Oct 30, 2004 02:31
Somethin rach wrote to me last year for christmas. this is gonna be really long, i found it in my drawer the other day, thought i would put it down
I wish i could give u something amazing for Christmas. Something that shows how much i love u. But i could give u the world and that wouldnt show how much i care about u, and words cant express it. Or maybe i cant find the words. I dont know, i only know i love u. Sometimes i take u for granted and i forget how lucky i am that were together, and i forget that not many ppl out there get to have these feelings i do. And it was when i was looking into ur eyes the other night, when i realized im never going to meet anyone like u ever agian. I'll never find anyone who will hold me tight when im scared, or put up with my emotions or cuddle with me for hours. There isnt any other guy out there who will stroke my cheek or play stupid games with me. Your the only one who will ever randomly kiss me or love as much as u do. Maybe thats why i get so sad sometimes. Im afraid of losing u, of letting this all slip away like other things have. Im sorry u have to deal with this , but please just dont ever go. Remember when u said "were soulmates" and "were perfect together". Its so true, and i love it when u say things like that. It doesnt matter how many times u say it. I still get butterflies in my stomach everytime.
When i first saw u , i knew there was just something about u, i knew deep down inside that u were the guy, the guy that i could love and hold and would do the same for me inreturn. I never thought when u asked me out that i would ever feel like this, and i really didnt think i'd lose my virginity, but im so glad i did. Im so happy that i experienced it the way its suppoused to be. As an expression of love , and not as some drunk night at a party. I did it with someone i truely love, and not some random guy. ILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT NIGHT. The radio playing softly, the lights off with the candel flickering throught the darkness. Ill never forget the first time we kisssed, the first time u called me baby. All those sweet things u said "were ment to be", " i'll never meet anyone like u agian". All those times u wipped away the tears on my cheeks, told me it was all going to be ok, held me so close and tight. All those wonderfull memories, when we played r stupid games and discovered each other, and i discovered things on my own. And fell completely in love with each other. I will never, ever forget it all. Those were the most beautiful times of my life. Through all the pain and tears these months with u have caused me, comes such love and joy. It was worth all the suffering, and u will never fade from my memory. And now i dont need much from life. Just r passion for each other. All i want is to be with u. Just to lay in ur warmth and listen to u breathe and be overwhelmed by thos indescribable feelings i hold for u.
And its those moments that its so hard to breathe, and its when i of those times that i miss u so much. Sometimes i think there just might be a god. Your exactly what i had always prayed for. I think of how u could have died so young and small and i would have never know anything i know now
You've saved me a hundred times. I would have taken my life if not for ur love and care.
Sometimes i think u dont enjoy me or love me as much anymore. But then when im laying in ur arms and our eyes meet, and i see so much more then beauty and warmth. I see love that words cant describe, and its those moments that i cry
I know that u saved me from myself. I know u gave me so much more then ur heart. I know i will always love u, and whenever u need me , ill be here. Ill always care. Im sorry for my ups and downs , but now its my turn to be strong and u've showed me that. Thinking of all those times u hurt me and broke me beyond repair
and all the times i knew i should've let u go. But i just couldnt. I told Clayton about this once.
That how u scared me so bad but i wouldnt let u slip away. He said " thats when u know its ment to be"
I doubted it at the time, but now i dont. Everytime u laugh, everytime i see ur pretty face , everytime i touch u. I see it in ur eyes , because it doesnt need to be said.
I know u love me and i love u so deeply too.
Your mine, and im yours, and baby if u want ill be urs forever. Dallas ill never forget u . U changed me in so many ways. A part of me will always love u, if not all. Promise me u'll never hurt urself agian, because i just ache when i see u in pain. No Christmas present is good enough for u , but i hope this came close. I love u with every part of me. Merry Christmas. Love Rachael