(no subject)
me and jeremy are doing REALLY bad. he tried to break up with me yesterday but i dont exactly know what happened, he just ended up staying. he told me i give him to much affection and he needs his space. and he wanted to break up cuz of the camping trip we took this weekend with cody and alexis. me and jeremy ended up getting in a drunken fight like always and so jeremy decided to sleep outside the tent. i had no choice but to sleep next to cody and in the morning jeremy came in the tent and pulled all the blankets off me and codys arm was around me. I DIDNT EVEN ALLOW IT OR KNOW IT WAS FUCKING HAPPENING. i swear to god. and to be honest i dont even think cody ment something of it. he stood up for me the whole way home and jeremy was really nice to me because of it. but then right when we get home jeremy accused me of cheating on him with cody (mind you his girlfriend was right next to me in the tent as well) i told him over and over nothing happened. he tried to walk out but i pretty much begged him to stay which i know is so pussy of me :[ he was nice to me yesterday and then macraye called and asked me about going up to nine inch nails and his EXACT words pretty much were "go without me. go have a fun night with macraye!" but this morning i wake up with him in my room looking for his cd. i woke up and asked him to come here and give me a hug and he just leaned over and came me a little tap on the shoulder. i asked him what was wrong and he was like "NOTHING WHATS WRONG WITH YOU DID YOU GET ALL DRUNK LAST NIGHT IS THAT WHY YOU ARE ACTING ALL WEIRD" and so i was just like "wtfff" and he was like "WHATEVER" and i asked him why he was being so mean and he just yelled "IM NOTTTT"
i dont know what to do. i cant even really explain it here, he just keeps acting like me being his girlfriend is the biggest hassle in the world. and i feel like allllll i do is bother him and make him mad. and then when i do something for me, and have the most amazing night of my whole life, i couldnt even tell him about it because he'd problly accuse me of doing some sexual favor to get to hang out on the buss or something. all i know is that he would be unbelievably mad.
yesterday before nine inch nails jeremy and dylan left with these two REALLY hot chicks. jeremy was gonna hook a bunch of coke for him i guess. at like 9:30 michael called me and was like "you know jeremy is in a car with two hot chicks right?" and i said yessss and michael was all "yeah i just wanted to let you know cuz it didnt look right i guess" and it problly was just michael being jelouse of me and jeremy and looking for a window oppertunity to break us up.
but then when i called jeremy at 12, before we got into that buss, HE WAS IN HIS BASEMENT WITH THEM. dylan was there too i guess. but come on. jeremy can chill with two HOOOOT chicks in his basement but im not even allowed to have fun at a concert without cheating on him. and sean told me his break ended at two today so i dont know what hes doing right now. he just came buy to get his cd and he was driving some crazy red blazer. his phone has been busy for about a half hour, so im pretty much assuming he took it off the hook while hes at his house.
i know i problly should swollow my fucking pride and just let him go, because id be a lot better off. sometimes the reason im really scared to break up with him though is because i have no friends of my own anymore. i have like. 3 friends that are mine. plus i love him SOsososos much. he makes me SOOOO happy and everytime he hangs up on me or walks out the door on me, my heart breaks and it hurts me so bad. i cant imagine myself not being with him. and him telling me he doesnt want to be with me and that he cant stand it really hurts my self esteem. ive never been broken up with and ive never broken up with anyone. i figure being broken up with is the worst. its a total shot to the chest. i just want us to work things out and be ok. i dont understand what im doing soooo wrong to him.
i dont know what to do. i cant even really explain it here, he just keeps acting like me being his girlfriend is the biggest hassle in the world. and i feel like allllll i do is bother him and make him mad. and then when i do something for me, and have the most amazing night of my whole life, i couldnt even tell him about it because he'd problly accuse me of doing some sexual favor to get to hang out on the buss or something. all i know is that he would be unbelievably mad.
yesterday before nine inch nails jeremy and dylan left with these two REALLY hot chicks. jeremy was gonna hook a bunch of coke for him i guess. at like 9:30 michael called me and was like "you know jeremy is in a car with two hot chicks right?" and i said yessss and michael was all "yeah i just wanted to let you know cuz it didnt look right i guess" and it problly was just michael being jelouse of me and jeremy and looking for a window oppertunity to break us up.
but then when i called jeremy at 12, before we got into that buss, HE WAS IN HIS BASEMENT WITH THEM. dylan was there too i guess. but come on. jeremy can chill with two HOOOOT chicks in his basement but im not even allowed to have fun at a concert without cheating on him. and sean told me his break ended at two today so i dont know what hes doing right now. he just came buy to get his cd and he was driving some crazy red blazer. his phone has been busy for about a half hour, so im pretty much assuming he took it off the hook while hes at his house.
i know i problly should swollow my fucking pride and just let him go, because id be a lot better off. sometimes the reason im really scared to break up with him though is because i have no friends of my own anymore. i have like. 3 friends that are mine. plus i love him SOsososos much. he makes me SOOOO happy and everytime he hangs up on me or walks out the door on me, my heart breaks and it hurts me so bad. i cant imagine myself not being with him. and him telling me he doesnt want to be with me and that he cant stand it really hurts my self esteem. ive never been broken up with and ive never broken up with anyone. i figure being broken up with is the worst. its a total shot to the chest. i just want us to work things out and be ok. i dont understand what im doing soooo wrong to him.