The It-Sucks-To-Be-Ryo drabbles
A few days back some friends and I had a comment fic war of sorts, which more or less turned into lifeinthebox and I trying to out crackfic one another. These are two of the byproducts of said awful war (there are two more, but they're in reference to some of her drabbles, so I'll wait until she posts them before posting mine. 8D *peer pressure*)
-----
performance anxiety - ryo x pi (652)
"Ne... maybe we should call it quits for tonight, Ryo-chan."
Ryo frowned as Yamapi rolled off of him and onto the bed. He couldn't quite understand it himself. They weren't doing anything different; if anything, the course of work, dinner, drinks, and mind blowing sex (because Nishikido didn't provide anything less) was entirely routine by now. And yet here they were in bed, naked, getting ready to engage in a quick and dirty round of the horizontal mambo...
And Ryo couldn't get it up for the life of himself.
He frowned as he sat up on the edge of the bed and glared down at his crotch. He felt like yelling because what the hell is your problem, dick but figured that the situation was already embarrassing enough without him screaming at his own penis in front of his boyfriend. "I just... need some time, is all. You can't rush genius, okay?"
Yamapi shot him a dubious look."But it's been... like... an hour."
"It has not been an hour." Ryo groused. Behind him Yamapi made an unconvinced mmmmmm to which the Osakan bristled and barked an angry, "Thirty minutes, okay? It hasn't been more than thirty minutes!"
Yamapi shrugged, fingers toying with a curly brown lock of hair. "Okay, thirty minutes. Whatever. We should probably just go to bed since you're too tired--"
"I am not too tired!" Ryo cried, instantly wincing at how whiny it sounded. Nishikido Ryo could get it up whenever he wanted, damn it! It just... took some time, apparently. Maybe he had too much on his mind. Yes, that had to be it.
"Well I'm tired!" the younger man said emphatically, throwing his arms behind his head for good measure. When Ryo refused to take the rather obvious hint, Yamapi reached over and tugged on his elbow. "C'mon, Ryo-chan. Sleep. We can try again in the morning?"
Ryo mumbled something about not wanting to try in the morning because clearly there shouldn't be a problem necessitating them to try in the morning because Nishikido Ryo was a virile young man and virile young men did not have performance issues. With a sigh, Yamapi sat up and reached a hand out to Ryo's shoulder, running the fingers along his arm in what was meant to be a soothing gesture. "It's perfectly natural, Ryo-chan. It happens to guys all the time."
Ryo turned ever so slightly, glancing at the other man from the corner of his eye. "Has it ever happened to you?"
A beat. Yamapi pursed his lips. "Well... no."
Ryo considered smothering his boyfriend with a pillow.
"But I'm sure it's happened to someone! So don't worry, ne! I should know; I'm a doctor!" Yamapi smiled as he thrust a thumb at his own chest.
"You're not a doctor," Nishikido grumbled, poking Yamapi in one of his boobs. "You just play one on TV. Thank God."
"Close enough!" Yamashita wrapped his arms around the smaller man and tugged backwards. "Ne, Ryo-chan, let's sleep. It'll give Ryo Jr. a chance to charge up."
Ryo sighed. He wasn't sure who he was more irritated at; the happy-go-lucky idiot he called a boyfriend or the unresponsive body part he wanted to stick in said happy-go-lucky idiot. He settled on Yamapi. After all, he'd known his penis for considerably longer and, aside from this and a few other minor indiscretions, they'd had a much stronger history together.
"You're just not sexy enough," he grumbled, finally letting his idiot boyfriend pull him down to snuggle. Because no way in hell could it be his fault. Sexy Osaka Men did not have problems like this. No sir. Absolutely not.
The room was silent save for the gentle whirring of the ceiling fan. Yamapi opened his mouth, considering saying something, and then shut it. He did his best to hide the smile as he nuzzled his face between Ryo's shoulder blades. "Sorry. I'll work on it."
Sometimes being a good leader meant knowing when to take one for the team, after all.
-----
arachnophobia - ryo x massu (1043)
Massu all but purred under Ryo's touch, writhing this way and that as if he were made of pure energy. The older man took a moment to cherish the sight, a secret shared solely between the two; the transformation from sweet, boyish Massu into the hyper-sexual Masuda. At first the gap had bothered him immensely. It was a hell of a change. But after some careful thought--and a little "convincing" on Masuda's part--Ryo had decided that it didn't really matter all that much. Everyone had their little bits of themselves they hid away. If nothing else, being the only one privy to this secret other side to Massu's personality made things even sweeter.
Plus the sex was really, really nice.
