It's 4am...
...and I'm still awake.
I don't even know where to start about what happened today. It's amazing how much your "plans" or even your life can change in a matter of seconds. In two weeks, I was supposed to be taking one of the first big steps in my life. Everything was set for me to move down to So Cal on the 22nd... or so I thought.
I try not to make plans for my life for this VERY reason. It's situations just like this one that has caused me to be spontanious and a procrastinator. Something always falls through. It used to be my fault when something wouldn't get done or completed because I would get bored/sidetracked, but as I've learned to follow through with things, it seems like they STILL never reach the point they were intended to.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing that there's nothing you can do. It's either out of your control, or time just has to pass. I was so proud of myself that I got one whole room packed up... it was only the bathroom, but I was finally getting excited again about leaving. For the past week or so, I've been pretty depressed about leaving a place that I have no real reason to leave.
My bosses and co-workers are taking me out to dinner the night before I move... what if I really don't leave? I've quit my job, my shifts have been replaced, I've got Alana and her boyfriend helping me move, and I got a ton of stuff for Christmas from relatives who are supporting the decision I made to move out.
I AM SO LOST.
I know it's not the end of the world... but I feel like I'm a failure. I was so READY to go... but now I feel very young and uncapable. I cried harder than I think I ever have tonight. Now it's 4am and I've made myself sick over the whole thing. I feel like shit.
Where is my life going now? What am I aiming towards?
I was looking forward to being surrounded by friends so much. Here, I have a few good friends, but I'm done with this town.
Things can still change within the next two days... but I'm not getting my hopes up. It was made pretty clear to me tonight that there is a better chance of me going absolutely nowhere.
I don't even know where to start about what happened today. It's amazing how much your "plans" or even your life can change in a matter of seconds. In two weeks, I was supposed to be taking one of the first big steps in my life. Everything was set for me to move down to So Cal on the 22nd... or so I thought.
I try not to make plans for my life for this VERY reason. It's situations just like this one that has caused me to be spontanious and a procrastinator. Something always falls through. It used to be my fault when something wouldn't get done or completed because I would get bored/sidetracked, but as I've learned to follow through with things, it seems like they STILL never reach the point they were intended to.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing that there's nothing you can do. It's either out of your control, or time just has to pass. I was so proud of myself that I got one whole room packed up... it was only the bathroom, but I was finally getting excited again about leaving. For the past week or so, I've been pretty depressed about leaving a place that I have no real reason to leave.
My bosses and co-workers are taking me out to dinner the night before I move... what if I really don't leave? I've quit my job, my shifts have been replaced, I've got Alana and her boyfriend helping me move, and I got a ton of stuff for Christmas from relatives who are supporting the decision I made to move out.
I AM SO LOST.
I know it's not the end of the world... but I feel like I'm a failure. I was so READY to go... but now I feel very young and uncapable. I cried harder than I think I ever have tonight. Now it's 4am and I've made myself sick over the whole thing. I feel like shit.
Where is my life going now? What am I aiming towards?
I was looking forward to being surrounded by friends so much. Here, I have a few good friends, but I'm done with this town.
Things can still change within the next two days... but I'm not getting my hopes up. It was made pretty clear to me tonight that there is a better chance of me going absolutely nowhere.