so this is the end?
So this is what all I thought was simple friendliness has amounted to - chaos and truth singed with pain. I can't help that it's almost impossible for me to let things go, it's just the way I am - I remember things, I talk to people, I take things to heart. Always. Anything.
But now, supposedly, a lot of people, including my close friends and "others", believe I've already destroyed myself. I've let down my best friends. I'm not paying much attention to them. I'm on a "quest for respect", and I only want to make a whole bunch of friends to gain superficial popularity and some kind of amazing status.
Do I know how I've let down my close friends? No... Do I know who these other people are, and why everyone is so disappointed in me? Of course not... It seems like no one understands me. Well, a few people do... but if I listed those people, it would probably cause even more problems. Well, like I said, I remember things and think about them. And I honestly can't think of a single instance when I've done anything to my close friends. On the contrary, I was under the impression that they didn't want to talk to me a lot of the time. As for some of these "other" friends, is it really true that I'm "letting them down"? As far as I've noticed from the school day... *total exasperation* they just talk to each other, or.. I don't know. But I've talked to them too. Obviously, there's always something I'm doing wrong..
Look, usually I can sort things out pretty well. Otherwise, my life would be in shambles. But this whole thing has me almost falling over with confusion. It's some kind of awful cycle in my life when I just try to be friendly with everyone and feel terrible whenever something bad happens, combined with people who tell me I'm doing too much or trying too much (and why I should "be myself" - I AM myself!), combined with people telling me my whole life is wrong, combined with people whom I'm afraid I might have offended, combined with people who have recently told me that I'm ignoring all the people I care most about and would NEVER let go of... and I just can't keep track anymore. Seriously, someone tell me what the hell is going on. All I know is, if I believe everything I've been told, I hurt myself several times over every time I try doing something good, and I have one really, really sad life.
Claude hates me. He fools me and bends things and is never clear. But he can't stand me.. ever. Everyone else is not sure what to think. No one is "used to me". I've said so many faulty things... so what do I change now? I copied Jake, I imitated Jake. If that's all that's believed, even if I give up and I say, "oh, it's all true!", what happens then? There's nothing I can do for all of this... And Daisy's now mad too.. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
~the simple words of Legacy
But now, supposedly, a lot of people, including my close friends and "others", believe I've already destroyed myself. I've let down my best friends. I'm not paying much attention to them. I'm on a "quest for respect", and I only want to make a whole bunch of friends to gain superficial popularity and some kind of amazing status.
Do I know how I've let down my close friends? No... Do I know who these other people are, and why everyone is so disappointed in me? Of course not... It seems like no one understands me. Well, a few people do... but if I listed those people, it would probably cause even more problems. Well, like I said, I remember things and think about them. And I honestly can't think of a single instance when I've done anything to my close friends. On the contrary, I was under the impression that they didn't want to talk to me a lot of the time. As for some of these "other" friends, is it really true that I'm "letting them down"? As far as I've noticed from the school day... *total exasperation* they just talk to each other, or.. I don't know. But I've talked to them too. Obviously, there's always something I'm doing wrong..
Look, usually I can sort things out pretty well. Otherwise, my life would be in shambles. But this whole thing has me almost falling over with confusion. It's some kind of awful cycle in my life when I just try to be friendly with everyone and feel terrible whenever something bad happens, combined with people who tell me I'm doing too much or trying too much (and why I should "be myself" - I AM myself!), combined with people telling me my whole life is wrong, combined with people whom I'm afraid I might have offended, combined with people who have recently told me that I'm ignoring all the people I care most about and would NEVER let go of... and I just can't keep track anymore. Seriously, someone tell me what the hell is going on. All I know is, if I believe everything I've been told, I hurt myself several times over every time I try doing something good, and I have one really, really sad life.
Claude hates me. He fools me and bends things and is never clear. But he can't stand me.. ever. Everyone else is not sure what to think. No one is "used to me". I've said so many faulty things... so what do I change now? I copied Jake, I imitated Jake. If that's all that's believed, even if I give up and I say, "oh, it's all true!", what happens then? There's nothing I can do for all of this... And Daisy's now mad too.. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
~the simple words of Legacy