I love the color orange. How many of you knew that? Mmhmm. Anyway, I was kinda excited when I found this little ensemble. Right color, and perfect for what I need it for.
A Bit of Tough Love....williamboydApril 2 2003, 05:58:53 UTC
I don't want you to go, either.
I used to feel exactly how you feel, Kyle. Gabe knows probably better than anyone that my return to this Fellowship has not been an easy one. My mun, the Afro Whore of quotes, once posted in her personal journal a quote that says People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. Considering that quote it can also be said that just because someone takes a different road doesn't mean we won't all end up at the same destination. You want to know one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with Atti? When he and I first got together, I spoke to him several times of how much I missed my mates. I complained about how much I missed pumelling Elijah and being tormented by Dom. I spoke of how much I missed Viggo's wisdom. The first thousand times I brought up the subject, Atti hid his frustration. But finally, he all but slapped me in the face and told me to grab life by the balls--pick up the telephone and refuse to take no for an answer. Then he told me he didn't want to hear about it again. At first, I was offended. I felt he was being unfair because he didn't understand how left out I felt. After a sleepless night, I got up, made some coffee and called Viggo. That was....what? two months ago? Maybe less? The point is, I now speak to Viggo fairly often, and I'm in NZ having a blast with Dom and Elijah (and Atti). That bit of "tough love" on Atti's part made me sort of step up to the plate instead of sitting around waiting for the world to fall in my lap. What I first took as an insult ended up being the lifeboat that kept me from drowning.
I haven't been very attentive for a couple of weeks. I'm aware of this. I'll admit Atti has been my primary concern and because it's important to me I've dedicated just about all of my attention to it. But believe me when I say it doesn't mean I care any less.
I don't know how you'll take what I've said because I haven't gotten to know you as well as I've gotten to know Gabe. No, I haven't betrayed myself--I've simply changed my attitude. I'm still the same Billy; I still get wrapped up in my thoughts and refuse to get naked in public unless I'm sure I won't get caught ;). But it got to the point where I had two options: shite or get off the pot. Sitting on the pot got me nowhere, so I tried something different. If you feel that won't work for you, then I understand, but I say again, it's not as bad as you think. I don't want you to leave AT ALL. Think about this: if you do, you'll be running. Run, Forrest, run--it's what this Fellowship was about for a long time. I did it myself and TRUST me when I say the shit. doesn't. work. Don't make me add your name to the list of those I'm going to buy a brand spanking new pair of Nikes for this Christmas. I know you well enough to know you're above that. Stick around.
And pick up the damn phone. I think you'd be surprised.
Re: A Bit of Tough Love....cnutipilotsApril 2 2003, 11:46:00 UTC
I know ya don't, Billy. And you've been there for me in your own, quiet way.
As far as the fellowship, you were always part of it. We were just employees that didn't quite work out. I know how hard it was for you to come back. Hell, I was with Gabe during a lot of the convos you used to have. You were right to go on and get back what you once had with the fellowship. We never had it.
I'm pretty much a happy guy. Heh. You know Gabe calls me happyperkybouncyblowin'sunshineoutmyass. and it's true for the most part. but i'm also really loyal and quick to defend my loved ones. I'm not happy if Gabe or Mia or Mirry is hurtin' for some reason. The rest of my family too, but they're in Waterston and not involved here.
Yeah, I used to have fun with them. Me and Atti used to goof around a lot. Bowlin' and hot tubs... just silly shit. Went out with Dom and Eli a few times. Got yanked into a game with Orli and his sis. Never ever talked to Vig that I can think of, other than a reprimand after we said something that didn't set too well. Don't recall ever talkin' to him on aim though. As for the rest... moot.
I'm glad you and Atti got together. Not sure what it's like with you now, but I really like the both of you a lot. Like I said before, me and Atti used to be kinda tight. Heh. I blew that after when I made a remark about how someone was really loved and it pissed him off. He told Gabe. *nods*
I'm not runnin' from, Billy. Just cuttin' loose and movin' on from a situation that was hurtin' me for many, many reasons. May not be as bad as I think... but by whose perspective? Yours? Mine? Theirs? We should once in a while try to look at it from another's viewpoint, ya know? Hell, Gabe didn't know you from Adam when you came back, but he knew you were in a really hard spot and wanted you to feel welcome - even if it was only him. Same with Mia and Atti... he took the initive to reach out. I'm the sidekick... and follow his lead. But that's gettin' offtrack. Anyway, you look at my lj from an outsider's view - not knowin' jack about me, and you tell me if it looks like I even exist for anyone other than Gabe and Mia and occasionally Mirry. Nope. So on that note... I'm packin' up and outta here. Startin' fresh elsewhere.
As far as pickin' up the phone... Not always possible. The mun is away from aim 3-4 nights a week and lj is the only way to communicate. That's how Mia and I talk for the most part. Heh. Talk... yeah. *grins* But if you remember the chat from a week ago, it was suggested that we use lj more and less aim. That lasted all of a day. *nods*. Heh. And Gabe was so excited about that too. *sigh* I'll keep in touch, Billy, and I'm not all that far away. Anyone can find me if they really want to, but I hope they don't look unless their sincere in interactin' again.
