Isolation
I don't expect you to understand,
After you've caused so much pain,
But then again you're not to blame,
You're just a human, a victim of the insane.
[John Lennon]
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I get down after parties. I feel a sense of emptiness, as if the darkness both without and within had only been staved off temporarily by the food and drink, the music, and above all the company. Tonight could have been a lot worse, mostly because I made the excellent decision to listen to Sgt. Pepper's for the first time in years. But I still feel the gnawing at my soul, the sense that I am - deficient. The gnawing worry that I didn't fool anyone there with my appearance of bonhomie, that they saw in my eyes the emptiness, felt too the barrier between us all that we chatter and smile and touch just to pretend isn't there. Connections are ephemeral and meaningless. The universe's stars are drifting slowly apart and will die quiet deaths alone in a vast expanse of space. I shan't insult my readers by explaining the metaphor other than to sob silently at the loss. No matter how hard you try to keep your old friends and no matter how fast you try to grab new ones, they leave you faster than you can acquire them, and each new one is built on an increasingly shallow and shaky foundation. The human condition is to be born screaming, live in pain and die in isolation.
After you've caused so much pain,
But then again you're not to blame,
You're just a human, a victim of the insane.
[John Lennon]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I get down after parties. I feel a sense of emptiness, as if the darkness both without and within had only been staved off temporarily by the food and drink, the music, and above all the company. Tonight could have been a lot worse, mostly because I made the excellent decision to listen to Sgt. Pepper's for the first time in years. But I still feel the gnawing at my soul, the sense that I am - deficient. The gnawing worry that I didn't fool anyone there with my appearance of bonhomie, that they saw in my eyes the emptiness, felt too the barrier between us all that we chatter and smile and touch just to pretend isn't there. Connections are ephemeral and meaningless. The universe's stars are drifting slowly apart and will die quiet deaths alone in a vast expanse of space. I shan't insult my readers by explaining the metaphor other than to sob silently at the loss. No matter how hard you try to keep your old friends and no matter how fast you try to grab new ones, they leave you faster than you can acquire them, and each new one is built on an increasingly shallow and shaky foundation. The human condition is to be born screaming, live in pain and die in isolation.