Guilt - Bury Your Dead, part 1 (written before episode aired)
Title: Guilt
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing/Characters: Tony, Gibbs, appearances by most others
Summary: Gibbs feels guilty about how he's treated Tony. Gibbs thoughts. Chapter 1 is all of S4 and future chapters will be each episode of S5, basically I'll do a chapter for the episodes I have inspiration for (which, seeing how the season has been going, isn't too many. Plus my NCIS muse seems to be on Hiatus. Oh, that was a bad pun...)It's kind of hard to explain. Not Slash.
Rating: PG-13
Big thanks to my beta, VanishingP2000 over on fanfiction.net!
Bury Your Dead
Part 1
Tony was dead. It was too late. No matter how many times I sit here, watching and re-watching the footage, I still see the same thing I had seen in MTAC earlier that day. Tony’s car exploding in a fireball. The sight of Tony’s burnt out shell of a car in the middle of the road, the charcoal black body in the driver’s seat. And Ducky’s voice, saying that death would have been instantaneous. Jenny took our team off the case. She said that we were too close. That I was too close. That it was the first time she had ever seen me cry at a crime scene. And she’s right. I’ve never cried at a crime scene before. I was a Marine. Death was nothing new. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even cry when Kate was killed. The last time I actually remember crying over someone’s death was Shannon and Kelly. Which fits really. Tony was like a son to me and now he’s dead. And he died thinking I was indifferent to him. I’m really living up to that second B.
I sent my team home hours ago. McGee had been the first to leave, dragging a hysterically sobbing Abby with him. It broke my heart to see her like that. I’d never seen her cry so openly. Sure, she cried when Kate had died, but she’d pretended that she was alright. But now, she didn’t even bother to try and hide it. Ziva had wanted to stay and investigate it anyway but Jen had convinced her to leave. I’m not sure what she said, as the entire conversation was in Hebrew, but I honestly don’t care what she said. She got Ziva to leave that was the important part. Jen left with Ziva, looking as if she wanted to cry. Ducky had attempted to get me to leave, but I refused, telling him that if I went home I would end up smashing the boat and it wouldn’t make me feel better anyway. Plus I needed this boat. I couldn’t smash it. After Ducky finally left I just pulled up the footage and put it on loop.
I’ve been watching the 2 and a half minute clip for over four hours now. I’m trying to avoid the fact that I’m going to have to plan a funeral for my Senior Field Agent. My friend. The man who is the closest thing I ever had to a son. His family doesn’t give a crap, I’m his next of kin and I have his power of attorney, which means I have to deal with the funeral preparations. Hell if I know what he wants. That’s a lie really. I know exactly what he’d want. But it doesn’t make me want to do it. He told me that if he was ever killed in line of duty he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes spread at sea. Adding, in true DiNozzo fashion, that he wanted me to do it from my basement boat, if I ever managed to finish one. I’ve decided on a name for the boat I just started building. The DiNozzo. I’ll take time off. I’ll finish the boat and I’ll grant Tony’s last wish. I just wish I didn’t have to. I wish it had been me. It should have been me. I let him down. For the last time.
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing/Characters: Tony, Gibbs, appearances by most others
Summary: Gibbs feels guilty about how he's treated Tony. Gibbs thoughts. Chapter 1 is all of S4 and future chapters will be each episode of S5, basically I'll do a chapter for the episodes I have inspiration for (which, seeing how the season has been going, isn't too many. Plus my NCIS muse seems to be on Hiatus. Oh, that was a bad pun...)It's kind of hard to explain. Not Slash.
Rating: PG-13
Big thanks to my beta, VanishingP2000 over on fanfiction.net!
Bury Your Dead
Part 1
Tony was dead. It was too late. No matter how many times I sit here, watching and re-watching the footage, I still see the same thing I had seen in MTAC earlier that day. Tony’s car exploding in a fireball. The sight of Tony’s burnt out shell of a car in the middle of the road, the charcoal black body in the driver’s seat. And Ducky’s voice, saying that death would have been instantaneous. Jenny took our team off the case. She said that we were too close. That I was too close. That it was the first time she had ever seen me cry at a crime scene. And she’s right. I’ve never cried at a crime scene before. I was a Marine. Death was nothing new. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even cry when Kate was killed. The last time I actually remember crying over someone’s death was Shannon and Kelly. Which fits really. Tony was like a son to me and now he’s dead. And he died thinking I was indifferent to him. I’m really living up to that second B.
I sent my team home hours ago. McGee had been the first to leave, dragging a hysterically sobbing Abby with him. It broke my heart to see her like that. I’d never seen her cry so openly. Sure, she cried when Kate had died, but she’d pretended that she was alright. But now, she didn’t even bother to try and hide it. Ziva had wanted to stay and investigate it anyway but Jen had convinced her to leave. I’m not sure what she said, as the entire conversation was in Hebrew, but I honestly don’t care what she said. She got Ziva to leave that was the important part. Jen left with Ziva, looking as if she wanted to cry. Ducky had attempted to get me to leave, but I refused, telling him that if I went home I would end up smashing the boat and it wouldn’t make me feel better anyway. Plus I needed this boat. I couldn’t smash it. After Ducky finally left I just pulled up the footage and put it on loop.
I’ve been watching the 2 and a half minute clip for over four hours now. I’m trying to avoid the fact that I’m going to have to plan a funeral for my Senior Field Agent. My friend. The man who is the closest thing I ever had to a son. His family doesn’t give a crap, I’m his next of kin and I have his power of attorney, which means I have to deal with the funeral preparations. Hell if I know what he wants. That’s a lie really. I know exactly what he’d want. But it doesn’t make me want to do it. He told me that if he was ever killed in line of duty he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes spread at sea. Adding, in true DiNozzo fashion, that he wanted me to do it from my basement boat, if I ever managed to finish one. I’ve decided on a name for the boat I just started building. The DiNozzo. I’ll take time off. I’ll finish the boat and I’ll grant Tony’s last wish. I just wish I didn’t have to. I wish it had been me. It should have been me. I let him down. For the last time.