i take my walk.
another year flew by..
and now i'm twenty-one. i took my walk at midnight, as i have done for the past few years. i like this tradition i've created. it allows me to just clear my mind, think, and reflect on the past year. how i've grown, how i've changed, where i've been, and where i'm headed. and then, at midnight, when i turn another year older, it's just me. on my own. i like it that way. most people, for their twenty-first birthday, will be at a bar when it turns midnight, making sure that they purchase alcohol as soon as they are legally able to.
me. not so much. i could have. but i didn't. i like to ring in another year by myself. it feels good, knowing that i don't need anyone else to help me grow up. i can do that all on my own. i took my walk, strolling up and down the parking lot at rosen. usually i would walk around my neighborhood, walking circles around the house i grew up in. this time, however, i wasn't at home. i was away from home. away from my family and the friends i've known all my life. this year, i'm in a temporary home. with a lot of uncertainty. with friends i've known for months. no family. this is what i thought about a lot during the walk.
i thought about how much of a risk it was for me to pack all of my things and move down here. i moved down here not knowing anyone. i moved to a foreign state. hell, a foreign part of the country. i remember the first day i got here. i unpacked, and then thought to myself.. "shit. now what?" i literally started everything from scratch. to look back on it, that's terrifying. but i wasn't terrified. i like that.
i took a risk. sure, i've learned some things, and might have made a mistake. but i'm still not sure of that yet. whatever the case is, i took a huge risk. i wanted to do this. it was a big deal. and i did it. i may be paying tutition for the rest of my life, and i may be wasting my time down here. who knows. but i wouldn't have known if i didn't just do it. and so now i'm learning every day. every minute of being down here is helping me to figure out whether or not i'm on the right path.
this past year has also made me realize just how much i love home. being surrounded by it for so long, i began to get frustrated and annoyed with much of it. being under the supervision of parents for so long, being caught in the 'rut' of working at custard cup, and not having any sense of direction. i was frustrated. but now that i'm down here, and i look back on home and what it was, i realize how much i took it for granted while i was there. my parents loved me. just being there made my parents happy. it hurts them and it hurts myself to be so far apart. working at custard cup gave me a damn good source of income. it also provided me with excellent management experience that looks great on a resume. no sense of direction? that's alright. that's what community college is for. figure it out first, then make the move. that's what i did. but while i was there, i was so frustrated with the uncertainty. now i realize that uncertainty is inevitable. it follows you wherever you go.
and my friends. my people back home. i knew i would miss them, but i never realized just how much i would appreciate their friendships and who they are. there's a different breed that comes from the midwest. zach, you know what i mean. that's the kind of breed i come from, and that's where i belong. i miss those people. i've managed to sift through the handful of people i've met here, and i've managend to find people of similar breeding, and that's great. but nothing compares to my people from home. i think about them all the time.
and so that was my past year. i'm another year older. what does this year hold for me? maybe a big career move? i guess we'll have to wait for next year's post to find out..
and now i'm twenty-one. i took my walk at midnight, as i have done for the past few years. i like this tradition i've created. it allows me to just clear my mind, think, and reflect on the past year. how i've grown, how i've changed, where i've been, and where i'm headed. and then, at midnight, when i turn another year older, it's just me. on my own. i like it that way. most people, for their twenty-first birthday, will be at a bar when it turns midnight, making sure that they purchase alcohol as soon as they are legally able to.
me. not so much. i could have. but i didn't. i like to ring in another year by myself. it feels good, knowing that i don't need anyone else to help me grow up. i can do that all on my own. i took my walk, strolling up and down the parking lot at rosen. usually i would walk around my neighborhood, walking circles around the house i grew up in. this time, however, i wasn't at home. i was away from home. away from my family and the friends i've known all my life. this year, i'm in a temporary home. with a lot of uncertainty. with friends i've known for months. no family. this is what i thought about a lot during the walk.
i thought about how much of a risk it was for me to pack all of my things and move down here. i moved down here not knowing anyone. i moved to a foreign state. hell, a foreign part of the country. i remember the first day i got here. i unpacked, and then thought to myself.. "shit. now what?" i literally started everything from scratch. to look back on it, that's terrifying. but i wasn't terrified. i like that.
i took a risk. sure, i've learned some things, and might have made a mistake. but i'm still not sure of that yet. whatever the case is, i took a huge risk. i wanted to do this. it was a big deal. and i did it. i may be paying tutition for the rest of my life, and i may be wasting my time down here. who knows. but i wouldn't have known if i didn't just do it. and so now i'm learning every day. every minute of being down here is helping me to figure out whether or not i'm on the right path.
this past year has also made me realize just how much i love home. being surrounded by it for so long, i began to get frustrated and annoyed with much of it. being under the supervision of parents for so long, being caught in the 'rut' of working at custard cup, and not having any sense of direction. i was frustrated. but now that i'm down here, and i look back on home and what it was, i realize how much i took it for granted while i was there. my parents loved me. just being there made my parents happy. it hurts them and it hurts myself to be so far apart. working at custard cup gave me a damn good source of income. it also provided me with excellent management experience that looks great on a resume. no sense of direction? that's alright. that's what community college is for. figure it out first, then make the move. that's what i did. but while i was there, i was so frustrated with the uncertainty. now i realize that uncertainty is inevitable. it follows you wherever you go.
and my friends. my people back home. i knew i would miss them, but i never realized just how much i would appreciate their friendships and who they are. there's a different breed that comes from the midwest. zach, you know what i mean. that's the kind of breed i come from, and that's where i belong. i miss those people. i've managed to sift through the handful of people i've met here, and i've managend to find people of similar breeding, and that's great. but nothing compares to my people from home. i think about them all the time.
and so that was my past year. i'm another year older. what does this year hold for me? maybe a big career move? i guess we'll have to wait for next year's post to find out..