4 weeks and 3 days
Life is going one day at a time right now. I think about the break-up and the weeks that have followed all the time and can't seem to get a break from it. It disgusts and absolutely sickens me that he could move on so fast, especially to a friends with benefits type relationship, two weeks after we broke up. We were together two years and it feels like a dishonor to the good memories we had. I know that it's good to be out of the relationship because of the verbal abuse and degradation I had to deal with when he was mad, which was too often for me. I know he is a bad person inside and that he needs a lot of help, seriously, to become a different person and it most likely won't happen. He needs therapy and to gain insight into his problems. I know I am better off, but it is still so hard to deal with the feelings of betrayal, heartache, and disgust when he has no regard for my feelings at all and has lost a lot of weight and been able to move on so quickly. I feel like a total loser for not handling myself better and not being able to heal more quickly. I also know time will help heal me but it's so hard just to make it through the day. I can't go one day without breaking down and crying over the hurt and pain I feel. I've been praying to God to take some of the hurt, stress, and sorrow away from me and I think he has. I just wish I could delete the existence of the relationship from my mind, as if it never happened. I wasted two years of my life and made so many bad choices. I feel so pathetic and unworthy of any good coming to me, but I know that will change as I start to heal. I just hope no more drama comes to my attention and I can work on healing, losing weight, and feeling better about myself for ME. I hate to be sad and feeling so much pain so I'm going to keep praying that it will be released from me and I can start to become better. I can't wait to look back on this entry and wonder how I could feel so much pain from him and how much better off I am without him in my life.