(no subject)
So i've been really busy and havent had a chance to update so this entry could be rather long.
I finally had my baby.
He was born on september 11th weighed 9 lbs 1 oz and came out screaming like someone was killing him,
i had to have a c section since he was so big....which by the way is the most terrifying experience i've had in a long time.
when i went to the hospital i was really calm and relaxed and everything was going great......until the nurses came into my room and were like "are you ready?"
the second they wheeled me into the operating room i lost it.
i was crying really hard and was freaking out.
my mom was there with me and kept peeking over the curtain making weird faces which made things even worse.
when he came out and i saw him the only thing i could say is "wow.....this is soooooo weird"
for the rest of the day i was all fucked up on morphine and benadryl and can hardly remember anything.
sooooooo that was my hospital experience in a nut shell.
i hate to brag and everything but my son is probably the cutest baby ive seen.....ever.
haha
seriously tho.....he has really light brown skin with big blue eyes.
he has huge fat cheeks and lots of hair.
eats a whole bunch and doesnt cry all the time.
being a mom is a crazy feeling.
its unbelievable that something so beautiful came from something that was soooooo fucked up.
being pregnant was the easy part.
since jordans been born i havent slept hardly at all.
the hormones right after pregnancy are way worse than they are during pregnancy.
i've been crying more often.....mostly because i feel completley overwhelmed.
i feel cheated and betrayed because all the responsibility is falling on me and it takes 2 people to make a baby.....
having to deal with devin is probably the worst part.
after not seeing him for 6 months and then having to put up with him again is really hard to deal with.
i get this sick disgusted hurt feeling every time i look at him.
its even worse seeing him and my sister together.....its basically like getting stabbed in the back over and over and over again.
its just too many feelings and too much to deal with way too fast.
my head feels like its spinning so fast its about to fall off.
i hate watching him hold the baby.
mostly because i can tell that he loves him.......and i catch him looking at the baby and then looking at me and doing that over and over with this pitiful look on his face.
its enough to make me want to vomit and kill him.
ugh.....i have massive amounts of anger
on the upside i reported him to the child support office which he is highly pissed off about.
maybe he'll where a condom with the next bitch that comes along.
on the downside........he did pay to get me a tatoo which at the time didnt sound like a bad idea.
and hell.....that bitch was paying for it so i figured WHY NOT?
the idea i had in my head was really super cute and what i ended up with is some gnarly looking tatoo that looks like it was done in jail.
SO on top of a whirlwind of crazy emotions i have a butt ugly tatoo to piss me off even more.
but hey.......at least i have a really pretty baby :)
I finally had my baby.
He was born on september 11th weighed 9 lbs 1 oz and came out screaming like someone was killing him,
i had to have a c section since he was so big....which by the way is the most terrifying experience i've had in a long time.
when i went to the hospital i was really calm and relaxed and everything was going great......until the nurses came into my room and were like "are you ready?"
the second they wheeled me into the operating room i lost it.
i was crying really hard and was freaking out.
my mom was there with me and kept peeking over the curtain making weird faces which made things even worse.
when he came out and i saw him the only thing i could say is "wow.....this is soooooo weird"
for the rest of the day i was all fucked up on morphine and benadryl and can hardly remember anything.
sooooooo that was my hospital experience in a nut shell.
i hate to brag and everything but my son is probably the cutest baby ive seen.....ever.
haha
seriously tho.....he has really light brown skin with big blue eyes.
he has huge fat cheeks and lots of hair.
eats a whole bunch and doesnt cry all the time.
being a mom is a crazy feeling.
its unbelievable that something so beautiful came from something that was soooooo fucked up.
being pregnant was the easy part.
since jordans been born i havent slept hardly at all.
the hormones right after pregnancy are way worse than they are during pregnancy.
i've been crying more often.....mostly because i feel completley overwhelmed.
i feel cheated and betrayed because all the responsibility is falling on me and it takes 2 people to make a baby.....
having to deal with devin is probably the worst part.
after not seeing him for 6 months and then having to put up with him again is really hard to deal with.
i get this sick disgusted hurt feeling every time i look at him.
its even worse seeing him and my sister together.....its basically like getting stabbed in the back over and over and over again.
its just too many feelings and too much to deal with way too fast.
my head feels like its spinning so fast its about to fall off.
i hate watching him hold the baby.
mostly because i can tell that he loves him.......and i catch him looking at the baby and then looking at me and doing that over and over with this pitiful look on his face.
its enough to make me want to vomit and kill him.
ugh.....i have massive amounts of anger
on the upside i reported him to the child support office which he is highly pissed off about.
maybe he'll where a condom with the next bitch that comes along.
on the downside........he did pay to get me a tatoo which at the time didnt sound like a bad idea.
and hell.....that bitch was paying for it so i figured WHY NOT?
the idea i had in my head was really super cute and what i ended up with is some gnarly looking tatoo that looks like it was done in jail.
SO on top of a whirlwind of crazy emotions i have a butt ugly tatoo to piss me off even more.
but hey.......at least i have a really pretty baby :)