Bi-Polar
So, I think I'm going to ask my step mom to schedule me an appointment with our doctor and talk to her about having a mild case of bi-polar. I think thats what i'm getting. I mean, all day today, ive been in such a great, awesome mood - and now all of a sudden i'm completely depressed. Go figure. I had a few more of the "panic attacks" or the "anxity" attacks, or whatever you wanna call them, but this one isn't it. I'm just suddenly overcome with saddness. I truly don't understand. I'm getting a little worried.
When I talked to mrs latacki about it, she said that i can get a natural substance pill that is for mild bipolar 'victoms'...if you will, and it will help without all of the after affects, like stomach problems and such. I hate taking anit depressents, they make me sick and make me hate whoever put me on them to begin with. I AM NOT DEPRESSED! I am happy with the way things are going with me, except for the whole living with my dad thing, i wish i could move with my mom tomorrow, or tonight, but its not going to happen for a while at least. But, other then that, I'm getting good grades, things are awesome with andrew and i, i don't know whats gotten into me. I'm happy - extremely happy one minute and extremely sad, annoyed, pissed off, or whatever the next. Much like today and at Andrea's graduation party and at school, i'm perfectly fine one minute but then the next i'm spazing out and feeling like i'm going to throw up or just extremely pissed off about something. Or - in this case, sad. i'm majorly bummed and sad about something, yet I have NO clue what it is. Saturday morning, I woke up like that, but tried to push it off and as it got closer and closer to time to go to work, i started to shake and spaz out. It got so bad that i had to call in. I don't understand what is going on with me. I really don't want to talk to lisa about it, but its beginning to scare me.
There is one thing bothering me though. I feel like I'm losing most of my freeland friends. Like, I've got Brandi, however she is graduating Thursday - and wont be a "freeland" student anymore. Nathan, the kid who used to be my best friend, doesn't even look at me anymore. Richard and Sarah, don't talk to me, much more then a "hey" walking down the hall. Michelle talks to me in class, which is cool, and so does tamera...which is also cool.. Nate N. is pretty cool, he at least walks with me sometimes and always seems to notice me and say hello. Jerry -- haha, you've gotta be kidding me - he doesn't even like look in my general area anymore. Its sad. I really did care for him, and I still care what happens to him and everything I'm still interested in whats going on with him, but he doesn't talk anymore. The only thing he ever says to me anymore is answering my questions about his grandfather. Lena and i talk once in a while on the way to SCC in the morning and same with Shawn and I. Sean W. and I talk in class sometimes, its cool. Killie H and I get along good in class and we do a lot of work together, which is cool. Kyle and I used to be closer then we are now... of course thats when I was going out with Jerry. Chelsea W used to be my friend when she was dating Nathan, but not anymore. Andrew ... not freeland of course, but hes graduating and leaving here, right quick and he is my best friend. He is the one I talk to about everything and turn to when i'm upset. I don't know what I'm going to do when hes gone. My goodness, even Josh is graduating and leaving me by myself at SCC next year. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I seriously go though my day at freeland sitting by myself in franz's class, sometimes talking to killie and the two shawns (sean) and getting online. Then there is lunch *if i even go* and i don't sit with anyone really. I just walk around or sit in the hall. Then math, which consists of everyone playing millionare lately. No one talks to me with the exception of Beacky, Erin and Beth once in a while, but hardly. Dennis sometimes, but not much. All of whom are seniors and are graduating on Thursday. Then there is english, which i must say, is my favorite part of the day. Mrs Roberson actually talks to me and has a real discussion with me about things. And as long as I remember to do her work, she is very nice. She just get frusterated when someone doesn't do the work they are supposed to do. She is very leanlent, but doesn't exept late work, unless its a project. Which, makes sence in real life, you can't turn in "late" work at your job. Ya know. its just not the way life works out. Hummm... There is Sammie JO and Jessica. The only two that I actually consider quote, unquote ... FRIENDS, anymore. AND i hardly talk to them. I wish I would more - but I don't really get the chance to talk to them, They are in none of my classes and i don't know. I guess i just feel lonely and left out - when it comes to the friends i've had for years here at freeland. I'm going to be a senior next year and i have never felt more accomplished with my work then i do now, but i feel more lost then ever when it comes to friends and such. I don't know what i'm going to do.
However, i do know that this is getting really long and I need to be going. I have to go pick up some nachoes for dinner and make some rice and crap. SO, i'll talk to ya'll later.
