theatrical_muse
"I will speak with a representative of your planet," the little alien demanded.
"Ah." Ianto did a quick mental checklist. Jack and Gwen were off in Northern Ireland investigating the disappearance of Dunluce castle. Owen and Tosh were on loan to a hospital in Penarth, sorting out the tail end of an extraterrestrial plague. Well. That just left-- "I suppose," Ianto ventured slowly, "that would be me."
The visitor was not very large at all, perhaps the size of a small child, and did not seem to be very threatening.
Mostly, this was because it was smirking.
"Your English is perfect," Ianto added, because it seemed like a good thing to say. Might delay the inevitable threats of imminent takeover, at least. And really, despite a the slight hints of a Northern accent, his English was exceptional. Too often they ran into tourists with terrible grammar.
"Thank you," was the answer, smirk still in place. "Linguistically simple, your backwater planet."
He cleared his throat and decided not to address that particular put-down. Instead, he smiled his most disarming, mild smile and used the tone of voice generally cultivated either for the information desk or beverage service. "Was there something I can help you with?"
"Yes."
The pause lasted a little too long. When it became obvious that this was going to be harder than usual, he held back a sigh and cast a mournful glance toward the computer at Tosh's workstation. The cursor blinked hopefully as it waited for him to finish the encryption program he and Toshiko had been working on. "And that would be...?"
"Well, no," the alien amended, almost to itself. "There's something I can help you with."
Ianto just waited.
"I," it continued, after a suitable pause, "am Raj, Supreme Commander of the Rinrajhri Distinct, and I have come to offer you one wish."
"One wish?" At the nod-- and he assumed that the odd little body quake was a nod-- Ianto laughed, incredulous. "Do you mind if I ask why? I'm not trying to be difficult, mind."
"Oh, no," Raj said, sounding positively delighted. "I don't mind. In fact, I've prepared an entire speech. It's customary, when dealing with the, ahem, lesser races in our corner of the galaxy." He cleared his throat with a hacking cough and drew himself up to his full, if not formidable, height. "The Rinrajhri Distinct, ancestral home to the Rinrajhri people, holds Rinrajhri Prime, a of blue and gold, whose three moons turn in glory. Now, two thirds of the way through the third moon phase, Supreme Commander Raj--" He paused. "That's me."
Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes; he nodded and replied, in respectful tones, "Yes, I remember."
Raj looked pleased and started again. "Now, two thirds of the way through the third moon phase, Supreme Commander Raj has decreed that our esteemed neighbors, all inhabited planets whose districts border our own, shall receive ambassadors of good will."
"Also you."
"Aha! You're catching on. Humans are not so dense as our researchers had supposed. I will have to send someone back here to gather more information. Fascinating. But-- where was I?"
"Ambassadors of good will."
Yes!" Raj exclaimed. "Ambassadors of good will. In order to foster imperial relations, I had the brilliant idea of gifting our allies with various useful wares, theories, or patents."
Ianto raised one eyebrow. He, and certainly Torchwood, would no doubt be interested in any or all of the above. "That's very-- neighborly of you." Hopefully negotiations could wait until Jack returned; in the meantime, he could play the gracious host. However, I'm not entirely certain that I'm authorized to receive--"
The little alien wheezed and it took Ianto a long moment to realize that it was laughing. "Our allies," it repeated. "Only our allies, those of similar strength and advancement. The lower planets, such as your own, get smaller displays of good will. One wish!"
"One wish for the entire planet?"
"Exactly."
Ianto considered this. It seemed to have no inherent logic. One wish for one representative of the planet. Still, he supposed, it did demonstrate a certain amount of good will-- of karma, though ill-advised. Out of respect, he tried to be as diplomatic as he could. "Isn't that a bit dangerous? Who knows what damage one wish could do to a society's internal stability."
"You think too much," Raj chided. "Especially for a human. My military's flagship carries the means to grant you any desire, material, temporal, social, etcetera. Just make it known."
"There's nothing I want," he told it mildly.
"Absolutely nothing?"
"Nothing." A thought nagged at the back of his mind; after a moment, it seized and wouldn't let go. He deflated slightly. "At least, nothing that you can grant. You can't return the dead."
He was rewarded with a blinding grin-- and a view of small, pointed teeth. "Did I not say temporal?"
"Oh, no," Ianto countered. "I won't fall for that. I say I wish Lisa were alive and you rip apart time and space to get her here, and the next thing you know we're being circled by Reapers." He fixed the alien with a severe look. "That wasn't a wish."
Raj looked taken aback, mouthed 'Earth' to himself, and then exclaimed, "You aren't supposed to know about Reapers!"
Ianto, unruffled, pursed his lips. "I'm not supposed to know about aliens, either."
