nutrition counseling class
so today in my class for nutrition counseling (this is an actual class for my major)
a patient of my professor came in to talk about her battle and recovery process of anorexia nervosa.
i dont know how to describe how i felt about everythin she talked about during the class. half of the time i was preoccupied with trying not to walk out of the room or keeping myself from not freaking out and bursting into tears.
everything she said about not caring, being so consumed with eating, even down to being figuratively numb to everything else.
just to skip the details, i did stay, but only because I genuinely like her, even though i only knew her for an hour. she is like me in many ways. her illness and recovery, however, is different from mine.
she got so bad to where she was in the upper 80s (pounds). mind you, she is like 5'6. being that height and that skinny is logically not healthy.
In this way i am very lucky to not have gotten any worse than what i was. If had been allowed to i probably would have gotten smaller & been able to get away with it easily because of my height.
it's extremely hard to allow yourself to do something so simple like eat, but this illness takes over. part of you wants to get better, but actually doing it means letting go of what "progress" you've made.
even now, even if it seems like im doing better, and understand that what ive done or am doing is not the best thing for me, i dont care...just as long as i am thin.
to me everything feels and is better this way. im afraid to feel and know the other way of life...
people say that you will never be 100% okay with food. & i understand that part, because even though i long to forget..i know deep down inside that this part of my life can't be erased & i will always deal with my anorexia in some small way everytime my body needs food.
a patient of my professor came in to talk about her battle and recovery process of anorexia nervosa.
i dont know how to describe how i felt about everythin she talked about during the class. half of the time i was preoccupied with trying not to walk out of the room or keeping myself from not freaking out and bursting into tears.
everything she said about not caring, being so consumed with eating, even down to being figuratively numb to everything else.
just to skip the details, i did stay, but only because I genuinely like her, even though i only knew her for an hour. she is like me in many ways. her illness and recovery, however, is different from mine.
she got so bad to where she was in the upper 80s (pounds). mind you, she is like 5'6. being that height and that skinny is logically not healthy.
In this way i am very lucky to not have gotten any worse than what i was. If had been allowed to i probably would have gotten smaller & been able to get away with it easily because of my height.
it's extremely hard to allow yourself to do something so simple like eat, but this illness takes over. part of you wants to get better, but actually doing it means letting go of what "progress" you've made.
even now, even if it seems like im doing better, and understand that what ive done or am doing is not the best thing for me, i dont care...just as long as i am thin.
to me everything feels and is better this way. im afraid to feel and know the other way of life...
people say that you will never be 100% okay with food. & i understand that part, because even though i long to forget..i know deep down inside that this part of my life can't be erased & i will always deal with my anorexia in some small way everytime my body needs food.