Let Me Be Your Advocate CH. 2
Title: Let Me Be Your Advocate [2/?]
Author: cobrapandemic
Chapter Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat, eventual Zack Merrick/Rian Dawson
Word count: 4,878
Story Summary: A doctor AU in which Alex is a tease, Jack is a sad panda, Rian Dawson is oblivious and Zack Merrick is a filthy enabler.
Chapter Summary: Jack relives the events leading up to his suicide attempt.
A/N: There will be Panic! in this chapter so, uh…Happy Birthday! (Warning, LJ wouldn't let me format so the spacing is a bit off. I apologize in advance.)
**
Chapter Two
December 18, 2005
The seventeen year old stares resolutely out the window of the hospital room he is currently occupying. His parents just left to go speak with his soon to be shrink and Jack has never been more thankful for being alone. A failed attempt at suicide generally leaves you in the mood to grieve on your own, thank you very much.
Jack knows, he just knows, that if his dad had come home from work just twenty seconds later, he wouldn’t be alive right now. Why in the fuck didn’t Jack do this during rush hour traffic or something? That way his dad would have arrived home an hour late and Jack wouldn’t be lying here wishing to be dead.
Jack is a dumbass sometimes.
He shifts to lie on his back and winces at the sting of the bandages rubbing against his bruised neck. Fucking pain. Jack hates pain in all forms. He just wants to feel nothing. He just wants to shut his eyes and never open them again. I mean, isn’t the world over-populated anyway? It wouldn’t be too much of a burden to kill off one useless seventeen year old would it? Where is Jack the Ripper when you need him?
The clock on the wall hanging above the door reads 4:11 and Jack frowns. He should be at work right now, putting popcorn into buckets for ungrateful people and smiling as if he really is perfectly content with his life.
He isn’t.
Up until about a year ago, the only real issue worth mentioning in Jack’s life was his overtly Christian family. They wanted him to be this perfect little angel boy and Jack was fine with pretending. Jack was perfectly fine with his lifestyle. Partying on Friday and Saturday, hung-over at church on Sunday. His mom and dad believed he was just tired from all of the strenuous schooling throughout the week days. Truth is Jack was recovering from fourteen Blue Motherfuckers and two joints.
And possible alcohol poisoning but that’s not the point.
Everything was mostly fine. Jack would go to school, hang out with Rian and the whole lot of his band friends and then head home to do homework. Afterwards he’d go in to work for a few hours and maybe see a movie before coming home. There was no reason-at the time-for Jack to want to hang himself in the closet of his bedroom.
That was until about three weeks into the first semester of his junior year.
October 30, 2004
It's another normal Friday in Maryland. Rian's over and they're hanging out in Jack’s backyard by the pool because Jack’s family is unnecessarily wealthy and Jack is the only one of his friends with a pool. It’s really weird that they’re living in a neighborhood of middle class families now that Jack actually thinks about it.
Jack gets the feeling that his parents are just assholes and want to show off just how much money they have.
But then, Jack is hardly ever right about stuff.
He and Rian are talking about hitting the music store a couple blocks away from their school when Jack’s phone buzzes.
Rian stops his rant about broken kick drum pedals and gives Jack a sideways glance as if to say, “Don’t you fucking dare.” But Jack dares. In fact, Jack picks up.
“Hello?”
There’s a rumbling on the other line and then chuckles and finally a voice.
“Yeah, is this Jack?” The voice asks and Jack vaguely recognizes it.
“Uh, yeah, who’s this?” Jack asks. Rian is sitting up on the lounge chair pretending not to be eavesdropping. Jack kind of knows he is though.
“It’s Spencer.” The voice says all smooth and positive and Jack has a moment where his heart flutters really non-gayly and then he realizes the likelihood of this actually happening to him is about zero so he makes it a point to do some questioning.
“Spencer…Smith. Like quarterback for the football team Spencer Smith? How’d you get my number?” Jack tests. If this is one of the band guys playing a joke then Jack is one hundred percent sure he’s putting dog shit in someone’s tuba.
