sometimes id rather be numb

[codename_tophat]

today was just another day at work...i stayed up all night dong nothing just to get up at eight and do it all over again...i wish i didnt have these stupid times where i just sit and think..i dont want to think i want my brain off...it makes me sad...and i dont like it...i wish i didnt feel this all the time..no matter what you know it just wont go away...i wish feeling were mutual but it never is..ive been through this before but not this bad ever...but yea so work was boring but it went by rather quickly...im excited actually because there a few great shows in which i will go to..the first being hot hot heat and louis XIV on the 16th....catch 22, spitafield and dont look down on the 27th and then underoath, the chariot, hopesfalls on the 28th..i hope i have enough to go to all of them..i need it..music is the only thing that makes me happy sometimes..im sure some of you can relate..i jsut reinterate the need that i just wish i could make the feelings stop so others wouldnt have to worry about it..its better that way..but they wont i know this....and i guess im stuck just not giving up on anything until i get told to go away and not to see the person but hey at least that will give me closure and some resolution and a definite outcome of things would be nice..id rather it good and to refind this love but bad is just as well right now....bright eyes said it best "love is just an excuse to hurt"..the sad truth is if thats true id want to hurt all the time at least i would have a chance at love ...well i have work tomorrow i must go and stop rambling on...so long and goodnight

love
derrick