Fic: The Shortest Distance Between Two Points Pt. IV
See Part I for summary, art link, and acknowledgments.
Part IV: Katie
We could all make such good friends/yeah we’re all just such elegant disasters/And though your heart never beat like mine/I can come and fill the gaps if you want me to
Effy watched the perfect ring of smoke float away from her lips and dissipate into the chill morning air. She was leaning against the wall, one booted foot flat against the bricks, ditching classes to stare off into space again. She picked at her fingernails a bit as her fag dwindled down to ashes, counting slowly in her head. Right on cue she heard the back door of the college creak open and heels click down the steps. She dug out her lighter and flicked it as the sound of a crinkling pack of cigarettes came from the foot of the stairs.
“Light, Katie?” she asked, pushing away from the wall.
Katie looked her way with a start.
“The fuck Effy?!”
“I was just offering,” Effy shrugged, pocketing the lighter. “I’m sure you’re capable of lighting your own.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. You shouldn’t fucking sneak up on people like that!”
Katie’s eyes shifted down, away from Effy’s gaze and her hand twitched at the hair near her temple.
“Sorry,” Effy murmured.
She dug back into her pocket and produced the lighter and a small case, opened it and got out a joint. She lit it and stepped in closer, holding it out to Katie.
“No thanks,” Katie said, shaking her head slowly, “ I…I’ve got to get back to class.”
“But you haven’t even had your smoke yet.”
“Yeah…” Katie mumbled, backing away, “whatever.”
She spun and hurried back up the stairs. Effy sat on the bottom step and stubbed out the spliff against the cement. The conversation hadn’t gone well, but she hadn’t really expected it to. It was a start though, that was the important thing. She picked at a run in her stockings and waited for college to end.
*-*-*
The bell rang to end class but Katie didn’t get up right away. Cook was staring out the window on the other side of the room, looking thoughtful in a completely un-Cook-like way. When the teacher left with a strange look at them, she wandered over to him and waved a hand in front of his eyes.
“Anybody home?”
“Nope,” Cook chuckled, looking up at her “You know I ain’t got nothing in my head but smoke and pictures of tits.”
“Right,” Katie said sarcastically.
She sat on top of the desk in front of him and kicked at the floor a bit.
“So, did you want to talk about it?”
“What?” Cook started, looking suddenly guarded.
“God, you know, Effy? Brunette, slaggy outfits, sets boys everywhere staring aimlessly out of windows?“
“Oh, right, Effy…” Cook said, visibly letting out a breath.
“What is so special about her anyways that drives you and Freds so crazy?”
Cook’s gaze drifted away again, as if he was trying to form an answer.
“I dunno Katie, she’s…fit and mysterious, I guess. Listen I gotta go, mum’s giving me a ride, and she don’t like waiting…”
He got up, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked quickly out of the room. Katie stared after him, feeling a headache coming on. She fished in her purse for her lip gloss. As she put some on, she wondered if there had been something in the chips at lunch today, because everyone was clearly going fucking mad.
Katie headed to her locker. Emily walked up as she threw her books in, Naomi close behind.
“Hey Katie, Naomi and I were going to study a bit for exams and maybe go out for some drinks. Did you want to come?”
“Ugh, no fucking thanks.”
“What, why not?”
“Because, you two use ‘studying’ as code for ‘making out on a pile of textbooks’, and I really don’t want to see that.”
Katie rolled her eyes as Naomi tried to stifle a laugh. Emily shot a dirty look back at her girlfriend before pushing on.
“Come on Katie, it’s not like that. I’m just worried...”
“Look,” Katie interrupted, “I know you want to process your feelings or whatever you lesbians do, but I’m just not in the mood yet. I’m giving you space to ‘be your own person’, do the same for me.”
She slammed her locker and turned to go. Emily tried to start after her, but Naomi placed a hand on her arm.
Katie’s hands felt jittery as she escaped down the hallway. She decided to fuck the rules, pulled out a fag in the middle of the hall and lit up as she headed for the doors.
*-*-*
Effy was waiting by the door as Katie walked out of college. She smirked to see Katie puffing on a cigarette, blatantly flaunting school rules. As Katie walked, Effy followed slowly behind her, letting her mind wander. She needed to make things right, but for once wasn’t sure what the best approach was. Choosing exactly the right words or silent looks for getting under someone’s skin, flustering them into awkward confessions was one thing. Apologising was something completely different.
They walked through a park, in what she assumed was the direction of Katie’s house, Katie still oblivious to Effy’s presence. Effy found herself considering how different everything, everyone had been the previous year, when Katie had been the one following her everywhere. That Katie would never have been caught dead walking home from school. She remembered the first day of college, Katie and Emily arriving in that moronic footballer’s yellow convertible. Now Katie “Never not had a boyfriend since I was seven” Fitch was single and walking home alone in her perfect leopard print heels.
Effy picked up the pace of her languid steps. In a few moments she was walking next to Katie, quietly breathing in her second-hand smoke. Katie was still staring straight ahead when Effy interrupted her thoughts.
“Could I bum a fag? I’ve only got spliff left.”
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Katie exclaimed, nearly jumping out of her skin.
“Hi, Katie.”
Katie stopped abruptly, and Effy walked a few steps past her before turning around. She was standing, staring daggers at Effy with a hand over her heart.
“All right?” Effy asked carefully.
“No. I think everyone in the fucking college is trying to send me to an early grave. Rocks didn’t quite do the trick so now you’re trying heart attacks?”
“I honestly wasn’t attempting murder this time.”
“Great. So why the fuck are you following me?”
“I…wanted to talk.”
Effy looked Katie right in the eyes, but Katie didn’t hold her gaze. She looked ready to bolt again.
“I haven’t been in much of a talking mood lately.”
“Any way I could change your mind?”
“Get me drunk, maybe,” Katie snorted.
“I think we can make that happen.”
*-*-*
Effy raided her mother’s rather obvious ‘stash’ of alcohol. She and Katie drank silently in the back yard, someplace more neutral than Effy’s stark white room full of cigarette butts and sex. Katie drank without looking Effy’s way, drank straight from the bottle without flinching. She passed the bottle back with an arm flung blindly out from her side. Effy took a long pull, then a second.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” Katie started from her reverie.
Effy looked Katie in the eye and repeated herself. Katie’s eyes searched her face, her fingers grasping the ends of her hair.
“There’s no easy way to say it. I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry I fucked Freddie under those circumstances. Sorry for being a cunt, essentially.”
“Well, at least you finally acknowledge it,” Katie said, her eyes narrowing. “You really fucked it all up. Fucked Freddie and Cook over good this summer, Freds was a total wreck, and now they’re fighting again. Not to mention…”
She trailed off, rubbed her temple and then stared at her fingers, as if she expected the wound to be fresh again.
“So I’m a walking disaster,” Effy shrugged. “I never tried to deny it. And it’s not like you were completely innocent. I was high out of my mind, but I seem to remember you hitting me first.”
Katie’s angry gaze fell away, and she wiped hard at her eyes. Effy waited. She pulled a cigarette from the pack in her pocket, but found her hands shaking as she tried to hold the lighter to it.