XoXo Melissa XoXo
PS.. I am looking forward to being DECA president next year though, it will be AWESOME!!! YAY!!
PPS... I love Andrew Johnathan Thiel!
When I talked to mrs latacki about it, she said that i can get a natural substance pill that is for mild bipolar 'victoms'...if you will, and it will help without all of the after affects, like stomach problems and such. I hate taking anit depressents, they make me sick and make me hate whoever put me on them to begin with. I AM NOT DEPRESSED! I am happy with the way things are going with me, except for the whole living with my dad thing, i wish i could move with my mom tomorrow, or tonight, but its not going to happen for a while at least. But, other then that, I'm getting good grades, things are awesome with andrew and i, i don't know whats gotten into me. I'm happy - extremely happy one minute and extremely sad, annoyed, pissed off, or whatever the next. Much like today and at Andrea's graduation party and at school, i'm perfectly fine one minute but then the next i'm spazing out and feeling like i'm going to throw up or just extremely pissed off about something. Or - in this case, sad. i'm majorly bummed and sad about something, yet I have NO clue what it is. Saturday morning, I woke up like that, but tried to push it off and as it got closer and closer to time to go to work, i started to shake and spaz out. It got so bad that i had to call in. I don't understand what is going on with me. I really don't want to talk to lisa about it, but its beginning to scare me.
There is one thing bothering me though. I feel like I'm losing most of my freeland friends. Like, I've got Brandi, however she is graduating Thursday - and wont be a "freeland" student anymore. Nathan, the kid who used to be my best friend, doesn't even look at me anymore. Richard and Sarah, don't talk to me, much more then a "hey" walking down the hall. Michelle talks to me in class, which is cool, and so does tamera...which is also cool.. Nate N. is pretty cool, he at least walks with me sometimes and always seems to notice me and say hello. Jerry -- haha, you've gotta be kidding me - he doesn't even like look in my general area anymore. Its sad. I really did care for him, and I still care what happens to him and everything I'm still interested in whats going on with him, but he doesn't talk anymore. The only thing he ever says to me anymore is answering my questions about his grandfather. Lena and i talk once in a while on the way to SCC in the morning and same with Shawn and I. Sean W. and I talk in class sometimes, its cool. Killie H and I get along good in class and we do a lot of work together, which is cool. Kyle and I used to be closer then we are now... of course thats when I was going out with Jerry. Chelsea W used to be my friend when she was dating Nathan, but not anymore. Andrew ... not freeland of course, but hes graduating and leaving here, right quick and he is my best friend. He is the one I talk to about everything and turn to when i'm upset. I don't know what I'm going to do when hes gone. My goodness, even Josh is graduating and leaving me by myself at SCC next year. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I seriously go though my day at freeland sitting by myself in franz's class, sometimes talking to killie and the two shawns (sean) and getting online. Then there is lunch *if i even go* and i don't sit with anyone really. I just walk around or sit in the hall. Then math, which consists of everyone playing millionare lately. No one talks to me with the exception of Beacky, Erin and Beth once in a while, but hardly. Dennis sometimes, but not much. All of whom are seniors and are graduating on Thursday. Then there is english, which i must say, is my favorite part of the day. Mrs Roberson actually talks to me and has a real discussion with me about things. And as long as I remember to do her work, she is very nice. She just get frusterated when someone doesn't do the work they are supposed to do. She is very leanlent, but doesn't exept late work, unless its a project. Which, makes sence in real life, you can't turn in "late" work at your job. Ya know. its just not the way life works out. Hummm... There is Sammie JO and Jessica. The only two that I actually consider quote, unquote ... FRIENDS, anymore. AND i hardly talk to them. I wish I would more - but I don't really get the chance to talk to them, They are in none of my classes and i don't know. I guess i just feel lonely and left out - when it comes to the friends i've had for years here at freeland. I'm going to be a senior next year and i have never felt more accomplished with my work then i do now, but i feel more lost then ever when it comes to friends and such. I don't know what i'm going to do.
However, i do know that this is getting really long and I need to be going. I have to go pick up some nachoes for dinner and make some rice and crap. SO, i'll talk to ya'll later.
XoXo Melissa XoXo
PS.. I am looking forward to being DECA president next year though, it will be AWESOME!!! YAY!!
PPS... I love Andrew Johnathan Thiel!