new apartment and loss of crush
so i have finally left home and getting all settled into my new apartment here in houston. i really love where i will be staying for the next year. even though it is costing an extra 200 dollars to live here per month than my other apartment, i dont care. as long as i am happy and focus on more important things than what other people in my complex are doing is the best thing for me right now.
leaving home is always bittersweet. i enjoy the months that i get to spend with the people that love me most but i know that i've grown apart from them in my own way. i feel like i've definitely grown up this summer. i've had my time to rethink, and revaluate how i want to play out until i am able to graduate from UH and what i will want to do after that.
this summer has made me realize that a lot of my friends from high school, even though we all parted ways, we are all experiencing the same things with uncertainty. it was nice to catch up and talk about where we are in our lives and find that we're all pretty much lost and so relieved to find that we still consider each other great friends even if we are in our own little worlds most of the school year.
i made two really good friends named, westly, and omar. each has gone through their own hardships and have made through with such poise that i respect them and would like to have each of their strength in order to get me through my mental chaos. westly has seen his parents abuse drugs, watch each die, and been independent all his adolescent/ young adult years. he ran through all of his hardships, not looking bac, and was able to get himself to the NCAA cross country championships to place 5th and go even further to 2008 olympic marathon trials in NYC. if this is not enough to convince he has strength to not fall like his parents and follow such a straight path, then i am a fool to call him a true runner.
omar, is also a runner, but he has endured sadness in watching his mother die of cancer. all through he hid his mother's illness in order to keep people's sympathetic look to themselves. he didn't want people to feel sorry for him or his mother. he's the oldest and has had to help his father care for his mother, and at the same time be almost a mother for his younger brother and sister whoare still in elementary school. he had to give up some running years in order to be there for his mother. His unselfishness is wonderous and powerful that makes me realize that maybe running isn't everything; that sometimes we have to give up a passion to hold onto we deeply love even longer.
did i fall in love this summer? sadly, no i didn't even so much as have a summer fling. infatuation?--yes, and to omar. I never told him though or probably never even hinted that i did like and hope that we were more than friends. because we were friends, i confided in not only westly, but omar as well that i did have an eating disorder before i developed feelings for omar. i wish i had not said anything, because there were times when it just reminded him of his mother. mab\ybe i confided too much in him and told him more than i should've. but during those times, i forgot that i had liked him and just spoke because he was a friend that i trusted very much.
anyways, to make a long story short, i found out today that he now has a girlfriend. how can so much change within in the 3-4 days that i was able to last speak to him and left home? i feel like a fool to have let myself tell so much to a person and to have become emotionally attached the way i did when there was no such promised to be recieved. there were times however, that i felt he did have feelings for me and did find me interesting, despite my eating disorder, but i think my disorder was a big red flag for him that he hid his true emotions. (FUCK!)
ill still be his friend, but hopefully he does wonder about me and stays in contact with me. i would hate to lose even a friend because i am sick.
leaving home is always bittersweet. i enjoy the months that i get to spend with the people that love me most but i know that i've grown apart from them in my own way. i feel like i've definitely grown up this summer. i've had my time to rethink, and revaluate how i want to play out until i am able to graduate from UH and what i will want to do after that.
this summer has made me realize that a lot of my friends from high school, even though we all parted ways, we are all experiencing the same things with uncertainty. it was nice to catch up and talk about where we are in our lives and find that we're all pretty much lost and so relieved to find that we still consider each other great friends even if we are in our own little worlds most of the school year.
i made two really good friends named, westly, and omar. each has gone through their own hardships and have made through with such poise that i respect them and would like to have each of their strength in order to get me through my mental chaos. westly has seen his parents abuse drugs, watch each die, and been independent all his adolescent/ young adult years. he ran through all of his hardships, not looking bac, and was able to get himself to the NCAA cross country championships to place 5th and go even further to 2008 olympic marathon trials in NYC. if this is not enough to convince he has strength to not fall like his parents and follow such a straight path, then i am a fool to call him a true runner.
omar, is also a runner, but he has endured sadness in watching his mother die of cancer. all through he hid his mother's illness in order to keep people's sympathetic look to themselves. he didn't want people to feel sorry for him or his mother. he's the oldest and has had to help his father care for his mother, and at the same time be almost a mother for his younger brother and sister whoare still in elementary school. he had to give up some running years in order to be there for his mother. His unselfishness is wonderous and powerful that makes me realize that maybe running isn't everything; that sometimes we have to give up a passion to hold onto we deeply love even longer.
did i fall in love this summer? sadly, no i didn't even so much as have a summer fling. infatuation?--yes, and to omar. I never told him though or probably never even hinted that i did like and hope that we were more than friends. because we were friends, i confided in not only westly, but omar as well that i did have an eating disorder before i developed feelings for omar. i wish i had not said anything, because there were times when it just reminded him of his mother. mab\ybe i confided too much in him and told him more than i should've. but during those times, i forgot that i had liked him and just spoke because he was a friend that i trusted very much.
anyways, to make a long story short, i found out today that he now has a girlfriend. how can so much change within in the 3-4 days that i was able to last speak to him and left home? i feel like a fool to have let myself tell so much to a person and to have become emotionally attached the way i did when there was no such promised to be recieved. there were times however, that i felt he did have feelings for me and did find me interesting, despite my eating disorder, but i think my disorder was a big red flag for him that he hid his true emotions. (FUCK!)
ill still be his friend, but hopefully he does wonder about me and stays in contact with me. i would hate to lose even a friend because i am sick.