Help me, I'm stuck in the past.
Today I glanced over about 4 months worth of old livejournal entries. Watching the progression and downfall, and recurrent downfall is pretty upsetting. I kept telling myself last night to stay alive so I could have everyone over for my b-day.
I am trying to get better though. It's just really hard. I promised my mom last night I'd call to get my prescription refilled and I'd call around to find a therapist.
I keep trying to clean my apt. For like the last few days now, and everytime I end up sleeping for hours and not getting anything accomplished.
I tried to escape from my unhappiness last night by smoking out. It was a strange experience. I couldn't fall asleep and every now and again I'd wake myself up because I'd suddenly jerk. Normally sleeping isn't a problem. And thoughts of all kinds were swishing around in my head like a tub of muddy water. I'm kinda wondering if it's laced or if it's just me.
Reading my old livejournals, I've realized I'm a very negative person. It's kind of a side effect with depression. But my negativity has caused me a lot of problems and made a lot of people not like me. I'm going to try to change.
I am trying to get better though. It's just really hard. I promised my mom last night I'd call to get my prescription refilled and I'd call around to find a therapist.
I keep trying to clean my apt. For like the last few days now, and everytime I end up sleeping for hours and not getting anything accomplished.
I tried to escape from my unhappiness last night by smoking out. It was a strange experience. I couldn't fall asleep and every now and again I'd wake myself up because I'd suddenly jerk. Normally sleeping isn't a problem. And thoughts of all kinds were swishing around in my head like a tub of muddy water. I'm kinda wondering if it's laced or if it's just me.
Reading my old livejournals, I've realized I'm a very negative person. It's kind of a side effect with depression. But my negativity has caused me a lot of problems and made a lot of people not like me. I'm going to try to change.