who are you, Yifan?

Jun 10, 2006 14:21

I haven’t written my dreams down in a while, but I figured I would today because I remember last night’s nice and clearly and it was especially weird. I know that two nights ago I had dreams all about my sister but I can’t really remember them. I also had that dream about a week ago involving the awkward hooking up with Hallie and Jen being hunted by Donni Khan in a zebra suit…and Harkness being in Keeney, where the ceiling were way too short and the walls were all painted with weird cool-colored (blues/greens) murals...but those involved have heard about it enough. Ehhhhhhhh so last night...gets weirder I think

It is commencement time at Brown, and it is being held at a library/athletic facilities. There are a bunch of things going on at once-the men’s swim team is playing soccer on this field vs. the national team from Spain, and later girls from my old high school are playing there too. At some point I have field hockey practice, like the old days, with Coach Tobin and all the girls from the Chariho team. On top of it all there is also a swim meet going on, and I remember watching some girls that I met in China last summer swim and commenting on how they have good flip turns. But all in all, it is "commencement", with nothing commencement-y actually going on except for the fact that there is a stage and podium, so I am looking for something to do. I decide to call up Eric Skinner to see if he wants to hang out. Lo and behold, his whole family shows up out of nowhere and starts hanging out with mine. We all talk for a while, then I realize that Eric isn’t actually there…his parents and Kayla are, but only his shoes are there. I figure that he must be around if his shoes are, so I go look for him. I wander to the library part of this odd setting and find an old woman reading on the floor. It looks like Ruth Simmons, but too dark and dressed weirdly…almost like Ruth under cover. She asks me if I want her to read me a book, and I am lonely and bored and kind of in awe so I say yes. We start reading, and suddenly I have another dream that I think is suppose to be a flashback.

I was lying in a bed in a strange house, and I couldn’t remember whose it was. Ok, so in real life, a while back Ryan showed me this film about Ithaca that he made for a class. Well apparently I was sleeping over one of his Ithaca friend’s house in this dream…they were going to let me crash there because I was on my way somewhere else, I don’t really remember. So anyhow, I’m sleeping there and the Ithaca people walk in and forget who I am for a second and look at me all funny, then they remember that I’m Ryan’s friend and leave me alone.

So suddenly I am back at the commencement place. Still no sign of Eric, and Ruth is around but no longer reading. I decide that this flashback must be significant and so I call Ryan, but he doesn’t pick up. I go back to where my family is with the Skinners, and it’s just Kayla and…Ryan’s mom? His mom gets up to leave and says she will be right back, she just has to go get her son. I kind of watch her out of the corner of my eye because I’m surprised that Ryan is even at the “commencement”. Kayla is trying to show me pictures she took on my cell phone (the camera part is broken in real life). Suddenly, Ryan appears wearing what looks like a plastic, superhero-esque Tiger-like costume (think Power Rangers in transformation maybe?) that has been dipped in white paint. I ask him if he will be around later, and he kind of glares at me and tells me he can’t because he’s going home.

So now comes the climax, sort of. Apparently, Ryan Mott is pregnant.
He is very self-conscious about this, and very distant and cold as a result. Somehow, we are walking up the stairs of this big wooden tower/house (he and I and lots of random people who were in the previous part of the dream). As I am walking up, I start to look through old pictures that I painted in art class, which I happen to have on me. I start criticizing my work and trying to find the places where I could improve my work, and vaguely remember a mentally-challenged person that was in my class. As we get up higher and higher in the tower, I realize that Ryan and I are the only two still climbing. Suddenly we reach the top, where there’s a room, and Ryan goes in and closes the door. I sit outside, and our conversation goes something like this:
Me: “Can I come in?”
R: “No.”
Y: “Uh…please?”
R: “Don’t you see the sign on the door? It says only two people tops are allowed in this room. And I’ve got the baby.”
Y: “Well…how about two parents?” (I guess this suggests that I got him pregnant?)
Ryan starts getting all emotional and sad and lets me in and doesn’t know what to do with himself. He is sitting in a giant sleeping back on the floor of what looks like an attic. Just a note that his belly keeps shrinking and growing-he’s not wearing a shirt, and sometimes I look over and he looks normal and other times he’s huge…but he is indeed pregnant. Yeah anyway.
R: “Yifan…do you think I’m retarded?”
Y: “Of course not!”
R: *flips me off* “I knew it, I knew you’d say that.”
Y: “What are you even talking about?”
R: “So full of shit. Stop trying to make me feel better.”
Y: “Hey, hey, that’s not all I have to say. This makes me think of a retarded guy that used to be in my art class [that I had been thinking about on the way up the stairs]…he used to give me feedback on my art that was actually very helpful, and the fact that he was retarded wasn’t even a factor then. But if you really thought about it, I guess that made you retarded too…if you took his advice. The point is, it’s all about prespective.”
R: “I’m so scared! I’m too young for this.”
Y: “Hey, don’t get intimidated. You don’t have to follow a trend, just do it your own way. Stop caving in to what other people expect of you, or what you think that they expect of you, or what you expect of youself. I’ll help breastfeed the baby for a while. I mean, neither of us have had children before, so it doesn’t matter that this is a bit unconventional…we wouldn’t know the difference anyway right? Just try to be happy…I promise I’ll be there to help you.”
Ryan lights up a little and offers a spot on his giant sleeping bag and we just kind of sit there for a while. We start to kiss a little, and physical contact results in us morphing into different people. He turns into Jack from the show Will & Grace, except he isn’t gay and I keep calling him Ross. And I’m Courtney Cox Arquette (Now I do remember talking to Claire about Ross on the phone last night, and I saw a preview for a movie with Courtney Cox Arquette in it...it’s still bizarre though). Jack/Ross/Ryan starts coughing up some blood and having contractions, so I haul ass downstairs and start hollering for someone to call the hospital.

Later, I’m in a bathroom with some Chinese women that my mom is friends with, some real and some that I guess I made up. They are going to do all this weird stuff to my hair and teeth, a “pregnant procedure” as they call it. “But I’m not the pregnant one,” I say. “No you’re not, but you did offer to provide breast milk, so we have to cut your hair.” Then my father walks in and I flip out at him.

That about covers it I think.

Ha, and to think I was very freaked out when Kelly had the dream a few years ago that Jack had gotten my then-boyfriend pregnant.

Some girl that does lab work with me at Clemson was saying how it’s “bad” to remember your dreams vividly because it means that you aren’t in the right stage of sleep and that you are never truly rested. Oops.

I think Dan Butler would be proud of himself if he read this, proof that my “fantastical world” is indeed a strange place. I’m not denying it…but it’s weird, most of the time these dreams are TOO weird to really seem to have any significance to anything. I guess the conversation in the attic with Ryan was semi-relevant…but not really…and why did he have to be pregnant??? I definitely do not want to get anyone pregnant now, if that was even possible. And the girls from China…and Tobin? I haven't even thought about them or that time recently at all. Whaaat.

Kudos to you if you made it this far.

I like how nowadays, when I actually use livejournal, it's usually not to talk about anything that ACTUALLY happened.
...um, well I'm in South Carolina and didn't go to Canada this weekend like my parents had originally planned. I might go try to practice in an outdoor pool today. Very torn about the whole to-swim-or-not-to-swim situation.
but at least one thing was true to what I feel in the dream...I do miss field hockey.
Previous post Next post
Up