and so i'll keep on keeping on
I set down all the pain, to focus on the good, yet something sharp keeps poking my side, threatening to push through. I feel confused and hurt. How come those you care about hte most also seem to be the ones who hurt you the most. It wasn't always like this, these days wehre I want to scream out "WHY!" and just sit down and let the tears fall. But to lose self-control would be a huge mistake and so I swallow and choke back the tears, locking my feelings inside. I thinka bout how easy it would be to just refuse to deal with it, but then I think, no you can make it through, even though at times I honestly think I can't. At least I have my words. Without the ability to let out some of my anger on paper I think I would explode. Yet even tough I fill pages with my thoughts I still don't understand why I hurt so badly. Maybe because I care a lot about the people that are close to me and when they hurt me I beat myself up for it, like it was my fault, even when I know it wasn't. I just need to learn not to let it bother me but its SO HARD. Until I am able to move on more easily I'll use my pen and paper to help heal my heart. Sometime thats the only way I make it.