family and country.
"Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
And remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
(I got, I got, I got)!" Peter Wallace Parker sang beautifully.
King Bruce Ace and King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear stood up and sang that chorus with him.
"Why I don't cry when my dog runs away.
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay.
I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot.
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock.
Fuckin' and fightin', it's all the same.
Livin' with Louie Dog's the only way to stay sane.
Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me!" King Bruce Ace, King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear, and Peter Wallace Parker sang.
Pauno listened intently and had tears in his eyes. Riley the Ace of Riddling and Duke the Ace of Dodging put their heads on Pauno's lap to comfort him.
"Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
And remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
(I got, I got, I got).
We're not that far off.
So that's
See, but
Yeah, we're done there!" King Bruce Ace, King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear, and Peter Wallace Parker sang.
The music faded down, and the rest of us clapped and cheered.
"Thank you!" Peter Wallace Parker said with a smile and bowed.
King Bruce Ace and King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear growled. We bears growled with them.
Count Vanilla Manilla burst in the restaurant/bear and growled for a minute straight.
"Thank you, Count Vanilla Manilla," King Bruce Ace said.
"You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. I didn't know we were having a meeting. I just came here to order Mac n Cheese," Count Vanilla Manilla said as he walked in and sat between to Princess Isabella Ice and Princess Abigail Ice.
We all chimed in and finally ordered our tacos.
Peter Wallace Parker then took our orders and sent them to the kitchen.
"PETER WALLACE!!!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"YES, YOUR GRACE!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted back.
"Sing another song for us!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"Which one?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"'Respect' was another one of my sister's favorite songs," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
The crowd cheered and clapped.
"Which version? The Aretha Franklin version or the original?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"Original?" King Bruce Ace asked.
"Original? Original? Original?" Count Vanilla Manilla asked.
"Yes. 'Respect' was originally sung by Otis Redding back in 1965, but Aretha Franklin covered it in 1967," Peter Wallace Parker said.
"The original," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said. "She preferred Aretha Franklin, but I feel the original would be easier for you to sing."
"You are right," Peter Wallace Parker said.
"SING IT!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
At this point, Peter Wallace Parker started to sing "Respect" by Otis Redding, originally written in 1965. The music played in the background, and the emphasis was on that trombone.
"What you want, honey, you got it
And what you need, baby, you've got it
All I'm asking
For a little respect when I come home, hey now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!" Peter Wallace Parker sang with emphasis.
The ladies chuckled.
Pauno nodded and shouted, "Hey hey hey, yeah now!"
The males growled and cheered.
"Do me wrong, honey, if you wanna to
You can do me wrong honey, while I'm gone
But all I'm asking
Is for a little respect when I come home, ooh, yeah now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!!" Peter Wallace Parker sang that verse vehemently.
Pauno got up and sang, "Hey hey hey, yeah now!"
Peter Wallace Parker and Pauno sang, "Hey little girl, you're so sweet, little honey.
And I'm about to, just give you all of my money.
And all I'm asking, hey.
A little respect when I come home, hey hey
Hey hey hey, yeah now
Hey little girl, you're sweeter than honey.
And I'm about to give you all of my money.
But all I want you to do
Is just give it, give it
Respect when I come home, hey hey now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!!"
The males cheered and clapped.
"I don't think Angelina had THIS in mind," I said as I smirked.
"This version is what I WANTED to sing to my sister when she would visit my abode. She was wonderful, but when she ate all my honey, it was a bit much," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said with a nod. "Then she sang the Aretha Franklin version when I mentioned I needed more honey."
Lindsay chuckled. "Sounds like sibling love," she said.
"It was," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said with a nod.
"Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Talkin'
Give us, give us, give us, give us
Give us, give us, give us, give us
Give us, give us some baby, everything I need!" Pauno and Peter Wallace Parker sang as they danced.
Everyone else cheered and clapped.
"King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear! Did his performance satisfy you?" King Bruce Ice asked.
"Yes. Peter Wallace Parker sang those songs like you asked. Now... for a proper reception!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear shouted as he threw his fist in the air.
The funeral of Angelina, King Joebearcow's late sister, had taken place. Since then, we have all endured several months of bullshit, bureaucratic hoops, fighting wars that involved multiple times periods, and even fighting amongst our friends and family members. We even have been going to our lawyers about our late family members' estates and assets.
We hadn't had a real meeting since the funeral to be honest. King Joebearcow had changed his name several times from King Joebearcow to Doctor Baby Fat Bear to the current King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear. My name went through its usual changes, but I am now Queen Chocolate-Covered Nicole Gummy Bear.
One night, we went drinking with Lindsay who removed all former titles from her name. She remained a good woman and as far as I am concerned, will always be one. She asked why we no longer had meetings.
I simply answered, "Everyone is in a different time in the timeline."
She said, "Not true. Sorcerer Banana and Pauno are eternal."
"Sorcerer Banana is fighting in space to prevent a black hole from swallowing the universe," I said.