Jack hears a voice on the other line that sounds familiar too but he can’t pin it. “Yeah, do you know another Spencer? And there’s this thing called a phone book. Really useful.” The guy says and then he sighs. “Look, I was calling to see if you and your friend Brian wanted to come to my Halloween party.”
Jack takes a moment to be shocked and then looks to Rian who is sitting on the lounge chair looking like he is about to snatch the phone away from his friend.
“Uh, I guess. Where and when is it?” Jack asks. He almost makes a comment about Spencer’s mispronouncing Rian’s name but he kind of forgets when Spencer starts talking again. Because Spencer has this voice and it’s hard to really focus on much else outside of it.
There’s more laughter on the other line and then Spencer is back. “It’s at my place. I’m sure you know where that is. Party starts at seven be there or don’t. See you around, Barakitty.” There’s a loud crash and then Spencer’s annoyed “Fucking, Brendon” before the line goes dead.
Jack maybe stares at his blackberry for twenty-two seconds too long before Rian is clearing his throat rather stridently.
“Who was that, dude? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Rian comes to sit beside Jack on the other lounger.
“Uh, that was Spencer Smith.”
Rian grimaces. Rian kind of hates Spencer and the whole lot of the football jocks. He hates Ryan the most and he tolerates Brendon. Well, pretty much everyone tolerates Brendon but Jack thinks Rian has his own reasons. Jon he doesn’t really care for and Spencer he wishes were dead. Jack doesn’t like them either, really. They kind of made his life hell his first two years in high school but ever since Jack joined the party circuit this passing summer, they’ve stopped shoving him into lockers.
“What the fuck is Smith doing calling you?” Rian mutters offhandedly staring at the pool like it is the most interesting thing in the world ever. Jack thinks Rian’s hatred for Spencer and anything Spencer related stems from Spencer putting out a rumor that Rian had sex with Ned, the nerdy tech kid back in freshmen year. An understandable hatred.
Jack shrugs. “He wanted to invite me-us-to his Halloween party tonight.” Jack says and then, “I actually…we should go.”
Rian’s eyes grow about six sizes larger in that second. “Fuck no we shouldn’t. You know those freaks are probably just playing some kind of prank. You walk into his yard and bam, egged to death. No, Jack. Let’s just…no. We can chill here. Jam out in your-“
“Dude, why the fuck not? We haven’t been to any good parties in months. Plus I heard Brendon in the background I think. So he’ll be there. And don’t you kind of like…like him a little or something?”
Rian is fuming now. “Fuck no I don’t like that spaz! No one fucking likes Urie or any of those guys. They’re a bunch of asses, Jack. Just, dude. We shouldn’t go.”
Jack is the one fuming now for no reason at all other than ‘Holy shit, Spencer Smith knows who I am.’ “Well, fuck it. I’m going. You can stay here if you want.” Jack looks at his cell. Its 5:18 and he still needs to shower and make up a good lie to get out of the house.
Rian looks betrayed but Jack is having trouble responding to his friend’s expression. He’s way too busy planning his outfit. There are probably going to be cheerleaders there. Yeah, that’s why Jack is going. For the cheerleaders.
“Are you seriously going to do this, Jack?” Rian asks, eyeing him with a slight hint of antipathy and even more disbelief. As far as Rian knew, Jack hated Smith’s crew just as much as he did. So none of this made any sense, unless… “Wait, fuck. Do you have a thing for Smith? Dude, I thought you said you weren’t like that?”
Jack can feel the blush crawling up his neck and he grabs his towel draping it over his head to hide his embarrassment. “I’m not like that, Rian, chill. If Spencer’s guys are gonna be there then I’m sure that Z and the rest of the cheerios will be there too. I heard she and Ross are dating.”
Rian looks skeptical and then worried. “Jack, you know you can tell me anything right? Like…” Rian waves his hands imprecisely. “When I came out to you, you were totally supportive and shit. And I would be supportive of you too, you know?”