"Ah." Ianto did a quick mental checklist. Jack and Gwen were off in Northern Ireland investigating the disappearance of Dunluce castle. Owen and Tosh were on loan to a hospital in Penarth, sorting out the tail end of an extraterrestrial plague. Well. That just left-- "I suppose," Ianto ventured slowly, "that would be me."
The visitor was not very large at all, perhaps the size of a small child, and did not seem to be very threatening.
Mostly, this was because it was smirking.
"Your English is perfect," Ianto added, because it seemed like a good thing to say. Might delay the inevitable threats of imminent takeover, at least. And really, despite a the slight hints of a Northern accent, his English was exceptional. Too often they ran into tourists with terrible grammar.
"Thank you," was the answer, smirk still in place. "Linguistically simple, your backwater planet."
He cleared his throat and decided not to address that particular put-down. Instead, he smiled his most disarming, mild smile and used the tone of voice generally cultivated either for the information desk or beverage service. "Was there something I can help you with?"
"Yes."
The pause lasted a little too long. When it became obvious that this was going to be harder than usual, he held back a sigh and cast a mournful glance toward the computer at Tosh's workstation. The cursor blinked hopefully as it waited for him to finish the encryption program he and Toshiko had been working on. "And that would be...?"
"Well, no," the alien amended, almost to itself. "There's something I can help you with."
Ianto just waited.
"I," it continued, after a suitable pause, "am Raj, Supreme Commander of the Rinrajhri Distinct, and I have come to offer you one wish."
"One wish?" At the nod-- and he assumed that the odd little body quake was a nod-- Ianto laughed, incredulous. "Do you mind if I ask why? I'm not trying to be difficult, mind."
"Oh, no," Raj said, sounding positively delighted. "I don't mind. In fact, I've prepared an entire speech. It's customary, when dealing with the, ahem, lesser races in our corner of the galaxy." He cleared his throat with a hacking cough and drew himself up to his full, if not formidable, height. "The Rinrajhri Distinct, ancestral home to the Rinrajhri people, holds Rinrajhri Prime, a of blue and gold, whose three moons turn in glory. Now, two thirds of the way through the third moon phase, Supreme Commander Raj--" He paused. "That's me."
Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes; he nodded and replied, in respectful tones, "Yes, I remember."
Raj looked pleased and started again. "Now, two thirds of the way through the third moon phase, Supreme Commander Raj has decreed that our esteemed neighbors, all inhabited planets whose districts border our own, shall receive ambassadors of good will."
"Also you."
"Aha! You're catching on. Humans are not so dense as our researchers had supposed. I will have to send someone back here to gather more information. Fascinating. But-- where was I?"
"Ambassadors of good will."
Yes!" Raj exclaimed. "Ambassadors of good will. In order to foster imperial relations, I had the brilliant idea of gifting our allies with various useful wares, theories, or patents."
Ianto raised one eyebrow. He, and certainly Torchwood, would no doubt be interested in any or all of the above. "That's very-- neighborly of you." Hopefully negotiations could wait until Jack returned; in the meantime, he could play the gracious host. However, I'm not entirely certain that I'm authorized to receive--"
The little alien wheezed and it took Ianto a long moment to realize that it was laughing. "Our allies," it repeated. "Only our allies, those of similar strength and advancement. The lower planets, such as your own, get smaller displays of good will. One wish!"
"One wish for the entire planet?"
"Exactly."
Ianto considered this. It seemed to have no inherent logic. One wish for one representative of the planet. Still, he supposed, it did demonstrate a certain amount of good will-- of karma, though ill-advised. Out of respect, he tried to be as diplomatic as he could. "Isn't that a bit dangerous? Who knows what damage one wish could do to a society's internal stability."
"You think too much," Raj chided. "Especially for a human. My military's flagship carries the means to grant you any desire, material, temporal, social, etcetera. Just make it known."
"There's nothing I want," he told it mildly.
"Absolutely nothing?"
"Nothing." A thought nagged at the back of his mind; after a moment, it seized and wouldn't let go. He deflated slightly. "At least, nothing that you can grant. You can't return the dead."
He was rewarded with a blinding grin-- and a view of small, pointed teeth. "Did I not say temporal?"
"Oh, no," Ianto countered. "I won't fall for that. I say I wish Lisa were alive and you rip apart time and space to get her here, and the next thing you know we're being circled by Reapers." He fixed the alien with a severe look. "That wasn't a wish."
Raj looked taken aback, mouthed 'Earth' to himself, and then exclaimed, "You aren't supposed to know about Reapers!"
Ianto, unruffled, pursed his lips. "I'm not supposed to know about aliens, either."