"So he can't attend?" Lindsay asked.
"He can, but he has to find someone else to balance the universe," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear answered.
"What about Pauno?" Lindsay asked.
"What about me?" Pauno asked in his monotone voice as he appeared between Lindsay and me.
"Can you attend our meeting?" Lindsay asked.
"I certainly can, but what are the talking points?" Pauno asked.
King Bruce Ice and the rest of his Ice family entered the restaurant/bar we were in. Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling strutted in the place like they owned it.
"Everything about that family," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
The Ice family sat near us. Riley the Ace of Riddling put his head on my lap. I pet him. Duke the Ace of Dodging pawed at Lindsay. Lindsay smiled and pet him.
"Greetings, Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bears and Lindsay," King Bruce Ice spoke. "WAITER! I WANT A STRAWBERRY PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI, EMPHASIS ON PEANUT BUTTER AND DAQUIRI!!! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!"
"Greetings, King Bruce Ice, King Christopher Ice, Queen Megara Ice, Queen Marissa Ice, Princess Abigail Ice, and Princess Isabella Ice," we spoke in unison.
"A peanut butter daquiri sounds good. Do they have that on the menu?" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear asked.
"Not exactly. But it will happen," King Bruce Ice said.
The waiter brought over the strawberry PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI. He looked and smelled exactly like Peter.
"Excuse me, sir. Are you Peter Parker?" Lindsay asked.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling looked at the Peter Parker lookalike.
"No! I'm Peter Wallace Parker! Are you S. N. Lindsay?" he asked. He even sounded like Peter Wallace Parker and definitely not the Peter Parker from Spiderman.
"Heavens NO! I'm just Lindsay now!" Lindsay said a bit too loudly. Clearly, her red wine had gotten to her head.
The song, "Red Red Wine" by U.B. 40 was playing.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling barked.
"Well, excuse me!" Peter Wallace Parker said loudly and went to tend to other guests.
King Bruce Ace drank his strawberry PEANUT BUTTER DAQUIRI and stared at Peter Wallace Parker.
"So, before you all showed up, we were discussing having a meeting. I'm not sure why, but Lindsay wanted us to get together again," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said bluntly.
"Probably because a lot of bullshit has been going on. Now we have a war in real time. Well, the Ukraine and Russia war has been going on for over a year, but no one really talks about that anymore," Pauno said.
"Yes. That has to be discussed at the next meeting. But Sir Paul the Goat, Prince Olive Garden, Chrissy, Simmons, Steve, and Jaybird are in a different time. Sorcerer Banana is holding the universe together in Space. And Count Vanilla Manilla is in every year ever. He took over the world," King Bruce Ice said as his green eyes were wide.
"Talking about Count Vanilla Manilla alone is enough for a meeting! Do you even know where the hell Steve is?!" I asked loudly.
Peter Wallace Parker was serving tables and moving quickly.
"He should come to the next meeting," Queen Megara Ice said as she was staring at Peter Wallace Parker.
"Well, duh! He still has to sing that song to commemorate Angelina's life," King Bruce Ace said.
"OH! I just thought he ghosted us right after the funeral! What an asshole!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear shouted.
"No. He was stuck in China fighting Queen Amandemon for a month and then fought a war over in Greece for a month after that and then God knows what happened until he got the job here," Lindsay said.
"Well, damn, I didn't know!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
"We'll have to ask him at the next meeting," I said.
"WAITER!!!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"Yes, Your Grace!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted as he almost dropped the flambe on the random guest's table.
"Sing that song!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
The King Bears stared him down. Queen Megara Ice also stared at him.
"What song?" Peter Wallace Parker asked as he approached us.
"The song about Angelina," King Bruce Ice said.
"Oh... That one. I've been working on it in my spare time. As you see, I have been busy. Inflation took over the world more than Count Vanilla Manilla did. He and I have been fighting the forces of evil for the last seven months!" Peter Wallace Parker said with force. "And what can I get everyone?"
"THAT SONG!" King Bruce Ice answered before any of us could order refills. I was ready to order tacos.
We had a different waiter/waitress when we first got here. The restaurant/bar had a shift change apparently.
"I haven't fleshed it out yet!" Peter Wallace Parker said as he wrote it down on his pad.
"Sing what you got!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
"Now?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"YES! SEVEN MONTHS AGO!" King Bruce Ice shouted.
"All right! All right! I'm doing it!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted. He then went to the center of the restaurant, and U.B. 40 finally shut the fuck up.
"Attention! Everyone! Your Grace has requested I sing 'what I got.' So here I am, singing it for you!" Peter Wallace Parker said with an awkward smile.
That was definitely the Peter Wallace Parker we remembered.
The crowd got excited and clapped.
The music for "What I Got" by Sublime started playing. Peter Wallace Parker then began to sing.
"Hey! This was my sister's favorite song!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said. "She sang it for me at my high school graduation. She had such a beautiful voice."
I held my bear in my arms as we heard Peter Wallace Parker serenade.