Part of Jack feels like breaking down and crying and admitting that yes, yes he is gay. But that’s only a small, insecure part of him. The bigger part him is offended.
“I fucking told you that I just wanted to go party and maybe fuck a couple of cheerleaders, dude. How does that even have anything to do with being gay?” Jack doesn’t think of what he’s about to say before he does. “Just because you like dick doesn’t mean I have to.”
For a moment Rian just stares at his best friend incredulously. And then the shocked disbelief becomes hurt and the hurt becomes rage and then Rian is standing up.
“Fuck you, Barakat.” He spits and then he’s leaving, shoulders squared, fists clenched at his sides.
The only thing Jack can think is, “Oh, shit.” And he almost goes after Rian but then his phone buzzes with a text.
Cnt w8 2 c u- Spencer
Jack forgets about Rian completely after that.
** ** **
Jack calls his mom’s job around six. He tells her he was called into to work until closing and needless to say, she believes him. He almost feels bad lying to her except for how he really doesn’t.
He spends what has to be twenty minutes searching for Spencer’s house because contrary to Spencer’s belief, not everyone knows where he lives.
It doesn’t take a lot of deep investigation to find Spencer’s house once Jack on the right street.
The house is a two story townhouse with a three car garage and about seven cars parked out front. Music is blaring from inside and people are mingling outside. It’s not overly vivacious just yet but it’s only ten minutes after seven.
Jack checks his reflection in the shiny exterior of a black BMW before heading toward the yard. Jack is clad in tight black skinny jeans, a black Van Halen hoodie and a blue tee. He’s wearing gray plaid Vans and his hair is gelled and spiked on one side with the other side hanging in a bang over his charcoal lined eyes. He knows that Spencer’s crew goes for the whole scene guy look so Jack decided to borrow his mom’s make up.
It has nothing to do with Jack trying to impress Spencer. Jack is just trying to fit in.
He gets a couple of sidelong glances and muffled scoffs from a few of the party goers. Jack has seen some of them around at other parties he’d been to but it seems none of them ever thought they’d see him at a Spencer Smith party. Jack feels a little like poking out his tongue at them.
The front door is cracked but when Jack pushes it open the smell of weed and sweat hits him hard.
All around him people are grinding and groping and making out to what sounds like something by MCR but Jack can’t be sure. He can see plenty of people that he knows littered around but there is no sign of the quarterback or any of his croonies.
A couple of strangers mosey up to him, ask him to dance but Jack politely declines. He’s not really drunk enough to grind up on some girl yet.
Instead Jack goes to rest against the wall that the stereo system is against. The bass feels good vibrating through him. It’s soothing and warm and… there is someone tapping Jack’s shoulder.
Jack’s eyes open slowly, lazily and they’re met with bright blue ones. Spencer is smiling at the younger boy and Jack is getting that fluttery feeling again. He curses himself internally.
“You having fun?” Spencer yells over the thumping bass. Jack has to strain to hear him but nods anyway. He couldn’t tell Spencer that he was not having any fun what-so-ever. That would probably get him shoved in a locker come Monday and honestly, Jack is getting too tall for that shit.
“Good, good. You want something to drink?” Spencer asks, his neat brown hair falling into his face. Spencer is the only one of his friends, with the exception of Jon, that doesn’t dress in girl’s pants and wear make-up.
Back when Jack was a freshmen, Spencer was the king of eye liner, tight jeans, lesbian hair and sharp hip bones but two years has made Smith kind of a man.
Spencer is tall and firm and he has the best beard Jack has ever seen (Again, with the exception of Jon). Jack is actually jealous that he can’t grow a beard that full.
“Uh, yeah, sure. Thanks.” Jack finally says after having stared at the other boy for a full ten seconds. Spencer smirks a little but disappears into the crowd of people.
