(no subject)
Tell me, when did i become the outsider? What horrible deed did i commit to have become such a bother? I mean seriously...i had no problems, with no one, then suddenly it's all gone. Quite literally. I mean shit, the only reason i ever had ANY problems with amanda was when she hurt Jon. I mean, i did at one point refer to him as my bestfriend and as far as i know entitles me to have a problem with someone who was always hurting him, right? I mean, hell, I sent Jon an email asking him how his trip was, if he was having fun, telling him how things were here...you know, how the band was going, how me and katie are...things of that sort. And like a week later jon announces that i am no longer his friend...what the hell? I mean, fine, so be it. But please explain it to me...amanda, kelly, jon...anybody, please explain it to me. I mean, i know i live in a trailor and i don't have money and my dreams for life are very out there, but come on! At least i have dreams, at least i am attempting to do something i love for a living. How is that going against your morale, or is up to par with "in the right direction" standards. Seriously, call me a whiney ass...but i try really fucking hard to be a nice, friendly, likeable guy. Where did i go wrong. I mean, seriously...tell me, what did i do??? I posted my problems on livejournal?? what!?! Everyone fucking does that...I talk about how my life isn't so good? so what!?! Bre does that, amanda does that...what the fuck have i done? I seriously feel like i have to call sides or something, like i've been fucking casted off, like i am just no longer needed or wanted so you just said goodbye. Kelly, what problem do you have with me? Just tell me, give me everything you have. Same with you amanda, Same with you jon...infact, anyone, josh(es), amber...fucking anyone. I'm sick of feeling prosecuted for shit that i honestly had nothing to do with...if you had a problem with kate, or candice or bailey or something, take it up with them. I had NO, NO fuching problem with any of you...like i said, i had a mild problem with amanda for hurting jon, and that's it. Fucking christ, i feel so fucking used. Tell me jon, when did i join the ranks of sean and chad? Tell me that...what the fuck you guys. Enlighten me, please. Don't give me any karate kid bullshit jon, no "higher path" shit...tell me, give me the fucking truth. I mean, god damn it...ok, i'm going to stop now...but to kelly, amanda and jon...my number is 553-0109 and my screen name is kaboom333 FUCKING TALK TO ME! tell me what the fuck is going on...i just wish i could put all this shit behind us...i'm not sure if you ever did jon, but i valued our friendship, if you feel like tearing it apart, at least give me a good fucking reason...Shit, i lose my grandmother, jon, kelly, amanda, amber, nichole and candice all for different reasons in one, swift swoop...i can't take this...