(no subject)
Discovered that my position as a gallery intern somehow gives me free access to the academic journals online. So I've now got a ton of PDFs on anorexia to be reading. I've kinda overloaded my brain with information at the moment, I need time to consider it all but I'm sure something will come of it in the end, hopefully something I can put into words and post here.
One issue at the forefront of my mind today is this: Is recovery a matter of treating the disease or the personality? It's pretty much accepted that anorexia is a multi-causal disease and that one of those causes is a certain type of personality which gives a person a propensity to disordered eating. We all know that anorexics resist treatment (a symptom), because anorexia so often feel like a last ditch attempt to salvage some personal integrity and identity. The person and the disease are so tangled together, especially when the personality is pathological.
From a personal point of view, I'm giving up on changing my personality (perfectionistic, conflict-avoidant, neurotic etc) and would rather recovery meant learning strategies to be sucessful despite my innate traits.
I'm in a good place regarding my ED. Restricting enough to stave off the existential angst. As usual it takes up most of my waking thoughts but that's a welcome distraction at the moment. Physically healthy apart from the jaw infection. No sexual desire or heightened emotions but that could be the prozac. Starting to feel a bit disassociative.