Jack suddenly feels out of place against the wall. Lonely even. People are dancing around him, on him, and he is standing here alone. Being a wall flower, skin molding into the red paint like vines.
He wonders for a brief second what Rian would be doing if he had decided to come along but Spencer is back and Jack forgets what he was thinking about.
Spencer has a neon blue drink in one hand and a neon green drink in the other. “Pick your poison.” Spencer says and Jack chuckles reaching for the blue one that kind of matches Spencer’s eyes. “I figured you’d pick that one,” Spencer says joining Jack against the wall.
They stand there sipping and bouncing to the music until Jack only has a small corner of blue drink left and there’s a warm buzz under his skin.
Spencer swallows down what’s left of his drink and is grabbing Jack by the arm and leading him upstairs. With every step Jack is getting even more anesthetized and less capable of making proper judgment. Spencer seems fine though.
They pass several people kissing, puking and fucking on the way to what Jack can only assume is Spencer’s bedroom.
The room is huge with blue everything. He has a California king bed and a set of double doors that open out onto a vast balcony. There’s a drum kit in the corner that Rian would flip shit over and a door that probably leads to a bathroom. It’s impressive. Jack wants his parents to install a balcony in his room, dammit.
“This-“ Jack hiccups. “This is nice, dude.”
Spencer shrugs. “It’s alright. Come on in. Don’t want anyone seeing inside here.” He motions for Jack to enter the room. Jack does and almost falls flat on his face. There is no way one drink is getting him this fucked up.
“Here,” Spencer is grabbing him by the arm again. Leading him to the bed. “Sit, you look like you’re about to pass out.”
Jack mutters something but it comes out twisted. Spencer chuckles. “You’re kind of cute when you’re like this, Barakitty.” He says and Jack hates, hates that stupid nickname. But that is only half of the problem with that sentence. Did Spencer just say he is cute?
“What?” Jack manages, turning to look at the blue eyed boy. Spencer smiles a brilliant smile and oh. What was Jack saying?
“I said you’re cute, is that a problem?” Spencer is leaning in kind of close and Jack is seeing doubles...triples. He can feel warm, alcohol scented breath on his neck and then hot wet lips.
His body folds in on itself at the sensation and oh, wow. Spencer has a nicer mouth than Jack had anticipated.
Spencer is sucking roughly on Jack’s neck and Jack can practically feel the bruise pulling to the surface. His heart is thudding in his chest and he can feel his jeans getting tighter from his arousal. The arousal that he wants to deny so badly but he just can’t. I mean, it’s a one time thing. All guys experiment with other guys, right? It’s a part of being in high school.
Spencer brings him out of his thoughts when he presses his lips to Jack’s with enough force to knock the boy onto his back. One of Spencer’s hands is massaging the bulge in Jack’s pants and suddenly Jack wishes he’d have rethought the skinny jeans, just this once.
“Mm, you’re so fucking cute. I bet your hot little mouth would feel amazing on my cock.” Spencer says lowly into Jack’s ear and Jack can’t help the moan that slips out, all broken and obscene.The mental image of him sucking Spencer’s cock is enough to make him come, right now.
“C-can I?” He asks and the words slip out before Jack can stop them. “Suck you off, I mean?”
Spencer looks surprised at just how easily Jack had given in but he grins lazily. “Only if you want. You know I wouldn’t make you do something you didn’t want to do.”
Jack briefly thinks, ‘I didn’t want to be shoved into a locker everyday but somehow I ended up there without fail.’ But he just nods and says, “I want to.”
Spencer smiles and sits up, straddling Jack. He grinds down against Jack’s erection and the younger boy sees stars for just a second before Spencer is pulling him up.
Spencer sits on the edge of the bed and press on Jack’s shoulders until he’s kneeling in front of Spencer’s crotch. Jack can see the bulge there and in his hazy mind a mantra of ‘I did that. I did that to Spencer’ plays.