“You’re right,” Katie said at last with a sniff, “I’m far from innocent. I…Effy, the other day Freddie asked me out. He said he wanted to get coffee to apologise for being a prick, but then we were just talking about all the shit that happened last year and he…he tried to kiss me. I didn’t let him, but god, I felt so stupid! I should have told him to fuck off from the moment he called…”
“Katie,” Effy interrupted, placing a hand on Katie’s arm, “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. Freddie’s a big boy, and perfectly capable of making his own mistakes, as we both know.”
Katie let out a harsh laugh, interrupted by a sniffle. Effy’s fingers trailed along her arm and she began to stiffen. Effy dropped her hand and passed the vodka bottle back.
The silence settled back in. Katie took a few more drinks before glancing back over at Effy.
“Are you and Freddie still…?” Katie hesitated, cleared her throat.
“Don’t know,” Effy replied with a wry smirk. “I told myself I would try this time, that he deserved that much for giving a shit.”
“You never try,” Katie said pointedly, with a sour smile.
“Maybe I should. I managed to fuck things up enough when I wasn’t trying.” Effy looked off towards the skyline, where the sun was setting behind a row of houses. “It’s very stressful, people always thinking you’re perfect.”
“You think that’s bad, trying to actually be perfect is worse.”
“I guess instead of trying to be perfect, we could try to just be.”
Katie looked thoughtful for a moment, but then she snorted out a laugh.
“What the fuck does that cliché even mean?”
Effy just looked at her until she started to smile, and they both began laughing as the night set in.
*-*-*
Cook woke with a start in the darkness. There was a long arm encircling his shoulders and the sound of heavy breathing next to him. He stayed utterly still for a moment, until he remembered where he was. With a deep breath he gently disentangled himself from Freddie and got up off of the couch.
Freddie’s chest rose and fell slowly as he slept. Cook bent and pushed the sweaty fringe of hair back from his forehead. He had never been attracted to another boy before, had never really thought about fucking one, but with Freddie everything was different. He was Cook’s best mate, the only one who always gave a shit. Cook meant it every time he had said he loved him and now…it was just more intense, frightening.
He pulled on his clothes and stepped out into the chill night for a fag. As he walked down the garden path he almost ran right into Emily, walking quickly through the darkness.
“Emilio! Where are you off to?”
“I need to speak with Freddie. Is he in there?” Emily said, looking over his shoulder towards the shed.
“Yeah, but he’s asleep.”
“Well, he can just wake up then.”
Emily made to push past Cook, but he held her back, panicking slightly that she would find Freddie naked on the couch.
“Whoa there, Ems, it’s well rude to wake someone from their beauty sleep. What did you need to talk to him about?”
“Katie came home crying the other night,” Emily said with a frustrated sigh, “after she was meant to be going for coffee with Freds. She wouldn’t talk to me about what was wrong, and she’s been in a mood ever since. I’m worried about her, so I came here to get some straight answers.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, Ems,” Cook said cautiously.
“Why not?”
“Your sister Katie, she’s a real spitfire. I don’t think she’d take kindly to you poking in her business when she don’t want to talk about it. Just wait, you know, she’ll come round eventually.”
Emily bit her lip and thought for a moment.
“You’re right, I think. God, when the fuck did you start giving out good advice?” she laughed.
“I’m a wise old soul Ems,” he said, sighing and looking heavenward, “but no one takes me seriously for some reason.” He put an arm around her shoulder. “Come on, let’s take a walk.”
They walked out of the yard and down the street, sharing a smoke.
“So how is Naomio?”
“She’s… amazing.” Emily blushed and smiled.
“Ah, look at all that love,” Cook chuckled. “I can see it now, two beautiful girls walking through life together, hand in hand, kissing… feeling on each other’s ti-“
“Cook!” Emily exclaimed, smacking at his arm.
“Hey, a boy can dream,” he said grinning.
“Perv,” she said, trying not to smile.
“Hey, Ems,” Cook asked after a moment, “how did you know you were destined to be Bristol’s fittest little homo?”
“What a way with words you have,” Emily snorted. “I dunno, I mean, when I was younger I’d kissed a few boys and it didn’t really mean much to me. Katie had loads of boyfriends, but she only seemed to keep them around so they would do things for her, finish her coursework or take her shopping. I didn’t see the point.”
She smiled softly, “Then in middle school I met Naomi, and she was….brilliant and funny and beautiful. There was just no one else for me.”
“You mean you’ve never even looked at another fit bird?”
“I didn’t say I’d never looked…” she laughed.
“There’s my Emilio! We need to go people-watching, you and me. I can tell you have good taste.”
“Wish I could say the same for you!” She elbowed his side lightly.
“I’m hurt!” he said, holding his chest “You’re a right terror, Emily Fitch, always insulting me and then snatching up one of the fittest girls in school.”
“Oh, you don’t do that bad for yourself!”
“Yeah, but I can never get them to stick around…”
Cook looked down and kicked at the sidewalk. Emily winced slightly and put a hand on his arm.
“Hey, I didn’t mean… Sorry, I know you’re upset about Effy but…”
“Nah, I’m well over it,” Cook interrupted, patting her hand. “You know me, always moving on, can’t be tied down to no one.”
Emily snorted, “I’ll ignore that blatant lie if you share some spiff with me. I know you’ve got some.”
“Done and done!” he grinned, and dug around his pockets for his skins.
*-*-*
Effy sat on the floor, back against the bed and feet propped up on a chair. Katie was lying on her stomach on the bed, flipping through a gossip rag.
“Ugh, what a hideous top. And here I thought Emma Watson had developed better fashion sense than Hermione. Must have spent too much time in that American uni being all swotty.”
Effy hummed an affirmative as she applied a second coat of black nail varnish. They were in her bedroom, passing the evening in what was apparently Katie’s favourite fashion: drinking wine from tea cups, painting their nails and insulting the fashion faux pas of the famous. Well, Katie was insulting and Effy was smirking at the appropriate moments. It was surprisingly relaxing but a bit boring, since this was the third time this week.
“Katie?”
“Hm?”
“Did you actually want to go out and do something tonight?”
“Like what?”
“Oh I don’t know, get wasted and go clubbing, find another concert in a cave, get drunk in the park and laugh at the homeless man who’s always trying to catch the ducks in the pond. The possibilities are endless,” Effy finished with a roll of her eyes.
“Be serious, babe. I’m not running around in the dark mocking the homeless. I save those insults for my sister’s girlfriend.”
“Fine, clubs it is then,” Effy said with a smirk.
“I don’t see what’s wrong with drinking some wine and seeing what’s on telly.”
“What’s wrong is that we aren’t fucking forty-two. Come on, we’re going out.”
“But, I’m not dressed for it and my hair…”
Katie’s hand lingered on the carefully placed curls at her temple. Effy bit her lip.
“You look sexy, but you can borrow some of my clothes if you want.”
“Ugh, sorry, but my arse is nowhere near flat enough to be covered by those things you choose to call dresses,” Katie said with a blush.
Effy smiled at that and soon Katie was smiling back.
“Well, you’ll have to make do then, because we’re going out and having some fun.”
*-*-*
Katie hesitated as they walked up to the door of the club, where a large, intimidating black man stood watch. Effy looked back at her as she halted, and then reached to grab her hand and pull her forward. When the bouncer saw Effy he broke into a huge smile.
