I.... don't want to grow up
The future is scary...
I sit here and I'm thinking about all that's ahead of me, and I don't want to face it. I want it all to go away, I just want it to stop.
The endless hurling forward into the unknown... it frightens me to no end. I realize this is why I've never liked going forward in life, why I'm content to just stay where I am. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in my own little world.
I've been through a lot in the sense of what matters to me.
I've made friends, I've lost touch with friends. Everyone's moving on in their life and I'm just sorta staying where I am. Even though I'm trying to fix it, I don't want to.
Fuck it all, to hell with it.
I'm tired of the world, and I'm tired of having to accelerate instead of slow down. I have the ablity and drive to complete my college degree and work for my life, to make something out of it...
but I just don't want to. It scares me, where will I be in 10 years? Where will eveyrone I care about be in 10 years, where will everything I used to follow, anime, video games, manga, TV... where will it all be in 10 years?
I don't know, and that scares me. I suppose my indecisiveness has allways been a downfall, but I understand that I'm afraid of what might happen... of what the unknown is.
I really wish I could just say how my life will go from here. I don't have the slightest clue.
Growing up sucks... now I know why everyone over the age of 20 says they wish they could go back to high school... go back to college...
Why they wish they could go back, because life is so much simplier before you realize what's actually out there... and that is to say there isn't anything. Life is just one big struggle, then you die.
But the people, the experiences... they all make the world a better place. To live your life the way you want, even if you have to work for it... that's what I need to strive for.
Nostalgia... the term hits me like a brick wall sometimes. I've seen a lot... and I don't want it to become a nostalgic feeling... something that I used to love, something I havn't thought about...
There are people I really care about, people who have helped me more than they'll ever know in my life that I don't even talk to anymore.
So I guess to those people..
Ed, you helped me sort out a lot of myself. To dig through the being that is me and fix a lot of problems. You also taught me that there's more to life than what you think.
You were the major inspiration to me going to college, I saw that you can do it and thought "Hey why can't I?"
Gus: You have to have been the biggest help I've hever had. When I was down and out living in places I didn't know I'd be in. You help me, you gave me the money I needed to sort out things, even if I did waste some of it. I know it's been a gigantic pain in the ass for you seeing what I've become since then, but out of the ashes I might rise again. Thanks for all the help man, you gave me the kick in the ass I needed.
There are countless others that have helped me through stuff, I'd name you all but there's too many. You know who you are.
Thanks to everyone who's helped me face my fear of the future.
-Codi
I sit here and I'm thinking about all that's ahead of me, and I don't want to face it. I want it all to go away, I just want it to stop.
The endless hurling forward into the unknown... it frightens me to no end. I realize this is why I've never liked going forward in life, why I'm content to just stay where I am. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in my own little world.
I've been through a lot in the sense of what matters to me.
I've made friends, I've lost touch with friends. Everyone's moving on in their life and I'm just sorta staying where I am. Even though I'm trying to fix it, I don't want to.
Fuck it all, to hell with it.
I'm tired of the world, and I'm tired of having to accelerate instead of slow down. I have the ablity and drive to complete my college degree and work for my life, to make something out of it...
but I just don't want to. It scares me, where will I be in 10 years? Where will eveyrone I care about be in 10 years, where will everything I used to follow, anime, video games, manga, TV... where will it all be in 10 years?
I don't know, and that scares me. I suppose my indecisiveness has allways been a downfall, but I understand that I'm afraid of what might happen... of what the unknown is.
I really wish I could just say how my life will go from here. I don't have the slightest clue.
Growing up sucks... now I know why everyone over the age of 20 says they wish they could go back to high school... go back to college...
Why they wish they could go back, because life is so much simplier before you realize what's actually out there... and that is to say there isn't anything. Life is just one big struggle, then you die.
But the people, the experiences... they all make the world a better place. To live your life the way you want, even if you have to work for it... that's what I need to strive for.
Nostalgia... the term hits me like a brick wall sometimes. I've seen a lot... and I don't want it to become a nostalgic feeling... something that I used to love, something I havn't thought about...
There are people I really care about, people who have helped me more than they'll ever know in my life that I don't even talk to anymore.
So I guess to those people..
Ed, you helped me sort out a lot of myself. To dig through the being that is me and fix a lot of problems. You also taught me that there's more to life than what you think.
You were the major inspiration to me going to college, I saw that you can do it and thought "Hey why can't I?"
Gus: You have to have been the biggest help I've hever had. When I was down and out living in places I didn't know I'd be in. You help me, you gave me the money I needed to sort out things, even if I did waste some of it. I know it's been a gigantic pain in the ass for you seeing what I've become since then, but out of the ashes I might rise again. Thanks for all the help man, you gave me the kick in the ass I needed.
There are countless others that have helped me through stuff, I'd name you all but there's too many. You know who you are.
Thanks to everyone who's helped me face my fear of the future.
-Codi