May 04, 2005 14:06
He lay still for a moment, but then he rolled over, his back not even touching mine, and I lay there in the darkness, feeling alone even though he was not even a foot away.
And I had closed my eyes and hugged myself, because no one else would.
I shut my eyes and looked away. “It’s not you, it’s never you…”
There it was, within my grasp, and I remembered then, then, that I was not helpless.
I hadn’t said one word. I’d just stared at him wordlessly and feeling irrevocably detached.
In the back of my mind I wasn’t surprised by it. I’d suspected it, yes, seen it coming even, but there had never been anything that I, or anyone else for that matter, would have been able to do about. It didn’t make me feel any less worse, however.