Currently the object of Ryo's desire was stretching out languidly on the bed, back arching and fingers scrabbling for purchase against the headboard, and all while gloriously naked. Ryo couldn't help the ravenous grin as he dipped down to nip along Massu's collar bone.
The younger man mewled in appreciation, legs going up to wrap around Nishikido's waist and pull him tighter against Massu. His head lolled back, exposing more skin for Ryo to administer needy kisses to, and he smiled lazily as his eyes fluttered open.
Unfortunately, that was also when he noticed the spider on the headboard.
Massu paused. Blinked. The spider inched closer to the ring finger on his left hand, oblivious to the actions of the two men on the bed below it. And so, faced with the current situation, Massu did what any self respecting pop idol with a more-than-healthy fear of bugs would do.
He shrieked like a girl and scrambled to the side of the room that was the furthest from said centimeter-long eight-legged monster.
Unfortunately, this also meant Ryo got a foot to the gut and an elbow to the chin, but Massu was more focused on his escape from the spider than his lover's safety. Ryo could be scary at times, sure, but spiders were terrifying.
Ryo took a few moments to gulp back the air that had been forcibly knocked out of him before looking at Massu as if he was positively insane. "What the fuck, Massu!"
The younger boy just pointed in the general direction of the headboard, unable to look in case that... thing was still crawling about. As it was, all he managed was a choked, "Spider!!"
Now it was Ryo's turn to blink. He gazed over to where the cowering boy was pointing. Sure enough, there was a harmless little house spider crawling around, paying no mind to the chaos it had just caused. Ryo sighed. Sexual beast though he may be, Massu was still Massu, and even at his most seductive he was still deathly afraid of bugs.
"Alright, alright," Ryo said softly. "I've got it." He moved closer on the bed, searching for something to swat the insect with. He briefly contemplated using one of Massu's girly fashion magazines, but decided that the resulting shitfit his ultra cleanly boyfriend would likely throw was not worth it. The pillows and blanket were ruled out for similar reasons. Really, it didn't look like there was anything close at hand that would work as a spider extinguisher. So he did the only thing he could think to do.
He slapped his bare palm down over the offensive little arachnid, effectively sending it on a one-way trip to the Spider Afterlife.
"Problem solved." Ryo preened.
Nishikido was expecting some sort of jubilation on Masuda's part at being saved from the little eight-legged terror. Lots of cooing and kisses and affectionate cries of my hero (and maybe even a grateful blowjob.) What he got, though, was an incredulous gape. "You killed it with your hand!?"
Ryo shrugged and grinned. It was pretty manly, wasn't it?
"Ryo, that's horrible!"
The Osakan frowned. "What, you didn't want me to kill it?"
"Not with your bare hand!" Massu cried, arms flailing about a bit for effect. And then his eyes doubled in size when he saw Ryo move the offending hand towards the blanket. "Don't you dare wipe it on the bed!"
"Damn it, Massu, stop being such a fucking girl. I'll clean it up after. Now come here. I'll make you forget about the stupid bug."
Massu looked absolutely aghast at the suggestion. Sure, he put up with Nishikido's lack of cleanliness out of love, but there were some things even pure adoration couldn't get him to do. "I'm not doing it with spider guts over my head, Ryo!" Frowning, he pointed in the general direction of the bathroom. "Go take a shower!"
Ryo rolled his eyes. He wanted to tell Massu that he was being absolutely ridiculous but one look at the tight lipped scowl the baby-faced boy was giving him and the remark died on his lips. With a heavy sigh he climbed off the bed and stomped over in the direction of the bathroom, but not before watching Massu uncurl and stand up, still very naked. Ryo paused. Maybe they could still salvage something out of this whole fiasco... "Wanna shower with me?"
Massu frowned. "I have to clean up your mess first." And with a determined gait Masuda made his way out of the bedroom. No doubt searching for a rag, some cleaning solution, and probably some heavy duty gloves.
Alone in the bedroom, Ryo glared over at the headboard and the tiny smudge of goo that had started all of this.
God damn did he hate spiders.
-----
OMAKE
"Shige! What happened to your face!?"
Koyama was hovering around his friend, trying to gingerly dab at the swelling area around his right eye and getting batted away by an extra grumpy Kato Shigeaki.
"Nishikido happened!" Shige barked, cupping the tender area to try and keep it free from Koyama's prying fingers. "One second I'm showing Tegoshi the new shirt I bought and the next thing I know he comes up and socks me in the damn eye! What the hell is his problem!"
Koyama looked down at said shirt. It didn't look all that offensive. Just a vintage white tee with an array of spiders screen printed across the front. If anything, he thought it looked kind of cool, but Ryo-chan always was a little overly sensitive when it came to fashion.
"Maybe Ryo-chan just doesn't like spiders?"