“Hey, sweetie, haven’t seen you in a while!”
“Oh, I’ve been around,” Effy replied with a genuine grin.
“Got me novel published! It’s selling quite well.”
“Told you, you’re going to be the next J.K. Rowling.”
“Right as always, love,” he said winking at her. “You and your friend have a good time tonight.”
His smile was infectious, and Katie found herself grinning as Effy dragged her past him and inside.
“Shots first?” Effy asked as they fought their way to the bar. “I bet I can drink you under the table.”
“What table?” Katie smirked at the challenge.
After four shots Katie threw her head back, wincing slightly at the taste in the back of her throat.
“Ugh, let’s go dance.”
“Sure,” Effy replied, grabbing them a couple of ciders and heading towards the floor.
The club was packed with bodies. Effy immediately fell into the swaying, pulsing rhythm, but Katie felt a little off as she closed her eyes and moved her hips with the beat. Effy moved in closer to her while she wasn’t looking and put a hand around her waist. Her eyes shot open, but Effy just smiled at her.
“You need to loosen up, Katie.”
She produced a small bag of powder from pockets that shouldn’t have been able to exist in her tiny dress. She offered it to Katie, but Katie bit her lip and shook her head.
“No thanks, not in the mood.”
“Scared? What happened to the Katie Fitch that ate MDMA in her brownies?”
“Things change. I just don’t do that anymore.”
“Just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun.”
Katie sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Fine, just a little bit then.”
They each took a small hit from the bag and Effy made it disappear once more. Katie drank some of her cider and tried to just relax while she waited for the high to come on.
The alcohol and drugs all seemed to hit her at once, her blood rushing and warming her all over. Effy was dancing quite close to her now, arms around her neck and breath hot on her ear.
“What about those boys over there?” Effy whispered suddenly, nodding her head to the side and stepping back a bit.
Katie glanced toward where she had indicated. The boys were posh, one blond and one ginger, with striped polo shirts and perfect smirks. They were staring at her and Effy, and she quickly looked away.
“What about them?”
“They seem interested. Did you want to pull?”
“No thanks.”
“What, Katie “never-not-had-a-boyfriend” isn’t up for playing the field?"
“Hmph, not if those pricks are the best this club has to offer. Let’s just keep it a girls’ night, yeah?”
“Girls’ night, huh? All right.”
Effy wrapped herself back around Katie, smiling into her neck. The music seemed louder, a pulse in her body rather than just her ears as they danced. Effy moved languidly, in a way that was instinctively rather than overtly sexy. One of her hands around Katie’s shoulders drifted down to her hip while the other played idly in her hair. Katie was dancing with her eyes closed, just feeling everything too much, but when she opened them it was worse. All she could see was the intense blue of Effy’s eyes. She tried to look away and Effy just smiled and licked her lips. Her hand slid down Katie’s thigh and teased at the hem of her skirt. Katie lost her rhythm, pausing stiffly.
“I… have to go to the loo,” she quickly stammered.
“All right,” Effy replied, barely quirking one eyebrow.
Katie rushed into the bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle. She was hot, her face flushed, and worse, her knickers were soaked. It had to be the drugs, but still, Effy shouldn’t be making her feel this way. She took a deep breath and walked out to the sinks, stopping to splash her face with cold water. It would be okay, she just had to act normal for one evening until the fucking drugs wore off.
Effy was waiting for her at the bar with a drink.
“Warm in here, isn’t it?” she said, passing Katie an alcopop.
“Yeah, it’s too crowded.”
“We could go if you like.”
“Sure, in a bit.”
Katie looked down as she took a drink, and then stared out blankly across the sea of unfamiliar faces moving as one.
*-*-*
Effy lit a cigarette as they walked through the park, the moonlight reflecting off of the pond interrupted by the dark floating shapes of ducks and swans. Katie shivered next to her.
“You should have brought a coat,” she quipped as she exhaled a stream of smoke.
“Says the girl wearing as little fabric as possible without being arrested,” Katie shot back, laughing as she shivered again.
Effy stepped closer and put an arm around Katie.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What are friends for?” Effy said, flicking her cigarette butt into the damp grass.
“So we’re really friends now, yeah? Ironic.” Katie said with a smile and a roll of her eyes.
“Stranger things have happened.”
Effy rubbed her hand up and down Katie’s arm. Katie looked up at her, her eyes glistening in the dim light. Effy acted on her instincts, her blood still warm from the alcohol, the drugs, the press of bodies in the club. She leaned over and brushed her mouth against Katie’s pouty lips. It was only a feather-light kiss, but Katie stood frozen, her eyes tightly closed. Her lower lip jutted out so perfectly, Effy couldn’t help but kiss her again. Katie’s mouth began to move against hers, but then the motion became a shake of her head and Katie pulled back.
“Why did you do that?” Katie asked, holding a hand up to her lips.
“I don’t know, it just… felt right,” Effy murmured, slowly drifting closer to Katie again.
“I ca-- I’ve got to go,” Katie stammered, turning and hurrying down the path.
Effy watched her fade into the darkness, almost called out to her. In the end, she simply bit her lip and flopped clumsily into the grass near a park bench, still tipsy and warm. She stared up at the stars and tried to feel it, the sensation that she was just a tiny point on a spinning ball hurtling through the universe, and that if she cocked everything up again it wouldn’t even matter. She squeezed her eyes shut and could feel the spin of the earth beneath her, but even stronger she felt the impression of Katie’s lips on hers. She was too drunk to want to contemplate how Katie had gone from annoying bitch to rival to friend to…something. She only knew she was royally fucked.
*-*-*
Katie stumbled through the darkness, hugging her arms tightly around herself and shivering from the cold. Slowly she brought her fingertips back to her lips, the only part of her body that still seemed to be warm. Her thoughts reeled as she walked. ‘Friends’, Effy had called them. That was all Katie had ever wanted from the beginning of this whole mess, so why when they were finally getting there did Effy have to go and fuck it up? She wasn’t gay like Emily and that filthy hippie Naomi, and she certainly wasn’t turned on by Effy Stonem. (It didn’t count when she was high.) She just wanted to feel happy and normal again and…
Her heel caught in a crack in the pavement and sent her tumbling towards the ground. She caught herself, scraping her palms, and sat down with a sob. Who the fuck was she kidding, she thought. She didn’t even know what normal looked like anymore. She picked herself up slowly and continued limping her way home. She wished she didn’t miss Effy’s warm arm around her, but she wasn’t sure how to put things back to the way they were before.
*-*-*
Effy woke in her bed, still wearing her clothes from the night before. The walk home was a bit of a blur, but she was out of cigarettes again and one thought remained firm in her mind: she needed to go talk to Freddie.
She smoked herself awake as she walked to his house, shrugging her leather jacket closer around herself. She took a deep breath when she stood in front of his door, but when she went to knock she noticed it was open. Freddie was in his room, smoking a joint out of his window and lost in thought. Effy knocked on the frame of the open door and he turned around with a start.
“Effy!”
“Have you done your thinking, Freddie?”
“I…I guess so.”
“Good, so have I. I don’t think this is going to work.”
Freddie bit his lip but didn’t say anything. Effy joined him at the window and took a hit from the joint. She looked up at him as she exhaled.
