That's the way life goes...

[coconilla]

I talked to somwone today that really made me look back into the past, and got me to really sit down and think. I don't know -what is worth it anymore. All the pain just never seems to go away, internally damaged, and feeling like there's no where to turn. Depression covered by laughter... who will ever know? I promise to smile even when things arn't okay. I will smile to make yu feel better- to make yu feel like everything is fine. Yu tell me yu hate when I'm like this... This is why I always cover it up. Yu don't know how I really feel...yu really don't have a clue.. The way yu make me feel... so insecure, it tears me apart..like I'm never good enough. Why is this.. are yu confused? If I'm not what yu want, why do yu keep me here? Do yu like when I cry? Do yu like me to feel all of this? I just don't understand yu, and if I still don't after this long, I guess I never will.

I'm in computer class right now... I miss writing in here. I really don't care who read it anymore... it makes me feel better. I just have to vent! -LoL- Anyways, Ryan came home last night. He didn't come see me though =/ I have doen so much thinking lately. I like what I have come to realize =) It made me a much stronger person. Alot of things have been going on.. so much, that I can't even begin to type everything. I only have a few minutes left in class.. All I can say is that in a way, I am unhappy with my life right now.. but on the other side, I am very happy with it. I guess I will never be fully happy.. yah know.. Oh well.. It's almost Christmas, and I am much excited. I seriously love it.. Nothing is bad enough, adn unbarable during this time. I seriously love it.. I wish it would snow though =/ grrr! pwee!
Lauren, I'm eeeeeeeeee. Like whoa! -haha- This Christmas is gonna be a good one. I have a feeling. I just wish.....

xo.
Tell me what I gotta do...
to get to yu!