(no subject)
i've decided that it's because of all of you guys that i'm not quite feeling 100% lately. yes, i'm loving it down here. everything is fucking fantastic. i love the people, i love everything. but i'm just not whole. i moved from champaign, and i only took a part of myself with me. i only took me. i know it's impossible to take everything else, but i need you all. it's almost as if being with my people back home refreshes me and makes me whole again. i love these people here, i love who i'm friends with, but i don't really think anyone here really understands me yet. no one gets me. i'm not quite sure i fit in with everyone else here. and i dont mean 'fit in' in the popularity contest sense. i mean i just am not the same kind of people as the ones i've met here. there are a select few who do seem to be more of 'my people', but i'm having a hard time getting to them, or at least, i'm having a hard time getting close enough to them to be sure of that. it's like no one's giving me a chance to show them who i am. or if i do get the chance, something stands in my way and blocks it. i have so much to tell people about myself and who i am. about where i come from. about the people who made me who i am. but i rarely get the opportunity to express that. it's just very odd coming from a place where everyone knows me, everyone understands me, and then to end up here, where no one knows who the hell i am. no one has any clue about the experiences i've had, my thoughts and beliefs about life, my incredibly random sense of humor (that apparently no one here gets), and just everything about me. it's because of all this that i've been kindof odd lately. i haven't been myself. i really dont like that. and i feel like people are neglecting me. it's just putting me in a very blah mood lately. i feel like i need some of my people here with me, so that i can finally get the chance to be myself, stay myself, and show everyone who john minneci is.
aside from that, i am still loving everything here. i love being able to go to parks whenever i want. i really want to go to a park by myself one of these days. some people may say "why?". some people may think it's pathetic, but i think it would be a terrific experience for me. especially with the parks down here. the orlando parks are the reason that my obsession is the way it is. sure, i love coasters, but when it comes down to it, i really don't give a crap about them. what i care about is a genuine theme park. disney world, islands of adventure. those are my parks. they don't have to have coasters or big bad attractions. just to be able to walk around and observe everything and take it all in. the parks are so beautiful, and in all the park visits i've made since i've been down here, i haven't been able to actually enjoy that. i'll end up going to a park, and the group i'm with will want to go directly from ride to ride and keep going on that vicious cycle. i want to take time to go to a park by myself and just walk around. i want to observe everything. i want to sit down and people watch. i want to take pictures of things that most visitors wouldn't really care to appreciate. if people find that sad and pathetic, then that's fine. i know i don't think that way. i think it's an excellent opportunity to actually see everything that a park has to offer, not just the attractions. so hopefully i'll get the opportunity to do that soon. the only thing is, i know that if i do that, i'll be missing out on something. i'll go to a park by myself, and while i'm gone, my friends will all do something without me and have a great time, with some really unforgettable stories. then i'll come back, and it'll make me feel like i'll have missed something incredible, and then i'll feel guilty for going out and doing what i did. oh well, i want to do it, and i'm going to. i don't care what happens while i'm out. i want to do it.
angie. she's coming to visit me. thanksgiving. i couldn't be more excited. unless someone comes to visit me before then, she'll be my first visitor down in florida. i can't think of a more perfect first visitor. i am so incredibly excited to spend time with her and her family. i love them all so much, and i know that it's going to be a freaking fantastic experience. i'll get to show them islands of adventure, could it be more perfect? i'm thinking no. so yeah, can't wait for that.
aside from that, i am still loving everything here. i love being able to go to parks whenever i want. i really want to go to a park by myself one of these days. some people may say "why?". some people may think it's pathetic, but i think it would be a terrific experience for me. especially with the parks down here. the orlando parks are the reason that my obsession is the way it is. sure, i love coasters, but when it comes down to it, i really don't give a crap about them. what i care about is a genuine theme park. disney world, islands of adventure. those are my parks. they don't have to have coasters or big bad attractions. just to be able to walk around and observe everything and take it all in. the parks are so beautiful, and in all the park visits i've made since i've been down here, i haven't been able to actually enjoy that. i'll end up going to a park, and the group i'm with will want to go directly from ride to ride and keep going on that vicious cycle. i want to take time to go to a park by myself and just walk around. i want to observe everything. i want to sit down and people watch. i want to take pictures of things that most visitors wouldn't really care to appreciate. if people find that sad and pathetic, then that's fine. i know i don't think that way. i think it's an excellent opportunity to actually see everything that a park has to offer, not just the attractions. so hopefully i'll get the opportunity to do that soon. the only thing is, i know that if i do that, i'll be missing out on something. i'll go to a park by myself, and while i'm gone, my friends will all do something without me and have a great time, with some really unforgettable stories. then i'll come back, and it'll make me feel like i'll have missed something incredible, and then i'll feel guilty for going out and doing what i did. oh well, i want to do it, and i'm going to. i don't care what happens while i'm out. i want to do it.
angie. she's coming to visit me. thanksgiving. i couldn't be more excited. unless someone comes to visit me before then, she'll be my first visitor down in florida. i can't think of a more perfect first visitor. i am so incredibly excited to spend time with her and her family. i love them all so much, and i know that it's going to be a freaking fantastic experience. i'll get to show them islands of adventure, could it be more perfect? i'm thinking no. so yeah, can't wait for that.