“You still there, Barakitty?” Spence prods, lifting Jack’s chin. Jack’s head spins with the sudden movement but he nods, moving to undo Spencer’s jeans.
Jack is pretty much in the dark about giving a blowjob. He knows how it feels to receive one but his oral sex skills only extend as far as vaginas. He’s never so much as seen a cock that wasn’t his own.
Spencer catches on fairly quickly and laughs softly. “Never sucked cock before.” He says knowingly, stroking a hand through Jack’s hair. “It’s okay. It’s not that bad, I promise.”
Spencer’s reassurance isn’t helping as Jack discards Spencer's jeans and is now staring at the seemingly larger bulge in Spencer’s briefs. Jack decides, fuck it, and just goes for it mimicking what a few girls had done to him.
Spencer seems contented in this because he lets his head lean back and gives an obscenely filthy moan and for half a second Jack feels a bit like a slut. But then it passes when he frees Spencer’s cock and actually has it in his hand.
It’s not as wide as Jack’s own but it’s pretty fucking long. The head is dark red and a little bead of pre-come rolls down the underside. In a spur of pure exhilaration Jack licks it up before it reaches the base of Spencer’s cock. It’s bitter but not entirely unbearable.
“Your tongue. Fuck, so hot.” Spencer moans and Jack takes that as permission to continue, lowering his head to mouth at the tip, tongue sweeping over the slit. Spencer shudders underneath him and Jack feels suddenly powerful. Like he has the control. It feels good. Or it could just be those increasing bouts of vertigo he’s experiencing.
Jack wraps a hand around the shaft and continues to suck shallowly. He figures there’s no possible way he's getting anymore of it in his mouth without choking. Spencer is making audible noises now, tossing his head back and gnawing on his lip. It's very distracting.
Jack feels Spencer slide both hands into his hair, forcing him down and Jack goes without protest taking the entirety of Spencer’s dick into his mouth. When he feels it hit the back of his throat he swallows around it, trying to prevent the onslaught of vomit he feels building up.
Spencer apparently takes this as some kind of invitation and arches up involuntarily, choking the younger boy. “Fuck, sorry. Just, fuck…so good.” He apologizes but his voice is rattling and Jack can tell he’s getting close.
He slides off of Spencer’s cock slightly before taking it all into his mouth and moaning. That’s all it takes before Spencer is spilling into his mouth with a loud, “Jesus Christ!”
Jack tries to swallow it all down but ends up with a bunch of it on his lips and chin. He tries to wipe it away but his arms feel like lead and the motion sends a rush of dizziness shooting through him. He tries to blink back the feeling of pressure building in his temples but his vision is blurring and, oh. Oh, no.
He vaguely hears Spencer saying something to someone else before he’s out like a light, cum all over his mouth.
** ** **
Jack wakes up in Rian’s room the next day or the next week, there's no way to tell. Rian isn’t in there anywhere and the curtains are drawn keeping the light from coming in. Jack mentally thanks Rian for his aversion to sunlight.
There’s a faint throb in Jack’s temple and a bitter taste in his mouth and what the fuck happened last night? Last thing he remembered was talking to Spencer at the party. And if he was correct, Rian hadn’t been at said party, so how did Jack get in Rian’s house?
His question is answered when Rian enters the room, eyes red and a silver tray in his hands. On the tray is a bottle of Tylenol and a Starbucks cup.
“Finally awake, you fucker?” Rian asks but he sounds less pissed and more relieved. “Lucky you’re not dead.”
Jack sits up slowly, wincing at the ache in his body. “What are you talking about?”
]Rian narrows his eyes at him as he hands Jack the tray. “I found you passed out at the park this morning. Apparently someone dropped you off there.” Rian is frowning and Jack is confused. “You don’t remember what you did last night? Are you fucking joking?”
Jack frowns as he swallows back two pills and moans at the hot mocha goodness rolling down his throat. It still doesn’t wipe out the bitter taste though.
“Not so much, no.” Jack replies, voice hoarse. “Just that we had a fight and I went to Spencer’s.”
