snowboarding and scars.
snowboarding on sunday was so much fun. amy and i grinded off the box ramps and railings. and we went on all these jumps. maggie was so funny. she fell asleep during the second half of being there. but yeah. i can't wait til we go again. my knee isn't swollen anymore. just really bruised.
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i have days where i feel like dying, but who doesn't?! i may sulk in my misery, but these days i feel so blessed to have someone in my life that makes me soo happy, that when it goes away. i'm sad. high highs, low lows. it's all worth it.
i remember days where i wished i was dead. sitting on the bathroom tiles, looking at the pills in my hand, and taking them in one by one. i wrote so many letters to everyone i loved. telling them it wasn't their fault and how much they meant to me. i was only 9 when the letters started. 15 when the pills came into play.
but somewhere inside i had this fantasy that things would get better. for years after, i didn't believe it. everything got worse. addictions, hospitals, more scars. i still held onto hope. now i'm glad i did.