(no subject)
I too am having a "meditative day" I am really trying to focus myself on certain things. That is, things I am curently doing, like training. I still feel weak and tired all the time but I am consciously maintaining a positive attitude. In my life's experience with my emotions effects on my body has been dwelling in sadness builds nothing. When your mind is closed to possibly changing who you think you are at any given time in your life then you begin to die before your body gives out. I want to believe that always being open, flowing, and willing to change how you present yourself to the world. We should remain flexible not only in body but in mind and soul as well. I have been and sometimes still am locked in to how I think CODY should appear to the world. From the time that i was 13 and until about a year and a half ago I was stuck. I didn't know how I should present myself to the world. I felt as if I was lying whenever I spoke, trying to make THEM think I'm something I don't think I am. As a result, for many years I set myself into a "nothing" persona. I pretended to care about nothing and acted in such away not to offend any one around me. I had convinced myself that i was nothing. I tried to reflect what people saw when they looked at me. Or so I had thought, what I have come to realize now is that most people(in my experience)seem to doubt themselves. They exhibit behaviours that reveal their uncertainties about who they really are at that time in their lives. Why are we uncertain? I think its because our first opinions about who we are come from outside of ourselves. My first opinion came from a family full of bitterness and regret. I was raised by people who question their own worth and despair at their "lot" in life. It is never really to late to change who you are or the direction your life is headed. Its ok to question but their is a difference in my mind between question and doubt. Doubting ulitimately stems from fear, possibly fear of change. What I've come to realized in my subjective experience that others opinions of who you are and what you should be doing with your life do not matter. All that I try to focus on is amking sure that I carry no shame for my actions or regret my actions. I have learned that if I want the world to believe in me I first needed to look into the mirror and say "They are wrong about you." (I still think drugs are beneficial to society.