"Well, life is too short, so love the one you got!
'Cause you might get run over or you might get shot!
Never start no static, I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with no bulletproof vest
Take a small example, take a ti-ti-ti-tip from me.
Take all of your money, give it all to charity-ty-ty-ty
Love is what I got.
It's within my reach
And the Sublime style's still straight from Long Beach.
It all comes back to you, you finally get what you deserve.
Try and test that, you're bound to get served.
Love's what I got.
Don't start a riot.
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot!" Peter Wallace Parker sang.
This song was strangely fitting to commemorate Angelina's life. She was a pirate who lived in the high seas for most of her life. But from what King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear told me, she was still full of love for her family and country.
"Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
And remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
(I got, I got, I got)!" Peter Wallace Parker sang beautifully.
King Bruce Ace and King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear stood up and sang that chorus with him.
"Why I don't cry when my dog runs away.
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay.
I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot.
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock.
Fuckin' and fightin', it's all the same.
Livin' with Louie Dog's the only way to stay sane.
Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me!" King Bruce Ace, King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear, and Peter Wallace Parker sang.
Pauno listened intently and had tears in his eyes. Riley the Ace of Riddling and Duke the Ace of Dodging put their heads on Pauno's lap to comfort him.
"Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
And remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
I said remember that.
Lovin', is what I got.
(I got, I got, I got).
We're not that far off.
So that's
See, but
Yeah, we're done there!" King Bruce Ace, King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear, and Peter Wallace Parker sang.
The music faded down, and the rest of us clapped and cheered.
"Thank you!" Peter Wallace Parker said with a smile and bowed.
King Bruce Ace and King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear growled. We bears growled with them.
Count Vanilla Manilla burst in the restaurant/bear and growled for a minute straight.
"Thank you, Count Vanilla Manilla," King Bruce Ace said.
"You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. I didn't know we were having a meeting. I just came here to order Mac n Cheese," Count Vanilla Manilla said as he walked in and sat between to Princess Isabella Ice and Princess Abigail Ice.
We all chimed in and finally ordered our tacos.
Peter Wallace Parker then took our orders and sent them to the kitchen.
"PETER WALLACE!!!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"YES, YOUR GRACE!" Peter Wallace Parker shouted back.
"Sing another song for us!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
"Which one?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"'Respect' was another one of my sister's favorite songs," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said.
The crowd cheered and clapped.
"Which version? The Aretha Franklin version or the original?" Peter Wallace Parker asked.
"Original?" King Bruce Ace asked.
"Original? Original? Original?" Count Vanilla Manilla asked.
"Yes. 'Respect' was originally sung by Otis Redding back in 1965, but Aretha Franklin covered it in 1967," Peter Wallace Parker said.
"The original," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said. "She preferred Aretha Franklin, but I feel the original would be easier for you to sing."
"You are right," Peter Wallace Parker said.
"SING IT!" King Bruce Ace shouted.
At this point, Peter Wallace Parker started to sing "Respect" by Otis Redding, originally written in 1965. The music played in the background, and the emphasis was on that trombone.
"What you want, honey, you got it
And what you need, baby, you've got it
All I'm asking
For a little respect when I come home, hey now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!" Peter Wallace Parker sang with emphasis.
The ladies chuckled.
Pauno nodded and shouted, "Hey hey hey, yeah now!"
The males growled and cheered.
"Do me wrong, honey, if you wanna to
You can do me wrong honey, while I'm gone
But all I'm asking
Is for a little respect when I come home, ooh, yeah now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!!" Peter Wallace Parker sang that verse vehemently.
Pauno got up and sang, "Hey hey hey, yeah now!"
Peter Wallace Parker and Pauno sang, "Hey little girl, you're so sweet, little honey.
And I'm about to, just give you all of my money.
And all I'm asking, hey.
A little respect when I come home, hey hey
Hey hey hey, yeah now
Hey little girl, you're sweeter than honey.
And I'm about to give you all of my money.
But all I want you to do
Is just give it, give it
Respect when I come home, hey hey now
Hey hey hey, yeah now!!"
The males cheered and clapped.
"I don't think Angelina had THIS in mind," I said as I smirked.
"This version is what I WANTED to sing to my sister when she would visit my abode. She was wonderful, but when she ate all my honey, it was a bit much," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said with a nod. "Then she sang the Aretha Franklin version when I mentioned I needed more honey."
Lindsay chuckled. "Sounds like sibling love," she said.
"It was," King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear said with a nod.
"Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Got to, got to have it
Talkin'
Give us, give us, give us, give us
Give us, give us, give us, give us
Give us, give us some baby, everything I need!" Pauno and Peter Wallace Parker sang as they danced.
Everyone else cheered and clapped.
"King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear! Did his performance satisfy you?" King Bruce Ice asked.
"Yes. Peter Wallace Parker sang those songs like you asked. Now... for a proper reception!" King Chocolate-Covered Gummy Bear shouted as he threw his fist in the air.