update update
Dad is home. But it's really not good news. They found out his arteries are almost entirely blocked, so they can't do a angioplasty balloon/splint. The reason he's still alive is that his arteries have grown their own new branches to get around the blockage. A natural "bypass". Because of this, they can't do a surgical bypass or anything. So they sent him home with extra meds and strict advice about his lifestyle choices.
So he's going to walk 30min a day, eat less red meat, and quit both caffeine AND smoking. He told me he's smoked for 40 years solid without ever even trying to quit. He's on his 3rd day now.
I hope he got scared enough to stick to his rules, because there really is no other option for him. His clock is ticking.
I spoke to my brother on the phone. He's married. I barely remember his step-child's name. I've never spoken to his new wife. It's all so odd. I don't know how to feel about any of it, except to smile and say to him "Good, I'm glad it went well." I keep thinking of going back in time and telling a 15 year old version of myself that one day my younger brother would join the military and move to Alaska and marry someone I didn't even know. It sounds like a badly written story, and I wouldn't believe it. It's just sad that he ran so far away from us.
I guess I'm still in kind of a numb state about my dad and my brother. I'm not overly emotional about either of them, either way. They just...are.
I had no idea that I'd created such a rift with the friends that I have that ended up at MiceChat. I'm glad I've been alerted to that and was able to make amends. I'm going into part-time lurker mode there, in an attempt to make myself feel better about everything. I realized that I was missing those people so much, but the nature of the site just doesn't jibe well with me, causing me to lash out in frustration. Obviously I still don't want to get super involved but I can at least visit friends there, and not be malicious, for God's sake!
I've decided to bring an anonymous-looking notebook into work and write in it as my distraction at the desk. Better than doing all the other banned things I suppose. I just might write something good, too. It'll be weird reverting back to hand-written stuff.
Sigh. I'm not stressed, just down. Or rather, my stress is manifesting as a downward pull on me. Not anxious, defeated. Not tense, deflated.
I'm hoping that a nice weekend with Greg's family will make me feel better.
So he's going to walk 30min a day, eat less red meat, and quit both caffeine AND smoking. He told me he's smoked for 40 years solid without ever even trying to quit. He's on his 3rd day now.
I hope he got scared enough to stick to his rules, because there really is no other option for him. His clock is ticking.
I spoke to my brother on the phone. He's married. I barely remember his step-child's name. I've never spoken to his new wife. It's all so odd. I don't know how to feel about any of it, except to smile and say to him "Good, I'm glad it went well." I keep thinking of going back in time and telling a 15 year old version of myself that one day my younger brother would join the military and move to Alaska and marry someone I didn't even know. It sounds like a badly written story, and I wouldn't believe it. It's just sad that he ran so far away from us.
I guess I'm still in kind of a numb state about my dad and my brother. I'm not overly emotional about either of them, either way. They just...are.
I had no idea that I'd created such a rift with the friends that I have that ended up at MiceChat. I'm glad I've been alerted to that and was able to make amends. I'm going into part-time lurker mode there, in an attempt to make myself feel better about everything. I realized that I was missing those people so much, but the nature of the site just doesn't jibe well with me, causing me to lash out in frustration. Obviously I still don't want to get super involved but I can at least visit friends there, and not be malicious, for God's sake!
I've decided to bring an anonymous-looking notebook into work and write in it as my distraction at the desk. Better than doing all the other banned things I suppose. I just might write something good, too. It'll be weird reverting back to hand-written stuff.
Sigh. I'm not stressed, just down. Or rather, my stress is manifesting as a downward pull on me. Not anxious, defeated. Not tense, deflated.
I'm hoping that a nice weekend with Greg's family will make me feel better.