“I hope I’m not breaking your heart but…I did give you fair warning,” she said with a fraction of a smile, leaning over and bumping him with her shoulder.
Freddie slung an arm around her and took back the spliff.
“Nah,” he said at last, almost smiling back, “I think I’m going to be okay. I guess it’s weird to say but… I already knew. I’ll be fine.”
He repeated ‘I’ll be fine’ to himself. Effy raised an eyebrow, but he looked back out the window without noticing her questioning gaze. As he stared down into the garden, a genuine smile slowly crept over his face. Seeing that, a knot in Effy’s chest unwound. She hopped up onto the windowsill and took the joint from his lips.
“Good,” she said, “that’s all I really needed to hear.”
They smoked in silence for a few minutes. When the joint was gone, Effy leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left.
*-*-*
Cook trotted into the garden after making sure Mr. McClair wasn’t home. He made his way back to the shed, loaded down with a grocery bag of biscuits and vodka for lunch. Freddie wasn’t waiting inside, so he poked his head out and looked up towards his bedroom.
He couldn’t see Freddie, but someone with long brown hair was perched in the window. Effy turned and exhaled a thin plume of smoke. She moved away from the windowsill and then he could see Freds, just as she reached up to kiss him.
Cook dropped the bag to the ground, the bottles making a satisfying crunch as they broke against the flagstones. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers and walked back up the garden path.
*-*-*
Freddie lay on his bed with his hands at the back of his neck. The sun was setting, and the flash of light through his window finally caused him to stir. The talk with Effy had made everything seem so…final. It made his chest feel lighter just to think of it. He got up and jogged down the stairs. A smile curved at the corners of his mouth as he made his way quickly to the shed.
Cook wasn’t inside. Freddie pulled his mobile from his pocket and dialed Cook’s number, but after a moment he heard a ringing coming from the couch. Cook’s phone was lodged between the cushions, and he was gone without a trace. Freddie ended the call to Cook’s phone and dialed the first number he could remember.
*-*-*
Katie wasn’t sure what had brought her to this shitty pub. She had just wandered most of the day, but now she wanted to sit and preferably drink. It wouldn’t bring clarity to her thoughts, but it might shut them up for a bit.
When she sat down at the bar she heard a yell from across the room.
“Katieeee!”
She should have known. Cook bounded over to her, his breath reeking of tequila as he threw an arm around her.
“What are you doin’ here, babe?”
“I was planning on drinking in peace.”
“Well that’s no good. Christina, more tequila!”
The barmaid rolled her eyes, but brought him drinks anyway. Katie pounded back the shot and watched as Cook managed to get more on his shirt than in his mouth.
“Jesus, Cook. How long have you been at this?”
“Oh, maybe since two. Whenever it was that I saw Freddie back with Effy.”
“What??” Katie exclaimed.
“She was up in his room, kissing him. I came here.”
Katie opened her mouth, then shut it. Christina brought them two more shots, and she took both of them.
“So how about it, Katiekins? If Freds and Effy are leaving us all alone, how about we be alone together?”
Cook waggled his eyebrows at her, but Katie had no response. A headache was swiftly forming behind her eyes. She put her head in her hands and Cook leaned over her.
“Don’t be like that Kate…” he began.
She shoved him back as she felt her mobile ring. Effy’s name appeared on the small screen. Katie flipped the phone open and pressed hard on the receive button.
“What. The. Fuck, Effy.”
“Katie!” Effy’s voice buzzed on the other end of the line, “Have you seen Cook? He’s gone missing and Freddie was looking…”
“Oh, I’ve seen Cook all right. And he told me everything.”
“What? Where are you?”
“At the pub. What the-“
“Good, just keep him there,” Effy said, and hung up.
Katie stared at the phone as it went dark. Next to her, Cook stumbled off of his barstool and doubled over, heaving up the contents of his stomach.
*-*-*
Freddie hurried into the pub, Effy close behind him. Katie sat at the bar, staring at the counter and looking ill. Cook was on the floor, looking even worse. Katie looked up as he approached, her eyes burning right past him. He winced at the intensity of her gaze, but focused his attention on Cook.
“Cook, are you all right, mate?”
“He’s been drinking all day,” Katie replied, still not looking at him, “ever since he saw you with Effy.”
Effy stepped forward as Freddie carefully picked Cook up off of the floor.
“Katie, it isn’t what you think.”
“Right, of course,” Katie said bitterly, turning quickly towards the door.
“Cook, listen!” Freddie exclaimed, forcing Cook to look him in the eyes. “Effy only came round to break up with me. It’s over, really, that was all.”
Katie paused and turned around. Cook stared at Freddie as he wiped his mouth, his face vacillating between shocked, ill, and pissed.
“Well, finally, ain’t that just grand. What if I don’t want to be the consolation prize, Freds?” Cook said, his eyes narrow.
“What?” Katie said.
Cook looked at her and Effy, as if just remembering they were there. He stood up straight and looked smugly at them.
“If you must know, Freddie here is totally gay for me.”
Freddie winced, quickly glancing between the girls. Effy’s face registered no signs of shock, while Katie’s eyes were wide with it. She shot a look at Effy and her non-reaction before turning back to Cook.
“Well, that’s just lovely. Is anyone here not gay?”
Effy tried to speak to Katie, but she turned on a heel and ran out, muttering ‘fuck this.’ Effy crossed her arms and shuddered as the door slammed behind Katie, but she turned back to Freddie and Cook after a moment. All the fights over her flashed before his eyes as she looked between him and Cook.
“Well, it’s about fucking time,” Effy remarked.
“Wait, what?” Freddie said.
“Well this has all been a bit obvious, hasn’t it? Freddie, you do know you say his name in your sleep, right?”
Cook grinned. “You little minx…”
“Go on,” Effy said with a roll of her eyes, “kiss and make up boys.”
“Fine,” Freddie said, finally allowing himself a smile, “but it seems you had better do the same.”
He looked toward the door and patted her on the shoulder. A smile lit her face for the both of them as she turned to go.
*-*-*
“Katie, wait!”
Katie glanced over her shoulder and saw Effy running after her. She felt cornered but she stopped, and leaned against the brick wall, hugging her arms across her chest. No matter where she ran, it was never far or fast enough to escape Effy Stonem.
“Don’t just leave like that!” Effy said, her voice more forceful and serious than Katie had ever heard her.
“I can’t do this, Effy. I’m not gay, I’m not anything! I just can’t…”
As she trailed off Effy crossed the remaining space between them and leaned over her, one hand pressing flat against the brick.
“Do you think this is easy for me? Well, let me tell you a little secret. You keep talking about how much we’ve all changed, do you think I want to stay like I am? A user, hurting people, shutting everyone out because I’m so fucking scared? “
Katie couldn’t answer. Her knees were shaking as she stared into those blue eyes, saw Effy’s lip quiver, like she was watching Effy crack and shatter right in front of her.
“Well things could be different with us. You don’t put up with my bullshit Katie and I need…”
Katie couldn’t stand it anymore. She tilted her head and just acted, moved across the infinitely small space between them and kissed Effy. Kissing wasn’t supposed to feel like breaking something and fixing it all at once, but Effy laced fingers through her hair and held her as she fell apart and came back together again.
