am i always lost or what?... lol

[coko]

so life is going well now a days... no major shit is happening nothing crazy just happened to anyone.. lol.. thank goodness for that.. but i am very content with how life feels now.. real relaxed and nothing too stressful.. ya know.. ugghh...my ex and i talked a couple of days ago.. really kinda tripped me out.. i had no idea i was gunna actually talk to her.. after everything.. i still talked to her.. now this isnt my most recent ex this is my love.. ehhh.. she broke my heart bad.. and she continued to after she appologized and everything.. she trashed my name in fall river for a hot minute.. but for whatever reason she helped me recently way way behind my back and i appreciated it... so i had imed her and said thank you.. but for whatever reason it was her brother.. weird huh.. so she ended callin my mom and my mom did 3 way and put the phone down so we could talk.. just cause i didnt want nicole to have my new number.. its too much of a hassle when she gets it and then cant stop callin it.. so we talked.... and it was ok.. so i think i am having closure here.... it feels like it..
i met another cancer... i love cancers.. she is beautiful and sweet.. but who knows what may happen with that... i just need friends right now.. i always rush and i dont want to... especially now that i am older i say if it is someone that is relationship material.. take ur time.. ya know.. lol.. but anyhoo.. i actually have a day off tomorrow i am so psyked... and i may go and see this particular cancer girl again.. to hang out and learn more about her.. ya know..i just dont want to be hurt... i just cant do it anymore... i cant be let down... its too painful.. lol.. i am so sensitive.. lol but anyways.. i will write again.. i need to.. its like therapy..