omaha gray
omaha skies envelope the scenery like snow in the arctic. gray ghosts weave their menagerie over the landscape. there is not one part of the horizon that is blue. the land is wet as i drive home groggy in the morning. my mother has instilled this thing in me were i feel the nescessity to compliment a woman on any aspect that she changes in her appereance. oh course, i have modified this weird displacement and have made it my own. i only do so if i truly enjoy the change, but it is weird how one does turn into their parents. even though me and my father may be best of friends and horrible enemies at the same time, it scares me to see how much of him is in me. his lack of courage, his self assuring logic, his flawed demanour. but i have grown and took from the looking glass many things that are not apart of any of them. there are also situational ethics, situational morals, it's dark and creepy to think of life's decisions based on where you came from rather than how you think but that is reality. i moved into my moms house a couple of years ago to finish school and since then i have added more classes and more work. anything to be out of the house when she is here. she's not a bad person or anything, i just can't stand being treated like a subordanant. i don't know if i will ever forgive her for using my time as her guest as a way to try and control my every habit and ambition. i am half a person while i live here. because she owns the house she says she has every right to invade to discriminate to abhore, mothers can be devils that tip you sideways to get a better look. fathers are smug cool generals who's slightest touch brings concern and companionship. i don't know if she knows the damage of treating me like this. once i move out i look at it as escape. i never looked at leaving like that when i was in highschool. i just thought moving out was a natural thing, but now! oh, not now. not when treated like a slave. not when dictated to and constantly reminded of being dependent. i'm dependent of my own choosing! i could easily throw my degree down the toilet, or at least make a mountain of debt to stay in school, and move out like i did. well, a girl has me all writ up and i shake and i quake whenever i think of how her body aches. i wish there was more space to fill.