Fin.
Part IV: Katie
We could all make such good friends/yeah we’re all just such elegant disasters/And though your heart never beat like mine/I can come and fill the gaps if you want me to
Effy watched the perfect ring of smoke float away from her lips and dissipate into the chill morning air. She was leaning against the wall, one booted foot flat against the bricks, ditching classes to stare off into space again. She picked at her fingernails a bit as her fag dwindled down to ashes, counting slowly in her head. Right on cue she heard the back door of the college creak open and heels click down the steps. She dug out her lighter and flicked it as the sound of a crinkling pack of cigarettes came from the foot of the stairs.
“Light, Katie?” she asked, pushing away from the wall.
Katie looked her way with a start.
“The fuck Effy?!”
“I was just offering,” Effy shrugged, pocketing the lighter. “I’m sure you’re capable of lighting your own.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. You shouldn’t fucking sneak up on people like that!”
Katie’s eyes shifted down, away from Effy’s gaze and her hand twitched at the hair near her temple.
“Sorry,” Effy murmured.
She dug back into her pocket and produced the lighter and a small case, opened it and got out a joint. She lit it and stepped in closer, holding it out to Katie.
“No thanks,” Katie said, shaking her head slowly, “ I…I’ve got to get back to class.”
“But you haven’t even had your smoke yet.”
“Yeah…” Katie mumbled, backing away, “whatever.”
She spun and hurried back up the stairs. Effy sat on the bottom step and stubbed out the spliff against the cement. The conversation hadn’t gone well, but she hadn’t really expected it to. It was a start though, that was the important thing. She picked at a run in her stockings and waited for college to end.
*-*-*
The bell rang to end class but Katie didn’t get up right away. Cook was staring out the window on the other side of the room, looking thoughtful in a completely un-Cook-like way. When the teacher left with a strange look at them, she wandered over to him and waved a hand in front of his eyes.
“Anybody home?”
“Nope,” Cook chuckled, looking up at her “You know I ain’t got nothing in my head but smoke and pictures of tits.”
“Right,” Katie said sarcastically.
She sat on top of the desk in front of him and kicked at the floor a bit.
“So, did you want to talk about it?”
“What?” Cook started, looking suddenly guarded.
“God, you know, Effy? Brunette, slaggy outfits, sets boys everywhere staring aimlessly out of windows?“
“Oh, right, Effy…” Cook said, visibly letting out a breath.
“What is so special about her anyways that drives you and Freds so crazy?”
Cook’s gaze drifted away again, as if he was trying to form an answer.
“I dunno Katie, she’s…fit and mysterious, I guess. Listen I gotta go, mum’s giving me a ride, and she don’t like waiting…”
He got up, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked quickly out of the room. Katie stared after him, feeling a headache coming on. She fished in her purse for her lip gloss. As she put some on, she wondered if there had been something in the chips at lunch today, because everyone was clearly going fucking mad.
Katie headed to her locker. Emily walked up as she threw her books in, Naomi close behind.
“Hey Katie, Naomi and I were going to study a bit for exams and maybe go out for some drinks. Did you want to come?”
“Ugh, no fucking thanks.”
“What, why not?”
“Because, you two use ‘studying’ as code for ‘making out on a pile of textbooks’, and I really don’t want to see that.”
Katie rolled her eyes as Naomi tried to stifle a laugh. Emily shot a dirty look back at her girlfriend before pushing on.
“Come on Katie, it’s not like that. I’m just worried...”
“Look,” Katie interrupted, “I know you want to process your feelings or whatever you lesbians do, but I’m just not in the mood yet. I’m giving you space to ‘be your own person’, do the same for me.”
She slammed her locker and turned to go. Emily tried to start after her, but Naomi placed a hand on her arm.
Katie’s hands felt jittery as she escaped down the hallway. She decided to fuck the rules, pulled out a fag in the middle of the hall and lit up as she headed for the doors.
*-*-*
Effy was waiting by the door as Katie walked out of college. She smirked to see Katie puffing on a cigarette, blatantly flaunting school rules. As Katie walked, Effy followed slowly behind her, letting her mind wander. She needed to make things right, but for once wasn’t sure what the best approach was. Choosing exactly the right words or silent looks for getting under someone’s skin, flustering them into awkward confessions was one thing. Apologising was something completely different.
They walked through a park, in what she assumed was the direction of Katie’s house, Katie still oblivious to Effy’s presence. Effy found herself considering how different everything, everyone had been the previous year, when Katie had been the one following her everywhere. That Katie would never have been caught dead walking home from school. She remembered the first day of college, Katie and Emily arriving in that moronic footballer’s yellow convertible. Now Katie “Never not had a boyfriend since I was seven” Fitch was single and walking home alone in her perfect leopard print heels.
Effy picked up the pace of her languid steps. In a few moments she was walking next to Katie, quietly breathing in her second-hand smoke. Katie was still staring straight ahead when Effy interrupted her thoughts.
“Could I bum a fag? I’ve only got spliff left.”
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Katie exclaimed, nearly jumping out of her skin.
“Hi, Katie.”
Katie stopped abruptly, and Effy walked a few steps past her before turning around. She was standing, staring daggers at Effy with a hand over her heart.
“All right?” Effy asked carefully.
“No. I think everyone in the fucking college is trying to send me to an early grave. Rocks didn’t quite do the trick so now you’re trying heart attacks?”
“I honestly wasn’t attempting murder this time.”
“Great. So why the fuck are you following me?”
“I…wanted to talk.”
Effy looked Katie right in the eyes, but Katie didn’t hold her gaze. She looked ready to bolt again.
“I haven’t been in much of a talking mood lately.”
“Any way I could change your mind?”
“Get me drunk, maybe,” Katie snorted.
“I think we can make that happen.”
*-*-*
Effy raided her mother’s rather obvious ‘stash’ of alcohol. She and Katie drank silently in the back yard, someplace more neutral than Effy’s stark white room full of cigarette butts and sex. Katie drank without looking Effy’s way, drank straight from the bottle without flinching. She passed the bottle back with an arm flung blindly out from her side. Effy took a long pull, then a second.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” Katie started from her reverie.
Effy looked Katie in the eye and repeated herself. Katie’s eyes searched her face, her fingers grasping the ends of her hair.
“There’s no easy way to say it. I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry I fucked Freddie under those circumstances. Sorry for being a cunt, essentially.”
“Well, at least you finally acknowledge it,” Katie said, her eyes narrowing. “You really fucked it all up. Fucked Freddie and Cook over good this summer, Freds was a total wreck, and now they’re fighting again. Not to mention…”
She trailed off, rubbed her temple and then stared at her fingers, as if she expected the wound to be fresh again.
“So I’m a walking disaster,” Effy shrugged. “I never tried to deny it. And it’s not like you were completely innocent. I was high out of my mind, but I seem to remember you hitting me first.”
Katie’s angry gaze fell away, and she wiped hard at her eyes. Effy waited. She pulled a cigarette from the pack in her pocket, but found her hands shaking as she tried to hold the lighter to it.
