"If you blame it on the rain, tell me what can begin?"
Today, for the first time in a long while, I cried during therapy. It was quite unexpected and unlike the cleansing effect that crying usually has, it left me feeling crappy and down for the whole day so far
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And I don't get it. I don't know why it's so important to keep a crispy clean public image. I do understand if they don't want the general public to look at their family in a different light, but then, after reading some of your backstories (and I'm sure I haven't read even most of it), and knowing my own history, as well as many of my other friends' or other "anonymous" people I've read about on the internet... It's probably safe to assume that the number of people with similar issues is so large that it's hardly proper to be calling it "not normal". Because the definition of "normal" (or, well, at least my definition of "normal") is when the majority conforms to something, and anything that deviates from it is "not normal". But when so many people have similar issues, it's hardly "not normal", but we probably don't typically hear about it because most people decide to keep it locked away as a dark dirty secret that no one should ever speak of.
And no, I don't think it's pathetic for you to have mom & dad issues at your age. My mother, at her age, is still having a few issues with her mother, except that the ocean parts them so they don't have much chance to be having direct issues. But yeah, point being... The fact that you're openly admitting these issues, despite how your parents treat them, is already eliminating the possibility of you being pathetic. At least to me. =) I understand how hard it is to admit it... And I have so many of mine that I haven't admitted publicly yet, and am way too discouraged to do so. So I really do admire you for being able to do this.
You're really strong, dear. *hug* When I had my issues, I didn't have any support from anyone whatsoever, either. And I was a wreck. And gaming was my escape. ^^; My, was I addicted to gaming, lol.
(PS. Sorry for the long ramble again x__X;; )
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For each culture their own reasons, I guess? ^_^;; Lucky us~
See, the Finnish culture is not nurturing, per say. There is high appreciation for bearing things on your own, so for me to be unable to do that and actually seek help? I think it is seen somewhat as a failure on my part.
Part of the reasons I originally started writing a public online journal was that I wanted to let other people, who might be sharing something similar, to know they are not only ones and not alone. Personally I don't much care for "normal", whatever it may be, but I want to do my share in voicing out that there are people who aren't really that squeaky clean image we're all supposed to aim to be or pretend to be. I've had issues, yes. I still have issues. But I am working on them and I want to believe that because of the time and effort I need to spend in twisting and turning my thoughts and reactions, I am learning to be more aware of myself and other people. There shouldn't be shame in this and I want to fight the cultural and social pressure to succumb to the feelings of shame.
I do hope you'll find it in you to face the issues you have with your parents. <3 It doesn't have to be in public, but I am a firm believer that involving at least someone in the form of confiding in them is the best way to help yourself move on from the issues. We may never be able to be completely free of them, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to let go of it.
Oh, and never apologize for "long ramble" to me. I like hearing people's thoughts and long comments are honestly very appreciated. ^_~
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