004 ✚ voice, plus filters
[the feed starts with a slight clearing of his throat.]
To those who were-- worried --about me last week. Yukio replaced my stitches and I'm fine now.
[uhhh.
there was a thanks here, but it got cut--]
Thanks.
[--off. or not.]
( FILTERED TO EXORCISTS (ALMA, LAVI, KANDA, ALLEN, LENALEE, CROSS, AND.. THAT ONE TYKI.. and Link sure. prolly hackable but why would you want to, there's nothing to hear. )
To those who were-- worried --about me last week. Yukio replaced my stitches and I'm fine now.
[uhhh.
there was a thanks here, but it got cut--]
Thanks.
[--off. or not.]
( FILTERED TO EXORCISTS (ALMA, LAVI, KANDA, ALLEN, LENALEE, CROSS, AND.. THAT ONE TYKI.. and Link sure. prolly hackable but why would you want to, there's nothing to hear. )
He's on his bed, moving to stand even as the door opens and Kanda storms into the room. Lavi is surprised to see that it's Kanda standing there, moving toward him.]
What are yo-- [His words get cut off as the hit connects and Lavi's head is whipped to the side.
But the expected fall back onto his bed doesn't come. It's missing. So he stands there startled with his head turned away from the force of the punch yet still standing.
Slowly he turns his head back toward the swordsman.]
Yuu...
[In that lone green eye lays all that hurt and betrayal, the lost redhead not knowing where is h place is next to Kanda's side. The pain at knowing his world has been shit to him like their own has but ten times worse almost.
His hands are clenched into fists, the PDA on the bed, but instead of punching Kanda back like it looks like he might... The redhead instead reaches out and steps forward, wrapping Kanda up in a hug. One tight and warm and hopefully a good physical reminder that the redhead is there. It hurts to know that his powerful punches have been pulled because of what happened to him.]
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that Lavi doesn't actually fall over only further proves to himself just what kind of effect this surgery's had on him. he had an idea before, but he's never really attempt to.. punch anyone. has wanted to, of course, and settled for hitting or kicking a wall. or a chair.
this just reminds him all the more of what's happened in the time he hasn't seen Lavi.
he doesn't say anything when Lavi's arms wrap around him, aside from a sharp intake of breath and a sound that's cut off halfway. he can't move his arms, whether because Lavi's hug is stopping him or he just can't feel them right now, or whether
whether it's because he doesn't know if he should, if he can. if he's allowed to, knowing that they don't share the same sentiment.
they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but the past two years of not knowing has led to 'llujah convincing himself that it's over. that the next time they see each other, Rose Cross or no, they're as good as strangers. in fact, that's what they should be, considering.]
..I've spent the last two years forgetting you, Lavi.
[excuses, excuses. he wants to explain himself, but he can't do that either. there isn't a whole lot to explain.
he grips the beeping PDA and remembers how to breathe.]
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You used to give in to that punching impulse a lot more. Perhaps another side effect of not being around the redhead anymore, not having anyone you really wanted to punch and could without any terrible repercussions. The chair or wall were just ample substitutes.
Thing is... Lavi doesn't expect Kanda to hug him back even if his arms are free. Stitches in his arms can't make it at all comfortable to move them. So even if Kanda was a hugger...being hugged back wouldn't cross his mind.
What he does expect at least is to be shoved away.
He's surprised that he doesn't even get a hair pull. Or an order to get off. Kanda just lets him hug.
But he's not the Lavi from your home, he's younger and so much more like the "idiot rabbit" he used to be. Lord knows how much longer he's going to stay that way what with all the bad news that he hears and sees, that he knows is coming his way. No matter what he doesn't want to be someone sullen and withdrawn, which is why he goes away when he breaks down.]
Well, you don't have to now. If I'm missing in your home I'm sure there's a good reason why. But I'm here and I'm not going anywhere even if I'm not the one you know. We're still similar, me and him...right?
[Breathing is good.]
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but as it is, he.. can't do anything. both because he knows know what, and because. well.
arms. numb.
he's probably going to regret that punch later. except, not really.
it would be so easy just to revert back to what they were four years ago. idiot rabbit and silly yuu and bakanda and all that. it should be. so easy.
but the fact of the matter is what isn't. it isn't easy, isn't simple, isn't like taking two steps back into old comfort zones. it's like climbing out of an abyss two miles too deep. maybe it's pathetic to say he's resigned himself to this darkness, but.
he's accepted some minimal amount of help in getting through this.
maybe he can accept some help in getting out of it.]
No one knows why. The Noahs--
[..come to think of it, 'llujah hasn't really been filled in on any of this either. save for what Lenalee and Marie have told him in secret. Central's pretty intent on cockblocking him from finding anything out.]
..I don't know anymore. Who you are.
Either of you.
[if anything, focusing on breathing helps keep him calm. he's learned that emotions are pretty crucial to how Parasitic Innocence works, and while it isn't the same with him, there's.. been occasions when it activates itself.
staying calm will leave Lavi's room in one piece, at least.]
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It might surprise him enough that Lavi will let go, pull back and look at him. Because right now he's just hugging, chin hovering over a shoulder but not making contact with it. That would be too close.
If it was so easy - no matter the years he had gone on alone - then it shouldn't matter if he fell back into it. Lavi doesn't know how to be around 'llujah because of this. And he hates not knowing anything.
Actually, that makes him pull away and he sits on his bed, taking Kanda's hand long enough to give a gentle tug to make him sit too. For once his face looks a little sad and shut down instead of that happy-go-lucky rabbit that 'llujah knows is still in this one.]
I'm still me, yeah? At home...for me... I'm still in China with the old man and Chaoji. And this weird Noah we've never seen before shows up. Then I got sent here only to go back for five minutes and I get kicked back just as that Noah... [Lavi pauses, remembering the tongue and shudders.] His tongue...it's long and it has eyeballs on it. He was going to put it in me somehow when I woke up here.
[At least then he'd have a reason to move downstairs?]
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