May 25, 2005 14:43
I can not focus on anythin right now everything is completely FUCKED. .NOBODY . WILL . LISTEN . TO . WHAT . I . HAVE . TO FUCKIN . SAY. .I AM AN ADULT AND I WOULD APPRECIATE BEIN TREATED AS ONE.. I can't even begin this my head is not even here its not in this town its not in anything it is just . . nowehere like me I am nowhere goin nowhere. .i have to move out but I do not know who with. .I can't take it anymore i AM SO FUCKIN STUPID. .Well actually no I am not stupid I am just taken for a mug all the fuckin time and it fuckin stops HERE//. .I am so stressed out. .tekl ya what I will break it all down
I HAVE THREE DAYS TO FIGURE OUT ALL OF THIS. .
I am currently owed $4200 that would be my entire savings over a workin period of 3 years and it was wiped out cos as usual I was "convinced" everythin would be fine and work out well guess what it IS NOT. .Nothin is nothin at all. .I am fuckin done with all this bullshit about money and I WANT IT BACK. .
Ppl need to figure out what they are doin otherwise I will have no choice than to take YOU to court and to MOVE OUT.
Matters of the heart I could very easily strangle Chris with my hands I have come to despise him he thinks it is HILLARIOUS to continue tauntin me at work AND I AHVE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT FUCKIN BULLSHIT He can go fucck himself as far as I am concerned
I have too many crushes on too many ppl who are bad for me but what else is new and I am still in Love. .again what else is new????!!!?? NOTHIN IS NEW!!! it is alll old news everythin is old nothin changes and I am just happi here freakin out on the computer. .
I am currently at my rents for the afternoon cos I can't stand to live in a house with no food and no motivation to discuss anythin since I have been workin all week I have had no time OR MONEY to get any food but they have been home all fuckin day they could have gotten food. .fucck noone will tell me the truth. .$30 I had in loonies and toonies has DISAPPEARED from my room there is pot in the fridge I have had enough not to mention I have been informed that we won't all have enough for rent THATS WHAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF. .They need to figure out what the hell they are doin otherwise I am put I am searchin for a place as I type. .I have lost my sisters shirt she is going to kill me. .I have hunted high and low I can't even thinkin where it is. .the only place I can think of is downtown at the bar when I went with Mark to pick up the car but I woulda noticed if I dropped a shirt for fuccks sake I even asked James he said I did not leave it in his truck ARRGGGHH I AM JUST SO PISSED that most of my savings were taken and for what???????????? Nothin to end up in the same fuckin place I may as well just get it all over with NOW I have not felt so. . betrayed as I do now WHYY DO I LET PPL LET ME GIVE IN TO THEM?? Like what the fucck is wrong with me same for sex too I can't say no to anythin even though I damn well should temptation and adventures get the better of me and I am always up for anythin like that and I don't think about it maybe I moved too fast than I needed too but I need my own space this is not workin and I do not know how to fix it so it will YOU CANT LIVE OFF OF DREAMS THAT AREN'T GOIN TO HAPPEN YOU BOTH HAVE TO BE COMMITTED. .NEITHER ONE HAVE YOU HAVE THOUGHT ANYTHIN THROUGH AND I REFUSE TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ANY LONGER AND THAT IS WHYY I ESCAPED. .How ironic is that hey??? I get kicked out and I think of the countless times I have stormed out and now I am stormin out of my appartment back into my rents' house becuase everythin is fallin apart but nobody can see that it was not a good deal and there has to be somethin more than this. .I am just sick and tired of it all so much for my plans to go back home cos ppl won't pay me what they owe me and thats just rippin me apart because I NEED TO GO BACK HOME I AM SICK OF THIS USELESS COUNTRY I need Ross so bad .. he knows and hes the only one who knows how to talk some sense into me before I will turn to the bottle again. .I said I quit drugs I lied I said I was okay I lied I said I was survivin and yea I lied I fuckin lied about it all I could not be worse right now I am so pissed off I don't even know who I can turn too. .I am my own person I look out for myself. .independancy is chokin me all becasue of my decisions I could have said no but I did not I said yes. . .ONLY TO SAVE MY FREINDSHIP NOTHIN MEANS MORE TO ME THAN FRIENDSHIP anyone whos known me for 5 mins will tell you that. .but was it too much to sacrifice for a frienship?? was it really a matter of life and death?? I AM JUST GOIN ROUND IN FUCKIN CIRCLES AGAIN NOW I have drawn so many lines and stepped over one too many so soon there is a cigarette burn in the car. .i have a further 15 mins to find my sisters shirt or she is not goin to talk to me my relationship with my sister has become an important aspect of my life. .so has my rents I need to be out because otherwise they suffocate me and tie me down and I do not want to be tied down by anyone not even by a man at this point in time this is what I fuckin mean everythin is bullshit even the fuckin weather today is bullshit and I swear if I hear/see one more article about the fucckin queen I will fuckin explode. .right that is it I am done rantin if anyone has any HELPFUL advice as to what I should do do please speak up as I need all the help I can fuckin get right about now.//
See you all at my funeral. .once these three days elapse I will be dead. .play Scartissue it will put me at ease. . .
broken_aurora