“And what did you do at Spencer’s.” Rian asks and then says, “Let me rephrase that. Who did you do at Spencer’s?”
Jack feels nauseous for a moment and then realizes what Rian is implying. “I didn’t do anyone or anything at Spencer’s. What’s your problem?” Jack hasn’t even gotten midway through his sentence before Rian is holding his iPhone in front of him.
Jack has to squint at the blurry photo but when he really sees it, he does in fact throw up in his mouth. Rian hurriedly hands him the waste basket and Jack goes to town emptying his stomach.
Rian has a photo of him sucking Spencer’s cock. Only it’s from the waist down, so the only person visible in Jack.
“H-how…did-“
“Mass text. Can’t trace where it started but I’m pretty sure everyone in town has it now. I’m also sure Spencer sent it in the first place.” Rian looks hurt. “Dude, I thought you said you weren’t gay. I mean, it’s not an issue. I could use someone to talk to about this kind of shit, it’s not easy to deal with alone. But… I had to find out that my best friend has been in the closet by text message?”
“I already told you! I’m not gay!” Jack spits, sitting up to get his shit and get the fuck out of there. He doesn’t even know what to think. What to say.
“Oh, really? So straight guys just go sticking other straight guy’s dicks into their mouths?” Rian is right on Jack’s flanks as the boy tries to escape.
Jack can’t fucking…how did this even happen? He doesn’t remember even being in the same room as Spencer for more than a couple minute, let alone sucking his cock.
Fuck, Jack is screwed.
“Jack, stop trying to run and talk to me about this, man!” Rian calls as Jack flings the front door open, sunlight making him curl in on himself.
“I don’t want to talk about this because this never happened okay?”
Rian shakes his head in disbelief. “Jack, not only did it happen, everyone knows it happened. Now you’re pretty much digging yourself the biggest hole ever right now by denying it. Dude, I fucking know how it feels. You don’t want it. You don’t want to admit it. But the best thing to do is come out. I…” Rian grimaces, remembering something. “The worst thing I ever did was pretend it wasn’t happening. But the best thing I did was tell my best friend.”
The two boys stand in the open doorway and Jack just…he fucking can’t right now. He doesn’t even realize he’s sobbing until Rian is hugging him and closing the door and shushing him. “It’s okay, Jacky. Everything is gonna be fine, I promise.”
“N-no, it isn’t! M-my parents probably h-have seen this by now.” Jack barely manages through the torrent of tears. Rian doesn’t say anything because he knows Jack’s parents have seen the photo. It’s why he has Jack here right now. To avoid the wrath of his parents.
“Shh, they’ll…they’ll just have to accept it, Jack. There nothing anyone can do about it.” He says and then, “Never let them make you feel like there’s something wrong with you, Jack. There is nothing wrong with you. If anything they’re the ones with the problem.” Rian assures his friend who is no longer crying but is muttering something about his parents hating him.
“They’re not going to hate you, Jack. Calm down.”
Jack looks up heatedly. “Calm down? How can I calm down? I just found out I’m fucking gay and my parents have seen me sucking someone’s dick and you want me to calm down?”
Rian doesn’t say anything. He can’t because the house phone rings and he goes to answer it.
“Hello? Oh, Hi, Mrs. Barakat. Yeah, he’s…yeah…um, okay, I’ll let him know.” Jack watches as Rian hangs up the phone. “That was your mom. She uh…says that they want to speak to you.”
Jack feels like puking and dying all at once. He’s gonna be kicked out, he can feel it. He knows.
“I can drive you if you want. I mean, I can talk to them for you too.” And Jack really, really wants both of those things.
** ** **
The car ride to Jack’s house is quiet and tense. Jack is having a full blown panic attack but is doing his damnedest to keep from crying again.
When they pull into the driveway Jack’s father is already standing on the porch. His arms are crossed stiffly over his chest and his face is expressionless. Jack can practically feel the disappointment.
