i like it when it hurts
so last night was the epitaph tour...fun right?well on the way there we get a flat and get towed where we have to change the tire on martys car and yes so we get there.... the bands were great and everything.I didnt know the matches were so damn good live and first to last was awesome. The last two bands were great too i just had my mind in other places. Recently me and steph got back together after talking about it alot she said she wanted to be with me again. Which made me happy. Things were ok again i would see her and she would give me attention and everything and i find out shes going to the show last night so i go I get marty to come with me because its his birthday and well on the way there he tells me some nice things steph said about me after we broke up.like "god i wish derrick would just get over me but i just know he never will"... but i let that go and still thoughtd it be nice to see her maybe spend a little bit of time with her...so i see the mathches and i havent found her yet but i meet these girls so me and marty are talking to them...but i get bored so i walk around only to see steph..so i say hi to my gf and you know usually you get a hug or something without having to ask for it...but she was standoffish and gave me one of those "i really dont want a hug from you" sorta things and i asked her if we were ok and i get a resounding im not sure...which is nice because the night before she told me she still doesnt know if she should of said yes to me....i dont knock the way she feels and its ok but i cant be with someone who doesnt want me...im pathetic i was for her..i love her but still so i decided to go up to her and whisper a few choice words "i love you steph, im sorry i cant be with someone who doesnt want to be with me, goodbye and hey its ok you win im over you" yup and oh it hurt to say that and its not true i mean im not over her i love her i cant be but its the best at least for now...if she doubts it it will never work...it like doing something and then saying im not sure if can do it...if you dont have confidence in the things you do they will turn out bad.....so yes i watch motion city soundtrack which kicked ass so very much...and they made me feel better until matchbook romance...you win again sad love songs..i had leave i say bye to friends and then i walk outside to wait for marty...and it starts raining so i sit there at the bottom of the steps with rain coming down...and really i liked it...the rain was nice soft but it soon stopped...marty came so we left...the way home my mind wandered badly i wish i could turn it off...so im at the point where i will not try again....if the girl that loves me truely wants to be with me she will try for it...and if its not worth it then i guess ill hurt for a while but then itll be ok...i just hope you get through what your dealing with..i know it sucks...but just try to be happy with things.ok well i must go to work again so until next time so long and goodnight.
<3
derrick
<3
derrick