My "Christmas Spirit" Is Slowly Being Detrinated . .
I HATE being back in this town, which actually really breaks my heart considering what I'm being faced with this "joyeous, wonderful" season, however it's difficult for me to spend my time with people who tell me to go home every bloody day and night, with absolutely NO fucking appreciation for all the cleaning, buying gifts, getting the rest of the family together for this waste of a day.
I remember the last time I was negative about Christmas. It was when my nan died, FROM THE SAME FUCKING DISEASE THAT'S AFFECTING ALL THOSE IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW.
My point is, I don't want to be here, where I am disrespected by my selfish, "perfect-more-beautiful-than-me" sister, who reminds me everyday of what a "failure" I am, my brother who just doesn't give a shit about anything anymore, and my rents .. It doesn't matter. I love my mother, and I've already got enough guilt etched into my back about my past relationship with her, but she ALWAYS has to trigger more of those feelings, more of me basically feeling sorry for myself, when I SHOULDN'T.
She wants to challenge me, to push me to my limit, but there are only two things in the way of that; love, and tears I've managed to lock away for 48 hours.
*takes a deep breath of patience for today*
I remember the last time I was negative about Christmas. It was when my nan died, FROM THE SAME FUCKING DISEASE THAT'S AFFECTING ALL THOSE IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW.
My point is, I don't want to be here, where I am disrespected by my selfish, "perfect-more-beautiful-than-me" sister, who reminds me everyday of what a "failure" I am, my brother who just doesn't give a shit about anything anymore, and my rents .. It doesn't matter. I love my mother, and I've already got enough guilt etched into my back about my past relationship with her, but she ALWAYS has to trigger more of those feelings, more of me basically feeling sorry for myself, when I SHOULDN'T.
She wants to challenge me, to push me to my limit, but there are only two things in the way of that; love, and tears I've managed to lock away for 48 hours.
*takes a deep breath of patience for today*