Across the room, Massu indignantly devoured a couple nikuman.
-----
... I swear, I really do like Ryo. He's my second favorite in NEWS. I just enjoy torturing him more. XD;
-----
performance anxiety - ryo x pi (652)
"Ne... maybe we should call it quits for tonight, Ryo-chan."
Ryo frowned as Yamapi rolled off of him and onto the bed. He couldn't quite understand it himself. They weren't doing anything different; if anything, the course of work, dinner, drinks, and mind blowing sex (because Nishikido didn't provide anything less) was entirely routine by now. And yet here they were in bed, naked, getting ready to engage in a quick and dirty round of the horizontal mambo...
And Ryo couldn't get it up for the life of himself.
He frowned as he sat up on the edge of the bed and glared down at his crotch. He felt like yelling because what the hell is your problem, dick but figured that the situation was already embarrassing enough without him screaming at his own penis in front of his boyfriend. "I just... need some time, is all. You can't rush genius, okay?"
Yamapi shot him a dubious look."But it's been... like... an hour."
"It has not been an hour." Ryo groused. Behind him Yamapi made an unconvinced mmmmmm to which the Osakan bristled and barked an angry, "Thirty minutes, okay? It hasn't been more than thirty minutes!"
Yamapi shrugged, fingers toying with a curly brown lock of hair. "Okay, thirty minutes. Whatever. We should probably just go to bed since you're too tired--"
"I am not too tired!" Ryo cried, instantly wincing at how whiny it sounded. Nishikido Ryo could get it up whenever he wanted, damn it! It just... took some time, apparently. Maybe he had too much on his mind. Yes, that had to be it.
"Well I'm tired!" the younger man said emphatically, throwing his arms behind his head for good measure. When Ryo refused to take the rather obvious hint, Yamapi reached over and tugged on his elbow. "C'mon, Ryo-chan. Sleep. We can try again in the morning?"
Ryo mumbled something about not wanting to try in the morning because clearly there shouldn't be a problem necessitating them to try in the morning because Nishikido Ryo was a virile young man and virile young men did not have performance issues. With a sigh, Yamapi sat up and reached a hand out to Ryo's shoulder, running the fingers along his arm in what was meant to be a soothing gesture. "It's perfectly natural, Ryo-chan. It happens to guys all the time."
Ryo turned ever so slightly, glancing at the other man from the corner of his eye. "Has it ever happened to you?"
A beat. Yamapi pursed his lips. "Well... no."
Ryo considered smothering his boyfriend with a pillow.
"But I'm sure it's happened to someone! So don't worry, ne! I should know; I'm a doctor!" Yamapi smiled as he thrust a thumb at his own chest.
"You're not a doctor," Nishikido grumbled, poking Yamapi in one of his boobs. "You just play one on TV. Thank God."
"Close enough!" Yamashita wrapped his arms around the smaller man and tugged backwards. "Ne, Ryo-chan, let's sleep. It'll give Ryo Jr. a chance to charge up."
Ryo sighed. He wasn't sure who he was more irritated at; the happy-go-lucky idiot he called a boyfriend or the unresponsive body part he wanted to stick in said happy-go-lucky idiot. He settled on Yamapi. After all, he'd known his penis for considerably longer and, aside from this and a few other minor indiscretions, they'd had a much stronger history together.
"You're just not sexy enough," he grumbled, finally letting his idiot boyfriend pull him down to snuggle. Because no way in hell could it be his fault. Sexy Osaka Men did not have problems like this. No sir. Absolutely not.
The room was silent save for the gentle whirring of the ceiling fan. Yamapi opened his mouth, considering saying something, and then shut it. He did his best to hide the smile as he nuzzled his face between Ryo's shoulder blades. "Sorry. I'll work on it."
Sometimes being a good leader meant knowing when to take one for the team, after all.
-----
arachnophobia - ryo x massu (1043)
Massu all but purred under Ryo's touch, writhing this way and that as if he were made of pure energy. The older man took a moment to cherish the sight, a secret shared solely between the two; the transformation from sweet, boyish Massu into the hyper-sexual Masuda. At first the gap had bothered him immensely. It was a hell of a change. But after some careful thought--and a little "convincing" on Masuda's part--Ryo had decided that it didn't really matter all that much. Everyone had their little bits of themselves they hid away. If nothing else, being the only one privy to this secret other side to Massu's personality made things even sweeter.
Plus the sex was really, really nice.
Currently the object of Ryo's desire was stretching out languidly on the bed, back arching and fingers scrabbling for purchase against the headboard, and all while gloriously naked. Ryo couldn't help the ravenous grin as he dipped down to nip along Massu's collar bone.