“You’re right,” Katie said at last with a sniff, “I’m far from innocent. I…Effy, the other day Freddie asked me out. He said he wanted to get coffee to apologise for being a prick, but then we were just talking about all the shit that happened last year and he…he tried to kiss me. I didn’t let him, but god, I felt so stupid! I should have told him to fuck off from the moment he called…”
“Katie,” Effy interrupted, placing a hand on Katie’s arm, “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. Freddie’s a big boy, and perfectly capable of making his own mistakes, as we both know.”
Katie let out a harsh laugh, interrupted by a sniffle. Effy’s fingers trailed along her arm and she began to stiffen. Effy dropped her hand and passed the vodka bottle back.
The silence settled back in. Katie took a few more drinks before glancing back over at Effy.
“Are you and Freddie still…?” Katie hesitated, cleared her throat.
“Don’t know,” Effy replied with a wry smirk. “I told myself I would try this time, that he deserved that much for giving a shit.”
“You never try,” Katie said pointedly, with a sour smile.
“Maybe I should. I managed to fuck things up enough when I wasn’t trying.” Effy looked off towards the skyline, where the sun was setting behind a row of houses. “It’s very stressful, people always thinking you’re perfect.”
“You think that’s bad, trying to actually be perfect is worse.”
“I guess instead of trying to be perfect, we could try to just be.”
Katie looked thoughtful for a moment, but then she snorted out a laugh.
“What the fuck does that cliché even mean?”
Effy just looked at her until she started to smile, and they both began laughing as the night set in.
*-*-*
Cook woke with a start in the darkness. There was a long arm encircling his shoulders and the sound of heavy breathing next to him. He stayed utterly still for a moment, until he remembered where he was. With a deep breath he gently disentangled himself from Freddie and got up off of the couch.
Freddie’s chest rose and fell slowly as he slept. Cook bent and pushed the sweaty fringe of hair back from his forehead. He had never been attracted to another boy before, had never really thought about fucking one, but with Freddie everything was different. He was Cook’s best mate, the only one who always gave a shit. Cook meant it every time he had said he loved him and now…it was just more intense, frightening.
He pulled on his clothes and stepped out into the chill night for a fag. As he walked down the garden path he almost ran right into Emily, walking quickly through the darkness.
“Emilio! Where are you off to?”
“I need to speak with Freddie. Is he in there?” Emily said, looking over his shoulder towards the shed.
“Yeah, but he’s asleep.”
“Well, he can just wake up then.”
Emily made to push past Cook, but he held her back, panicking slightly that she would find Freddie naked on the couch.
“Whoa there, Ems, it’s well rude to wake someone from their beauty sleep. What did you need to talk to him about?”
“Katie came home crying the other night,” Emily said with a frustrated sigh, “after she was meant to be going for coffee with Freds. She wouldn’t talk to me about what was wrong, and she’s been in a mood ever since. I’m worried about her, so I came here to get some straight answers.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, Ems,” Cook said cautiously.
“Why not?”
“Your sister Katie, she’s a real spitfire. I don’t think she’d take kindly to you poking in her business when she don’t want to talk about it. Just wait, you know, she’ll come round eventually.”
Emily bit her lip and thought for a moment.
“You’re right, I think. God, when the fuck did you start giving out good advice?” she laughed.
“I’m a wise old soul Ems,” he said, sighing and looking heavenward, “but no one takes me seriously for some reason.” He put an arm around her shoulder. “Come on, let’s take a walk.”
They walked out of the yard and down the street, sharing a smoke.
“So how is Naomio?”
“She’s… amazing.” Emily blushed and smiled.
“Ah, look at all that love,” Cook chuckled. “I can see it now, two beautiful girls walking through life together, hand in hand, kissing… feeling on each other’s ti-“
“Cook!” Emily exclaimed, smacking at his arm.
“Hey, a boy can dream,” he said grinning.
“Perv,” she said, trying not to smile.
“Hey, Ems,” Cook asked after a moment, “how did you know you were destined to be Bristol’s fittest little homo?”
“What a way with words you have,” Emily snorted. “I dunno, I mean, when I was younger I’d kissed a few boys and it didn’t really mean much to me. Katie had loads of boyfriends, but she only seemed to keep them around so they would do things for her, finish her coursework or take her shopping. I didn’t see the point.”
She smiled softly, “Then in middle school I met Naomi, and she was….brilliant and funny and beautiful. There was just no one else for me.”
“You mean you’ve never even looked at another fit bird?”
“I didn’t say I’d never looked…” she laughed.
“There’s my Emilio! We need to go people-watching, you and me. I can tell you have good taste.”
“Wish I could say the same for you!” She elbowed his side lightly.
“I’m hurt!” he said, holding his chest “You’re a right terror, Emily Fitch, always insulting me and then snatching up one of the fittest girls in school.”
“Oh, you don’t do that bad for yourself!”
“Yeah, but I can never get them to stick around…”
Cook looked down and kicked at the sidewalk. Emily winced slightly and put a hand on his arm.
“Hey, I didn’t mean… Sorry, I know you’re upset about Effy but…”
“Nah, I’m well over it,” Cook interrupted, patting her hand. “You know me, always moving on, can’t be tied down to no one.”
Emily snorted, “I’ll ignore that blatant lie if you share some spiff with me. I know you’ve got some.”
“Done and done!” he grinned, and dug around his pockets for his skins.
*-*-*
Effy sat on the floor, back against the bed and feet propped up on a chair. Katie was lying on her stomach on the bed, flipping through a gossip rag.
“Ugh, what a hideous top. And here I thought Emma Watson had developed better fashion sense than Hermione. Must have spent too much time in that American uni being all swotty.”
Effy hummed an affirmative as she applied a second coat of black nail varnish. They were in her bedroom, passing the evening in what was apparently Katie’s favourite fashion: drinking wine from tea cups, painting their nails and insulting the fashion faux pas of the famous. Well, Katie was insulting and Effy was smirking at the appropriate moments. It was surprisingly relaxing but a bit boring, since this was the third time this week.
“Katie?”
“Hm?”
“Did you actually want to go out and do something tonight?”
“Like what?”
“Oh I don’t know, get wasted and go clubbing, find another concert in a cave, get drunk in the park and laugh at the homeless man who’s always trying to catch the ducks in the pond. The possibilities are endless,” Effy finished with a roll of her eyes.
“Be serious, babe. I’m not running around in the dark mocking the homeless. I save those insults for my sister’s girlfriend.”
“Fine, clubs it is then,” Effy said with a smirk.
“I don’t see what’s wrong with drinking some wine and seeing what’s on telly.”
“What’s wrong is that we aren’t fucking forty-two. Come on, we’re going out.”
“But, I’m not dressed for it and my hair…”
Katie’s hand lingered on the carefully placed curls at her temple. Effy bit her lip.
“You look sexy, but you can borrow some of my clothes if you want.”
“Ugh, sorry, but my arse is nowhere near flat enough to be covered by those things you choose to call dresses,” Katie said with a blush.
Effy smiled at that and soon Katie was smiling back.
“Well, you’ll have to make do then, because we’re going out and having some fun.”
*-*-*
Katie hesitated as they walked up to the door of the club, where a large, intimidating black man stood watch. Effy looked back at her as she halted, and then reached to grab her hand and pull her forward. When the bouncer saw Effy he broke into a huge smile.