I used to feel exactly how you feel, Kyle. Gabe knows probably better than anyone that my return to this Fellowship has not been an easy one. My mun, the Afro Whore of quotes, once posted in her personal journal a quote that says People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. Considering that quote it can also be said that just because someone takes a different road doesn't mean we won't all end up at the same destination. You want to know one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with Atti? When he and I first got together, I spoke to him several times of how much I missed my mates. I complained about how much I missed pumelling Elijah and being tormented by Dom. I spoke of how much I missed Viggo's wisdom. The first thousand times I brought up the subject, Atti hid his frustration. But finally, he all but slapped me in the face and told me to grab life by the balls--pick up the telephone and refuse to take no for an answer. Then he told me he didn't want to hear about it again. At first, I was offended. I felt he was being unfair because he didn't understand how left out I felt. After a sleepless night, I got up, made some coffee and called Viggo. That was....what? two months ago? Maybe less? The point is, I now speak to Viggo fairly often, and I'm in NZ having a blast with Dom and Elijah (and Atti). That bit of "tough love" on Atti's part made me sort of step up to the plate instead of sitting around waiting for the world to fall in my lap. What I first took as an insult ended up being the lifeboat that kept me from drowning.
I haven't been very attentive for a couple of weeks. I'm aware of this. I'll admit Atti has been my primary concern and because it's important to me I've dedicated just about all of my attention to it. But believe me when I say it doesn't mean I care any less.
I don't know how you'll take what I've said because I haven't gotten to know you as well as I've gotten to know Gabe. No, I haven't betrayed myself--I've simply changed my attitude. I'm still the same Billy; I still get wrapped up in my thoughts and refuse to get naked in public unless I'm sure I won't get caught ;). But it got to the point where I had two options: shite or get off the pot. Sitting on the pot got me nowhere, so I tried something different. If you feel that won't work for you, then I understand, but I say again, it's not as bad as you think. I don't want you to leave AT ALL. Think about this: if you do, you'll be running. Run, Forrest, run--it's what this Fellowship was about for a long time. I did it myself and TRUST me when I say the shit. doesn't. work. Don't make me add your name to the list of those I'm going to buy a brand spanking new pair of Nikes for this Christmas. I know you well enough to know you're above that. Stick around.
And pick up the damn phone. I think you'd be surprised.
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As far as the fellowship, you were always part of it. We were just employees that didn't quite work out. I know how hard it was for you to come back. Hell, I was with Gabe during a lot of the convos you used to have. You were right to go on and get back what you once had with the fellowship. We never had it.
I'm pretty much a happy guy. Heh. You know Gabe calls me happyperkybouncyblowin'sunshineoutmyass. and it's true for the most part. but i'm also really loyal and quick to defend my loved ones. I'm not happy if Gabe or Mia or Mirry is hurtin' for some reason. The rest of my family too, but they're in Waterston and not involved here.
Yeah, I used to have fun with them. Me and Atti used to goof around a lot. Bowlin' and hot tubs... just silly shit. Went out with Dom and Eli a few times. Got yanked into a game with Orli and his sis. Never ever talked to Vig that I can think of, other than a reprimand after we said something that didn't set too well. Don't recall ever talkin' to him on aim though. As for the rest... moot.
I'm glad you and Atti got together. Not sure what it's like with you now, but I really like the both of you a lot. Like I said before, me and Atti used to be kinda tight. Heh. I blew that after when I made a remark about how someone was really loved and it pissed him off. He told Gabe. *nods*
I'm not runnin' from, Billy. Just cuttin' loose and movin' on from a situation that was hurtin' me for many, many reasons. May not be as bad as I think... but by whose perspective? Yours? Mine? Theirs? We should once in a while try to look at it from another's viewpoint, ya know? Hell, Gabe didn't know you from Adam when you came back, but he knew you were in a really hard spot and wanted you to feel welcome - even if it was only him. Same with Mia and Atti... he took the initive to reach out. I'm the sidekick... and follow his lead. But that's gettin' offtrack. Anyway, you look at my lj from an outsider's view - not knowin' jack about me, and you tell me if it looks like I even exist for anyone other than Gabe and Mia and occasionally Mirry. Nope. So on that note... I'm packin' up and outta here. Startin' fresh elsewhere.
As far as pickin' up the phone... Not always possible. The mun is away from aim 3-4 nights a week and lj is the only way to communicate. That's how Mia and I talk for the most part. Heh. Talk... yeah. *grins* But if you remember the chat from a week ago, it was suggested that we use lj more and less aim. That lasted all of a day. *nods*. Heh. And Gabe was so excited about that too. *sigh*
I'll keep in touch, Billy, and I'm not all that far away. Anyone can find me if they really want to, but I hope they don't look unless their sincere in interactin' again.
Love ya, man.
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