Farewell then you old bugger of a year
Another year older, a new one just begun....
Jan 1st is "just another day" but it does seem to somehow represent a line drawn in the sand, when we all look back and forward in equal measure.
2008 was remarkably short of the watershed year I was somehow excitingly expecting when it began. Indeed, I don't even know where my optimism for it came from?
On the world stage it's politically been a great year, especially with the Republicans getting kicked out into the street after 8 years of their lies, mismanagement and greed. Can't wait for Jan 20th when we swipe goodbye to the Texan retard and welcome what hopes to be a new start with a brighter future. Gobama!
Personally it's been ups and downs. I’m very happy that we finally had our honeymoon, albeit ten years after our wedding. The days in Washington and (to a lesser extent) Baltimore were relaxing and fun... at least before those turds at AirTran (motto: "We don't give a fuck if we have your money") screwed us over on the homebound flight.
It was enjoyable to also spend some time with my Dad and all my hugely important (to me) friends in England. Two weeks in February by myself, then a couple with MK in October, the latter of which cost us next to nothing thanks to Dad's overwhelming generosity and kindness. I'm hoping to get back there again in February, flight prices, a promise and/or finances willing.
I turned 50. The build-up to it was more stressful than the event itself. As 51 looms within the next week it's weird that I feel hardly bothered by the 'number'. As I eventually slalom towards 60 however, I am sure the trepidation will return.
I didn't achieve as much with the house as I've been proud to conquer in prior years. Lagging energies and utter frustration over how the dining room remodel panned out took the proverbial wind from my sails, resulting in me being unsure of even wanting to start any more projects of that size and nature again. I pretty much turned a mental corner where I've begun to think I can't do all this shit by myself anymore. For a variety of reasons, that room really took its toll on me, physically and mentally, and whilst I know that sounds awfully 'precious' and diva-like, all I can add is... "You weren't in my shoes". There was definitely a point where I wanted to give up, and felt I nearly did.
I did more of the writing I promised myself, many days getting into a nice groove and turning out what I feel is admirable prose. Other days I wanted to shout and scream at either the results or my inability to even get started. I'm still not convinced its a 'vocation', or even a hobby... but it's kept me out of trouble more times than not.
Our good friends in Detroit moved back to England sooner than expected and that (selfishly) depressed me. I can't express just how much fun I got out of our frequent weekends together, grabbing back vestiges of my 'britishness'. I'm pretty certain now they've gone that I will again start to feel even more homesick.
An old college friend who I had not seen in 28 years came and stayed with us. For several days the pair of us turned back the clock and reminisced. It was a lovely time and far more grown-up than I was maybe expecting prior to his arrival. I hope we stay in touch a little more readily now.
A friend in England - who had also visited us earlier in the year - suffered a sudden heart attack and ended up on the operating table having a quintuple by-pass. It hit home for me... not just because of the whole "there but for the grace of Bootsy, go I" notion, but the realisation that, in fucked up America, the procedure would probably have bankrupted us... even WITH health insurance.
My 79-year-old Dad came and stayed with us for a couple of weeks in April. Not sure he'll make it over again. Newly discovered heart issues have us all concerned, although - unlike me - he has started to take care of himself like never before, eating less, more sensibly and managing to properly relax and not let things bother him.
Talking of health, I'd like to lose a couple - or more - inches off my waistline. Whilst I'm very aware this will improve my well-being, I know in myself this will take the same Herculean-sized effort that I gave in quitting smoking five years ago. On the face of it, it's all little more than adopting a strong mental attitude and being somewhat bloody-minded, both occasional traits of mine. I feel I manage to eat relatively well at 'the big table', but know it’s my snacking habits and inability to manage 'portions' which undermines me. They then are my new 'pack of 20' which I need to quit. We'll see. (I will say however that losing weight from/on January the 1st is such a terrible cliché that I already know any commencement is a while away... I can't tell you the number of times I stopped smoking at midnight on 1/1 and was lighting up just a few hours later)
Like everyone else our finances have been hit by the massive worldwide economic downturn. I predict that my total earnings from investments and savings in 2008 will be maybe 50-60% of what they were in 2007, and that's not even taking into account the monies lost in longer term 401k's and the suchlike. With interest rates at an all time low, I'm well aware that 2009's income will fall even further. I could start taking bigger risks on the stock market, but that's never been in my nature so it’s probably a case of eeking out what little we get and tightening financial belts. If that means making more of what we already have, then maybe its no bad thing?
I don't make resolutions. A resolution seems like a promise and I don't like breaking promises. Instead I give myself certain little goals for the forthcoming year. I scored a few goals in 2008, but several other shots did little more than bounce off the woodwork and into the crowd. I want to score a few of the same goals in 2009 and add more to the tally.
I'd like to learn some new skills - not to lure me into a job, but to give me identity, a little more self satisfaction and pride ... all things I lack with increasing dismay. I've identified a couple of possibilities I could 'get into', both of which require certain financial investment, but time will tell if I can throw off my invisible coat of procrastination and actually get to them as the year progresses.
If I could find the right (initially) part-time job, I may well even consider it. Of course, I am considering this when companies big and small are laying off people rather that hiring... but you never know.
2009 is not going to be easy. I think most people are aware of that and are already planning and plotting ways to get through it. As Father Time kicks 2008 in the nads, sending it crashing to the ground in a bloodied heap, I think the best any of us can hope for is that the successor is not quite as mean, not quite as vicious and not quite as disruptive.
Happy New Year.