“Hey, sweetie, haven’t seen you in a while!”
“Oh, I’ve been around,” Effy replied with a genuine grin.
“Got me novel published! It’s selling quite well.”
“Told you, you’re going to be the next J.K. Rowling.”
“Right as always, love,” he said winking at her. “You and your friend have a good time tonight.”
His smile was infectious, and Katie found herself grinning as Effy dragged her past him and inside.
“Shots first?” Effy asked as they fought their way to the bar. “I bet I can drink you under the table.”
“What table?” Katie smirked at the challenge.
After four shots Katie threw her head back, wincing slightly at the taste in the back of her throat.
“Ugh, let’s go dance.”
“Sure,” Effy replied, grabbing them a couple of ciders and heading towards the floor.
The club was packed with bodies. Effy immediately fell into the swaying, pulsing rhythm, but Katie felt a little off as she closed her eyes and moved her hips with the beat. Effy moved in closer to her while she wasn’t looking and put a hand around her waist. Her eyes shot open, but Effy just smiled at her.
“You need to loosen up, Katie.”
She produced a small bag of powder from pockets that shouldn’t have been able to exist in her tiny dress. She offered it to Katie, but Katie bit her lip and shook her head.
“No thanks, not in the mood.”
“Scared? What happened to the Katie Fitch that ate MDMA in her brownies?”
“Things change. I just don’t do that anymore.”
“Just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun.”
Katie sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Fine, just a little bit then.”
They each took a small hit from the bag and Effy made it disappear once more. Katie drank some of her cider and tried to just relax while she waited for the high to come on.
The alcohol and drugs all seemed to hit her at once, her blood rushing and warming her all over. Effy was dancing quite close to her now, arms around her neck and breath hot on her ear.
“What about those boys over there?” Effy whispered suddenly, nodding her head to the side and stepping back a bit.
Katie glanced toward where she had indicated. The boys were posh, one blond and one ginger, with striped polo shirts and perfect smirks. They were staring at her and Effy, and she quickly looked away.
“What about them?”
“They seem interested. Did you want to pull?”
“No thanks.”
“What, Katie “never-not-had-a-boyfriend” isn’t up for playing the field?"
“Hmph, not if those pricks are the best this club has to offer. Let’s just keep it a girls’ night, yeah?”
“Girls’ night, huh? All right.”
Effy wrapped herself back around Katie, smiling into her neck. The music seemed louder, a pulse in her body rather than just her ears as they danced. Effy moved languidly, in a way that was instinctively rather than overtly sexy. One of her hands around Katie’s shoulders drifted down to her hip while the other played idly in her hair. Katie was dancing with her eyes closed, just feeling everything too much, but when she opened them it was worse. All she could see was the intense blue of Effy’s eyes. She tried to look away and Effy just smiled and licked her lips. Her hand slid down Katie’s thigh and teased at the hem of her skirt. Katie lost her rhythm, pausing stiffly.
“I… have to go to the loo,” she quickly stammered.
“All right,” Effy replied, barely quirking one eyebrow.
Katie rushed into the bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle. She was hot, her face flushed, and worse, her knickers were soaked. It had to be the drugs, but still, Effy shouldn’t be making her feel this way. She took a deep breath and walked out to the sinks, stopping to splash her face with cold water. It would be okay, she just had to act normal for one evening until the fucking drugs wore off.
Effy was waiting for her at the bar with a drink.
“Warm in here, isn’t it?” she said, passing Katie an alcopop.
“Yeah, it’s too crowded.”
“We could go if you like.”
“Sure, in a bit.”
Katie looked down as she took a drink, and then stared out blankly across the sea of unfamiliar faces moving as one.
*-*-*
Effy lit a cigarette as they walked through the park, the moonlight reflecting off of the pond interrupted by the dark floating shapes of ducks and swans. Katie shivered next to her.
“You should have brought a coat,” she quipped as she exhaled a stream of smoke.
“Says the girl wearing as little fabric as possible without being arrested,” Katie shot back, laughing as she shivered again.
Effy stepped closer and put an arm around Katie.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What are friends for?” Effy said, flicking her cigarette butt into the damp grass.
“So we’re really friends now, yeah? Ironic.” Katie said with a smile and a roll of her eyes.
“Stranger things have happened.”
Effy rubbed her hand up and down Katie’s arm. Katie looked up at her, her eyes glistening in the dim light. Effy acted on her instincts, her blood still warm from the alcohol, the drugs, the press of bodies in the club. She leaned over and brushed her mouth against Katie’s pouty lips. It was only a feather-light kiss, but Katie stood frozen, her eyes tightly closed. Her lower lip jutted out so perfectly, Effy couldn’t help but kiss her again. Katie’s mouth began to move against hers, but then the motion became a shake of her head and Katie pulled back.
“Why did you do that?” Katie asked, holding a hand up to her lips.
“I don’t know, it just… felt right,” Effy murmured, slowly drifting closer to Katie again.
“I ca-- I’ve got to go,” Katie stammered, turning and hurrying down the path.
Effy watched her fade into the darkness, almost called out to her. In the end, she simply bit her lip and flopped clumsily into the grass near a park bench, still tipsy and warm. She stared up at the stars and tried to feel it, the sensation that she was just a tiny point on a spinning ball hurtling through the universe, and that if she cocked everything up again it wouldn’t even matter. She squeezed her eyes shut and could feel the spin of the earth beneath her, but even stronger she felt the impression of Katie’s lips on hers. She was too drunk to want to contemplate how Katie had gone from annoying bitch to rival to friend to…something. She only knew she was royally fucked.
*-*-*
Katie stumbled through the darkness, hugging her arms tightly around herself and shivering from the cold. Slowly she brought her fingertips back to her lips, the only part of her body that still seemed to be warm. Her thoughts reeled as she walked. ‘Friends’, Effy had called them. That was all Katie had ever wanted from the beginning of this whole mess, so why when they were finally getting there did Effy have to go and fuck it up? She wasn’t gay like Emily and that filthy hippie Naomi, and she certainly wasn’t turned on by Effy Stonem. (It didn’t count when she was high.) She just wanted to feel happy and normal again and…
Her heel caught in a crack in the pavement and sent her tumbling towards the ground. She caught herself, scraping her palms, and sat down with a sob. Who the fuck was she kidding, she thought. She didn’t even know what normal looked like anymore. She picked herself up slowly and continued limping her way home. She wished she didn’t miss Effy’s warm arm around her, but she wasn’t sure how to put things back to the way they were before.
*-*-*
Effy woke in her bed, still wearing her clothes from the night before. The walk home was a bit of a blur, but she was out of cigarettes again and one thought remained firm in her mind: she needed to go talk to Freddie.
She smoked herself awake as she walked to his house, shrugging her leather jacket closer around herself. She took a deep breath when she stood in front of his door, but when she went to knock she noticed it was open. Freddie was in his room, smoking a joint out of his window and lost in thought. Effy knocked on the frame of the open door and he turned around with a start.
“Effy!”
“Have you done your thinking, Freddie?”
“I…I guess so.”
“Good, so have I. I don’t think this is going to work.”
Freddie bit his lip but didn’t say anything. Effy joined him at the window and took a hit from the joint. She looked up at him as she exhaled.