“You ready, dude?” Rian asks as he opens his door. Jack nods even though, no. No he is most certainly not ready, fuck.
The two boys exit the car and make their way up the steps of the porch.
“Afternoon, Mr. Barakat.” Rian offers but Jack’s father looks at him coldly.
“Why are you here, Rian?” He demands and Jack winces at his father’s tone. His family had always been rather civil toward Rian even knowing the boy was gay but Jack had always known they disapproved of their friendship.
Rian looks taken aback. “I came to support Jack. He do-“
“Get off of our property, you…you disgrace. You did this to our boy. You rubbed that goddamned disease off on our son!”
Rian raises both brows. “Excuse me? My being homosexual has nothing to do with Jack! You just need to take your head out of your ass, you fucking idiot!” Rian is furious, chest heaving and Jack is feeling like he’s about to cry again. Fuck, now he’s gotten Rian involved in his bullshit.
“You watch your mouth! Get your butt off of my property before I call the police!” Jack’s father is taking out his cell and Rian is suddenly looking at Jack.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I tried.” Rian hugs his friend but Jack’s father yanks Jack away from Rian as if just by hugging him Jack will catch fire.
“Go! And don’t contact my son again, do you hear me?!” And Rian is going back to his car but Jack can see that Rian isn’t giving up. They’re best friends, right? Why would Rian just abandon him?
Why would Rian leave him to deal with this alone?
** ** **
December 18, 2005
Jack is crying quietly to himself as he relives the events of last year. The night at Spencer’s party is no longer a blur but a horrible nightmare he never wants to have again. Coming out to his parents and having them pull him out of public school. Making him quit his job as to prevent him from seeing Rian or any of his friends. Telling him that, until he gives up “the demon” inside of him, he is no longer their son.
Jack relives the months and months of loneliness and regret and hatred for his parents. Hatred for himself. Jack relives driving to Home Depot and buying the heavy duty rope with the excuse of “Tire swing for my baby sister.” Jack relives the fear bubbling inside his chest as he pulled into the drive way of his house for what he had assumed to be the last time. Jack relives climbing up the stairs blindly, tears rolling down his puffy pink cheeks. Jack relives tying the noose around his neck and he relives the freeing feeling of the oxygen leaving his body. The numbness that had settled in.
And then his father had shown up looking for him to clean the garage and…
Here Jack is.
Jack doesn’t want to be here.
Jack wants to be dead.
Jack wants to be accepted and loved and…
He wants to happy again.
But that’s not something he’s ever going to get.
** ** **
A/N: Oh hai, LJ! How are you? Yes, it’s Wednesday Friday which means an update, like I promised lied about! (Because my computer crashed and I had to rewrite this ENTIRE chapter and adding to the crappiness of that, my beta, Mikey, is gone for a couple months so this will probably be my sloppiest work ever *insert sad face here*. Either way, I want to thank all of you for being oh, so, sweet to me in the comments. It made me all happy and stuff ^_^
I’d also like to say, I added Panic! in the story because they were my first bandom slash obsessions and it felt wrong not having them in one of my favorite stories I've written. I hope you didn’t mind. I was originally going to use an Original Character for the party scene where Jack is drugged but I figured, Hey, why the fuck not? Plus, my favorite type of Spencer is sleazy!Spencer. (Someone should write me a one-shot featuring sleazy!Spencer. I would love you forever. And totally write you a one-shot in return.)
Next chapter will be a look into Alex’s life. You’ll more than likely meet Zack (And I am so excited to write Zack’s character. I love him!). If the Alex chapter doesn’t go over 2,000 words then I’ll add Jack’s first session with Alex. If the Alex chapter does go over 2,000 words the session has to wait for chapter three. Um, what else? Oh, I added a couple of you as friends on here but if you want you can totally add me because I don’t have a lot of LJ friends and I love talking to people (:
So yeah, that’s all. Have a great night, morning or afternoon.
Oh bye!