(no subject)
Hmm another post, this ones purely to vent so you can skip over it. Massey frustrated me to absolutly no end today. First in band We played all peices that I had pretty well prepared, and I was well prepared. marked parts, mirror on stand to check embechure or however the hell you spell it, tuner to check my long notes, I was set. Anyway, Mr massey doles out this speech about how crappy we were friday, and he was right and I wasn't upset with him for that at all, I mean, that's the truth isn't it? But anyway, we start playing And I'm listening as hard as I can and really concentrating on my tone and Wasnt I pleased when I realised that i was sounding really good? The notes were all correct and the rhythems were good, I dont tend to bury myself in the music, so I was doing great in the rubato sections as well, but overall I was really happy with my tone. SO what happens? of course mr massey goes on a tangent about tone, and how unbelievably young of a sound the players who had just played, maybe about 18 kids at that point, were getting. So I'm a little peeved but I'm like whutever, i'll try harder. nope. whole rehersal he keeps talking about tone and sound, and of course the horns arent loud enough, because theres only five of us and the fuckup who designed the horn put the bell on bacwards. so i'm playing like 8 f's when its marked four and I'm working so hard kenzie despcribed the vein she saw throbbing in my throat during the rehersal, and she's back in the percussion. don't you think massey could have spotted it a 3 feet away? but of course he doesnt aknowledge it during or after the rehersal, he just makes comments about people not working hard enough. Perhaps i'm not working efficently enough, or in a way that will produce the best results, but hmm if my veins are throbbing, I think I'm working pretty hard. So then he just has to say a line to further aggravate me, he asks "does anyone think they're working as hard as I am" well I'm light headed and short of breath but no, I'm not going to raise my hand, because he should of just asked "who wants me to think they're a narcissitic asshole?" because that's what he meant. any way jazz roles around and what is trumpet other then a physical manifestation of agrivation. 10 minutes into rehersal masseyswitches my trumpet for his, I play it, and imediatly he has us go over a measure slowly and informs me I'm playing all wrong fingerings. Loooooook again please, I belive i'm playing everything correctly. Could it have something to do with the fact that I'm using a trumpet that has seen 4-5 months of neglect? and that was it, it needed oil, so I oil it, the keys stop sticking. not a big deal. Rest of the rehersal he keeps looking at me and shooting me odd looks, As though he can't figure out why I don't sound like bella fleck, or marseillus or ellington. Hmm, maybe because I can't play trumpet, and you've known that since my audition. Errrrg. so, as thankful and appreciative I am over this wonderful new instrument, all it did was make me feel like he expects that much more of something I can't deliver. Finally I'm pissed because I'm leading kids who except for julia have a half year-years more experience then I do, And I found out that heather is almost positive she's quitting at the end of this year, and the two french horns at the middle school arent coming up. Are you kidding me? that means four horns next year when he wants eight. AKA no matter how much I improve this year, It isnt going to mean anything next year. And anyway, why the hell would I want to improve that much anyway? I dont want to be a preformer, and If i ever did, it certainly would not be on french horn or trumpet. I love the music we play in band, but not the instruments I use to express it. Blechhhhhhh. I'm considering quitting, Or throwing my french horn out the second floor window of our school.