“I hope I’m not breaking your heart but…I did give you fair warning,” she said with a fraction of a smile, leaning over and bumping him with her shoulder.
Freddie slung an arm around her and took back the spliff.
“Nah,” he said at last, almost smiling back, “I think I’m going to be okay. I guess it’s weird to say but… I already knew. I’ll be fine.”
He repeated ‘I’ll be fine’ to himself. Effy raised an eyebrow, but he looked back out the window without noticing her questioning gaze. As he stared down into the garden, a genuine smile slowly crept over his face. Seeing that, a knot in Effy’s chest unwound. She hopped up onto the windowsill and took the joint from his lips.
“Good,” she said, “that’s all I really needed to hear.”
They smoked in silence for a few minutes. When the joint was gone, Effy leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left.
*-*-*
Cook trotted into the garden after making sure Mr. McClair wasn’t home. He made his way back to the shed, loaded down with a grocery bag of biscuits and vodka for lunch. Freddie wasn’t waiting inside, so he poked his head out and looked up towards his bedroom.
He couldn’t see Freddie, but someone with long brown hair was perched in the window. Effy turned and exhaled a thin plume of smoke. She moved away from the windowsill and then he could see Freds, just as she reached up to kiss him.
Cook dropped the bag to the ground, the bottles making a satisfying crunch as they broke against the flagstones. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers and walked back up the garden path.
*-*-*
Freddie lay on his bed with his hands at the back of his neck. The sun was setting, and the flash of light through his window finally caused him to stir. The talk with Effy had made everything seem so…final. It made his chest feel lighter just to think of it. He got up and jogged down the stairs. A smile curved at the corners of his mouth as he made his way quickly to the shed.
Cook wasn’t inside. Freddie pulled his mobile from his pocket and dialed Cook’s number, but after a moment he heard a ringing coming from the couch. Cook’s phone was lodged between the cushions, and he was gone without a trace. Freddie ended the call to Cook’s phone and dialed the first number he could remember.
*-*-*
Katie wasn’t sure what had brought her to this shitty pub. She had just wandered most of the day, but now she wanted to sit and preferably drink. It wouldn’t bring clarity to her thoughts, but it might shut them up for a bit.
When she sat down at the bar she heard a yell from across the room.
“Katieeee!”
She should have known. Cook bounded over to her, his breath reeking of tequila as he threw an arm around her.
“What are you doin’ here, babe?”
“I was planning on drinking in peace.”
“Well that’s no good. Christina, more tequila!”
The barmaid rolled her eyes, but brought him drinks anyway. Katie pounded back the shot and watched as Cook managed to get more on his shirt than in his mouth.
“Jesus, Cook. How long have you been at this?”
“Oh, maybe since two. Whenever it was that I saw Freddie back with Effy.”
“What??” Katie exclaimed.
“She was up in his room, kissing him. I came here.”
Katie opened her mouth, then shut it. Christina brought them two more shots, and she took both of them.
“So how about it, Katiekins? If Freds and Effy are leaving us all alone, how about we be alone together?”
Cook waggled his eyebrows at her, but Katie had no response. A headache was swiftly forming behind her eyes. She put her head in her hands and Cook leaned over her.
“Don’t be like that Kate…” he began.
She shoved him back as she felt her mobile ring. Effy’s name appeared on the small screen. Katie flipped the phone open and pressed hard on the receive button.
“What. The. Fuck, Effy.”
“Katie!” Effy’s voice buzzed on the other end of the line, “Have you seen Cook? He’s gone missing and Freddie was looking…”
“Oh, I’ve seen Cook all right. And he told me everything.”
“What? Where are you?”
“At the pub. What the-“
“Good, just keep him there,” Effy said, and hung up.
Katie stared at the phone as it went dark. Next to her, Cook stumbled off of his barstool and doubled over, heaving up the contents of his stomach.
*-*-*
Freddie hurried into the pub, Effy close behind him. Katie sat at the bar, staring at the counter and looking ill. Cook was on the floor, looking even worse. Katie looked up as he approached, her eyes burning right past him. He winced at the intensity of her gaze, but focused his attention on Cook.
“Cook, are you all right, mate?”
“He’s been drinking all day,” Katie replied, still not looking at him, “ever since he saw you with Effy.”
Effy stepped forward as Freddie carefully picked Cook up off of the floor.
“Katie, it isn’t what you think.”
“Right, of course,” Katie said bitterly, turning quickly towards the door.
“Cook, listen!” Freddie exclaimed, forcing Cook to look him in the eyes. “Effy only came round to break up with me. It’s over, really, that was all.”
Katie paused and turned around. Cook stared at Freddie as he wiped his mouth, his face vacillating between shocked, ill, and pissed.
“Well, finally, ain’t that just grand. What if I don’t want to be the consolation prize, Freds?” Cook said, his eyes narrow.
“What?” Katie said.
Cook looked at her and Effy, as if just remembering they were there. He stood up straight and looked smugly at them.
“If you must know, Freddie here is totally gay for me.”
Freddie winced, quickly glancing between the girls. Effy’s face registered no signs of shock, while Katie’s eyes were wide with it. She shot a look at Effy and her non-reaction before turning back to Cook.
“Well, that’s just lovely. Is anyone here not gay?”
Effy tried to speak to Katie, but she turned on a heel and ran out, muttering ‘fuck this.’ Effy crossed her arms and shuddered as the door slammed behind Katie, but she turned back to Freddie and Cook after a moment. All the fights over her flashed before his eyes as she looked between him and Cook.
“Well, it’s about fucking time,” Effy remarked.
“Wait, what?” Freddie said.
“Well this has all been a bit obvious, hasn’t it? Freddie, you do know you say his name in your sleep, right?”
Cook grinned. “You little minx…”
“Go on,” Effy said with a roll of her eyes, “kiss and make up boys.”
“Fine,” Freddie said, finally allowing himself a smile, “but it seems you had better do the same.”
He looked toward the door and patted her on the shoulder. A smile lit her face for the both of them as she turned to go.
*-*-*
“Katie, wait!”
Katie glanced over her shoulder and saw Effy running after her. She felt cornered but she stopped, and leaned against the brick wall, hugging her arms across her chest. No matter where she ran, it was never far or fast enough to escape Effy Stonem.
“Don’t just leave like that!” Effy said, her voice more forceful and serious than Katie had ever heard her.
“I can’t do this, Effy. I’m not gay, I’m not anything! I just can’t…”
As she trailed off Effy crossed the remaining space between them and leaned over her, one hand pressing flat against the brick.
“Do you think this is easy for me? Well, let me tell you a little secret. You keep talking about how much we’ve all changed, do you think I want to stay like I am? A user, hurting people, shutting everyone out because I’m so fucking scared? “
Katie couldn’t answer. Her knees were shaking as she stared into those blue eyes, saw Effy’s lip quiver, like she was watching Effy crack and shatter right in front of her.
“Well things could be different with us. You don’t put up with my bullshit Katie and I need…”
Katie couldn’t stand it anymore. She tilted her head and just acted, moved across the infinitely small space between them and kissed Effy. Kissing wasn’t supposed to feel like breaking something and fixing it all at once, but Effy laced fingers through her hair and held her as she fell apart and came back together again.
Fin.