The younger man mewled in appreciation, legs going up to wrap around Nishikido's waist and pull him tighter against Massu. His head lolled back, exposing more skin for Ryo to administer needy kisses to, and he smiled lazily as his eyes fluttered open.
Unfortunately, that was also when he noticed the spider on the headboard.
Massu paused. Blinked. The spider inched closer to the ring finger on his left hand, oblivious to the actions of the two men on the bed below it. And so, faced with the current situation, Massu did what any self respecting pop idol with a more-than-healthy fear of bugs would do.
He shrieked like a girl and scrambled to the side of the room that was the furthest from said centimeter-long eight-legged monster.
Unfortunately, this also meant Ryo got a foot to the gut and an elbow to the chin, but Massu was more focused on his escape from the spider than his lover's safety. Ryo could be scary at times, sure, but spiders were terrifying.
Ryo took a few moments to gulp back the air that had been forcibly knocked out of him before looking at Massu as if he was positively insane. "What the fuck, Massu!"
The younger boy just pointed in the general direction of the headboard, unable to look in case that... thing was still crawling about. As it was, all he managed was a choked, "Spider!!"
Now it was Ryo's turn to blink. He gazed over to where the cowering boy was pointing. Sure enough, there was a harmless little house spider crawling around, paying no mind to the chaos it had just caused. Ryo sighed. Sexual beast though he may be, Massu was still Massu, and even at his most seductive he was still deathly afraid of bugs.
"Alright, alright," Ryo said softly. "I've got it." He moved closer on the bed, searching for something to swat the insect with. He briefly contemplated using one of Massu's girly fashion magazines, but decided that the resulting shitfit his ultra cleanly boyfriend would likely throw was not worth it. The pillows and blanket were ruled out for similar reasons. Really, it didn't look like there was anything close at hand that would work as a spider extinguisher. So he did the only thing he could think to do.
He slapped his bare palm down over the offensive little arachnid, effectively sending it on a one-way trip to the Spider Afterlife.
"Problem solved." Ryo preened.
Nishikido was expecting some sort of jubilation on Masuda's part at being saved from the little eight-legged terror. Lots of cooing and kisses and affectionate cries of my hero (and maybe even a grateful blowjob.) What he got, though, was an incredulous gape. "You killed it with your hand!?"
Ryo shrugged and grinned. It was pretty manly, wasn't it?
"Ryo, that's horrible!"
The Osakan frowned. "What, you didn't want me to kill it?"
"Not with your bare hand!" Massu cried, arms flailing about a bit for effect. And then his eyes doubled in size when he saw Ryo move the offending hand towards the blanket. "Don't you dare wipe it on the bed!"
"Damn it, Massu, stop being such a fucking girl. I'll clean it up after. Now come here. I'll make you forget about the stupid bug."
Massu looked absolutely aghast at the suggestion. Sure, he put up with Nishikido's lack of cleanliness out of love, but there were some things even pure adoration couldn't get him to do. "I'm not doing it with spider guts over my head, Ryo!" Frowning, he pointed in the general direction of the bathroom. "Go take a shower!"
Ryo rolled his eyes. He wanted to tell Massu that he was being absolutely ridiculous but one look at the tight lipped scowl the baby-faced boy was giving him and the remark died on his lips. With a heavy sigh he climbed off the bed and stomped over in the direction of the bathroom, but not before watching Massu uncurl and stand up, still very naked. Ryo paused. Maybe they could still salvage something out of this whole fiasco... "Wanna shower with me?"
Massu frowned. "I have to clean up your mess first." And with a determined gait Masuda made his way out of the bedroom. No doubt searching for a rag, some cleaning solution, and probably some heavy duty gloves.
Alone in the bedroom, Ryo glared over at the headboard and the tiny smudge of goo that had started all of this.
God damn did he hate spiders.
-----
OMAKE
"Shige! What happened to your face!?"
Koyama was hovering around his friend, trying to gingerly dab at the swelling area around his right eye and getting batted away by an extra grumpy Kato Shigeaki.
"Nishikido happened!" Shige barked, cupping the tender area to try and keep it free from Koyama's prying fingers. "One second I'm showing Tegoshi the new shirt I bought and the next thing I know he comes up and socks me in the damn eye! What the hell is his problem!"
Koyama looked down at said shirt. It didn't look all that offensive. Just a vintage white tee with an array of spiders screen printed across the front. If anything, he thought it looked kind of cool, but Ryo-chan always was a little overly sensitive when it came to fashion.
"Maybe Ryo-chan just doesn't like spiders?"
Across the room, Massu indignantly devoured a couple nikuman.
-----
... I swear, I really do like Ryo. He's my second favorite in NEWS. I just enjoy torturing him more. XD;