daytime riot
I've had one of those days.
Those days that make you want to... to...
scream, cry, laugh, sleep, jump, dance, faint, kill, abuse, lick, run, twirl.
One of those days, yeah, those days.
I don't know whether to smile or frown, to laugh or cry, it seems sometimes, I do it all at once.
turning my face into a twisted, slightly hideous version of pain. Maybe not physical pain. But true, lonely, completely mental pain.
My brain is betraying me. I feel like I am falling apart, like I've turned into sand and I'm blowing away in the wind.
Unfeeling, Unhealing.
Religiously abused.
And it hits me in a moment, a single moment. In that moment, I realize how alone I am in this world, this world that is overflowing, bursting with life.
I am lifeless. I am dead.
Yet, it seems as if everything is okay, will be okay, everything will be okay.
I guess that is always how I saw it in the end. No matter what the forced me to become, everything would be okay. It is all so comfortably okay. Fine. Bland. Okay.
But it isn't. It really really isn't.
I overheard thier voices as they traveled throughout the room. She is so happy, she is so happy, she is so happy. But am I.
Am I really?
So, so, so happy.
The way in which I look at the world has been tainted. Tainted with sobriety, tainting with a lack, a lack of everything. A lack of sleep, a lack of love, a lack of emotion. A mass of lacks so thick it could sufocate you. Take your breath away.
And yet, I still manage to retain enough qualities to exist. How can this be. It can't. It does.
I love you all.
Good night.
Those days that make you want to... to...
scream, cry, laugh, sleep, jump, dance, faint, kill, abuse, lick, run, twirl.
One of those days, yeah, those days.
I don't know whether to smile or frown, to laugh or cry, it seems sometimes, I do it all at once.
turning my face into a twisted, slightly hideous version of pain. Maybe not physical pain. But true, lonely, completely mental pain.
My brain is betraying me. I feel like I am falling apart, like I've turned into sand and I'm blowing away in the wind.
Unfeeling, Unhealing.
Religiously abused.
And it hits me in a moment, a single moment. In that moment, I realize how alone I am in this world, this world that is overflowing, bursting with life.
I am lifeless. I am dead.
Yet, it seems as if everything is okay, will be okay, everything will be okay.
I guess that is always how I saw it in the end. No matter what the forced me to become, everything would be okay. It is all so comfortably okay. Fine. Bland. Okay.
But it isn't. It really really isn't.
I overheard thier voices as they traveled throughout the room. She is so happy, she is so happy, she is so happy. But am I.
Am I really?
So, so, so happy.
The way in which I look at the world has been tainted. Tainted with sobriety, tainting with a lack, a lack of everything. A lack of sleep, a lack of love, a lack of emotion. A mass of lacks so thick it could sufocate you. Take your breath away.
And yet, I still manage to retain enough qualities to exist. How can this be. It can't. It does.
I love you all.
Good night.