Wasting Time...
I hate having to wait around for something when it feels like you’ve been waiting forever for “it” to finally get here. I can’t seem to focus on things and I can’t seem to get a hold of things, tangible things. I have these thoughts in my head but I can’t put anything to them. I feel like a fool, but there hasn’t been enough time from the beginning to now for me to feel like a fool; nothing has happened.
This isn’t a pity part- this isn’t a party period, I don’t want your pity either. I just feel like I can be so easily discarded, forgotten. Is that what it’s like when you’re fake? Am I a fake person? Do I really have any substance to me at all? I told Kate that I’m just one of those humans that people talk to for a few minutes and then decide that I’m too boring to talk to anymore. That I’m boring, or…bland, dull, unexciting, lackluster, monotonous, repetitive and dry. There are those few I guess that think I’m a good person to talk to, but they are few and far in between.
Well, all you really need is just a few good friends right? I just wish that my few good friends weren’t thousands of miles from me- or always busy (not that they can help it) doing some sport or homework- or hanging out with their boyfriends. That’s bugging me right now too. Why is it that I can’t get a boy to like me enough to get him to pursue a relationship? I’m beginning to think I’m too pushy? Or maybe it’s that whole, “you’re boring, dull and tedious” thing all over again. Like poor Jeff. I don’t know what it is or what’s going on, but I just feel like the attraction isn’t reciprocated.
I’m just going to give up. I’m so good at that anyway. I wont be mad, I wont be sad, I’ll just have to be resigned to the whole thing. Boo…
This isn’t a pity part- this isn’t a party period, I don’t want your pity either. I just feel like I can be so easily discarded, forgotten. Is that what it’s like when you’re fake? Am I a fake person? Do I really have any substance to me at all? I told Kate that I’m just one of those humans that people talk to for a few minutes and then decide that I’m too boring to talk to anymore. That I’m boring, or…bland, dull, unexciting, lackluster, monotonous, repetitive and dry. There are those few I guess that think I’m a good person to talk to, but they are few and far in between.
Well, all you really need is just a few good friends right? I just wish that my few good friends weren’t thousands of miles from me- or always busy (not that they can help it) doing some sport or homework- or hanging out with their boyfriends. That’s bugging me right now too. Why is it that I can’t get a boy to like me enough to get him to pursue a relationship? I’m beginning to think I’m too pushy? Or maybe it’s that whole, “you’re boring, dull and tedious” thing all over again. Like poor Jeff. I don’t know what it is or what’s going on, but I just feel like the attraction isn’t reciprocated.
I’m just going to give up. I’m so good at that anyway. I wont be mad, I wont be sad, I’ll just have to be resigned to the whole thing. Boo…