(no subject)
so i've gained weight.
this is something i should be happy about right?
i cant say that i really am, because i became so used to being my "other" size
BUT i know that it is a step in the right direction.
since my really bad meet at LSU i've gained 5 pounds. it doesnt seem like much, but it feels like a lot.
im doing a little better in workouts and feel alright, but hopefully my time this weekend will give me more confidence about all the changes that i am going through righ now
whether i like these changes or now i know that i have to continue to try so that I can be where i was last year (96-98 lbs.
coach an i had a big talk last tuesday, because of what i'd done that morning after a hard workout.
now normally after hard workouts you are supposed to replenish your body of all the nutrients and energy your body loses within an hour of hte work, so he decided to give us all muscle milk. (fyi muscle milk has vitamin/nutrients/FAT/protien/calories).
Right then and there i felt like everything was caving in on me, and couldnt handle drinking it, not that it tastes bad or anything, but i just couldnt for fear of actually gaining more weight. I took a sip and cried out "i dont wanna be fat!" and burst into tears, while throwing it away...
well to get down to the nitty gritty, i have to meet and speak with a counselor about what i am going thorugh. Of course i'm not all that thrilled about it, but ihave to or coach has promised that he will not allow me to at least finish off the season, AND i have to gain the weight that i lost back or i cannot run next semester..if i choose to continue at this weight i cant even be on the team anymore...oh and it gets worse...he wont even release me so that i can run at another school..
if this is rock bottom, i dont know what else is.
it was rouch last week for me.
i dont expect pity or comforting glances, because i wanted to be stick thin, but just think of yourself having to gain about 10 pounds..would u like it?
all i wanted was to be healthy and practice good habits so that when i stop running it wont be hard to be normal anymore..i wanted to eat right to get better at running and improve my time. right now i dont even know if i'll have a faster conference time that last year...it sucks to think that Freshmen Starla would be kicking my butt right now...
How do get better?how do i rid myself of this worry/anxiety? how do climb back up to the top?
this is something i should be happy about right?
i cant say that i really am, because i became so used to being my "other" size
BUT i know that it is a step in the right direction.
since my really bad meet at LSU i've gained 5 pounds. it doesnt seem like much, but it feels like a lot.
im doing a little better in workouts and feel alright, but hopefully my time this weekend will give me more confidence about all the changes that i am going through righ now
whether i like these changes or now i know that i have to continue to try so that I can be where i was last year (96-98 lbs.
coach an i had a big talk last tuesday, because of what i'd done that morning after a hard workout.
now normally after hard workouts you are supposed to replenish your body of all the nutrients and energy your body loses within an hour of hte work, so he decided to give us all muscle milk. (fyi muscle milk has vitamin/nutrients/FAT/protien/calories).
Right then and there i felt like everything was caving in on me, and couldnt handle drinking it, not that it tastes bad or anything, but i just couldnt for fear of actually gaining more weight. I took a sip and cried out "i dont wanna be fat!" and burst into tears, while throwing it away...
well to get down to the nitty gritty, i have to meet and speak with a counselor about what i am going thorugh. Of course i'm not all that thrilled about it, but ihave to or coach has promised that he will not allow me to at least finish off the season, AND i have to gain the weight that i lost back or i cannot run next semester..if i choose to continue at this weight i cant even be on the team anymore...oh and it gets worse...he wont even release me so that i can run at another school..
if this is rock bottom, i dont know what else is.
it was rouch last week for me.
i dont expect pity or comforting glances, because i wanted to be stick thin, but just think of yourself having to gain about 10 pounds..would u like it?
all i wanted was to be healthy and practice good habits so that when i stop running it wont be hard to be normal anymore..i wanted to eat right to get better at running and improve my time. right now i dont even know if i'll have a faster conference time that last year...it sucks to think that Freshmen Starla would be kicking my butt right now...
How do get better?how do i rid myself of this worry/anxiety? how do climb back up to the top?