(no subject)
This livejouirnal thing is supposed to be about yourself and whats going on in your life. I think today id rather go back and tell everyone all the things i've never said for reasons i dont know. Alright, so i think it is time that i tell the Brittany-Mickey Story.
So the first part is short. Im in seventh grade and i have a friend named TJ. I use to practically live at the boys and girls club and he use to mention a boy named McKinley and i thought what a funny name. But he said he was cool but i never met him. I first met Mickey in the art hall waiting for some other class and i heard his name and asked him if he was the guy i had heard so much about. The only other thing we said was "yeah"...."oh" And i thought to myself he's weirder then i thought. No love at first sight just me, a fence rider between happy and what i didnt know was out there and this boy who im sure was just as fine.
Well God is ironic and i give him props...A year later and in the same hall is where i met him again and didnt even place him as the same boy. He was adorable, he grew hair and he was shy around me. When he spoke he looked me right in the eyes and whenever i talked i wouldnt remeber what i said after. A few weeks after seeing him in my art class i had a project to do with nowlin and courtney but we were getting nowhere. And i remeber seeing him come and feeling like something very scary was going to happen, but it was a good feeling, i jsut dont think i ever thought i would feel it about anyone. I guess i should also tell you that me then was a mess. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I didnt like much light. I was the quiet one.But i still had a lot of friends and i was happy, but i just felt like i was frozen and i probably would have stayed the same if i never met him. Well to make it short, he gave me his skittles and made me laugh and i gave him a ride home. I thought it would be the last time i would really see him, and the lat time he actually took the time to notice me. And i didnt hear from him for a few days. Well.. i thought that was how it went with me.. cause it always did. But he found my screen name and talk to me and didn't quit. It was.... wonderful.
All the rest is history and you've seen us and heard about us and know. But not really. Cause we are more personal people. We've never been very public in front of people. But i loved how he would stay with me and my friends and talk to me and them and WANT to be there. He has never been phony. Hes so sincere, and its something you dont find very often. But we went thorught so much.... breaking up and being away and coming back and its hard to find the line between right and wrong. And do you want to know why? Because there isn't one. It's like when a friend truly hurts you, do you jsut give up? no... never. Mickey is exactly like that but totally not. For me to know mickey is to know everything. Its hard for two people to just be friends when you dont have boundaries. I was never afraid to tell him anything or kiss him or be myself. Hes never had a problem with me..never told me to be something im not, in fact he was jsut there and i changed into something I wanted to be.I learned so much from him and i want to be just like him. But im not there yet. I want to be have everything and be able to balance it. He cares so much about his friends and Me and anything he does. And if no one was against him, he'd be the most amazing guy there is
Part 3 Me, The line between happy and secure is a deep one. Its easy to fall into the cracks. We're both two... good and self set people. We rely on ourselves and its hard to attach to someone for so long. We are just us. And sometimes we forget how much we need eachother. But i can only account on my part for the rest. Instead of letting things work... I've jsut been eating away at his confidence about us. I did ask him to change for me. I thought i was worth it. But whether or not that was true, it doesn't change the fact that thats not the boy i fell in love with. And if i believe he should be someone else, i dont deserve him . So i took a plunge this week.And i realized that i was wrong. Real wrong. To be jelous? no i cant help who i am. and ill change as i always do and probably get better with his help like he has always been. Because hes never done anything to shake my confidence in him. He is perfectly himself. And as much as i could wonder he will always be as wonderful as he was the day before. And i almost lost him another time. I guess the deal is is that we are so different.. than really anyone can understand. Maybe more than i can but hes nowhere near worth losing over my own insecurities. Maybe i will, i cant help that but we made a pat we wouldn't let the other one just give up. And now maybe ive screwed up things so much but i wont ruin us. I love him with no end.That wont change no matter what. I make as many mistakes as him and i would never put them against him, not if i was being honest with myself. I hope our story has a part 4 and 5 and 6 and... who knows. It's not how much you care for someone that makes it last, its how much they care about you. This is the best story i have. The longest one no doubt and prolly one of the hardest, buts its the best.
Have a great day ... Brittany JO
So the first part is short. Im in seventh grade and i have a friend named TJ. I use to practically live at the boys and girls club and he use to mention a boy named McKinley and i thought what a funny name. But he said he was cool but i never met him. I first met Mickey in the art hall waiting for some other class and i heard his name and asked him if he was the guy i had heard so much about. The only other thing we said was "yeah"...."oh" And i thought to myself he's weirder then i thought. No love at first sight just me, a fence rider between happy and what i didnt know was out there and this boy who im sure was just as fine.
Well God is ironic and i give him props...A year later and in the same hall is where i met him again and didnt even place him as the same boy. He was adorable, he grew hair and he was shy around me. When he spoke he looked me right in the eyes and whenever i talked i wouldnt remeber what i said after. A few weeks after seeing him in my art class i had a project to do with nowlin and courtney but we were getting nowhere. And i remeber seeing him come and feeling like something very scary was going to happen, but it was a good feeling, i jsut dont think i ever thought i would feel it about anyone. I guess i should also tell you that me then was a mess. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I didnt like much light. I was the quiet one.But i still had a lot of friends and i was happy, but i just felt like i was frozen and i probably would have stayed the same if i never met him. Well to make it short, he gave me his skittles and made me laugh and i gave him a ride home. I thought it would be the last time i would really see him, and the lat time he actually took the time to notice me. And i didnt hear from him for a few days. Well.. i thought that was how it went with me.. cause it always did. But he found my screen name and talk to me and didn't quit. It was.... wonderful.
All the rest is history and you've seen us and heard about us and know. But not really. Cause we are more personal people. We've never been very public in front of people. But i loved how he would stay with me and my friends and talk to me and them and WANT to be there. He has never been phony. Hes so sincere, and its something you dont find very often. But we went thorught so much.... breaking up and being away and coming back and its hard to find the line between right and wrong. And do you want to know why? Because there isn't one. It's like when a friend truly hurts you, do you jsut give up? no... never. Mickey is exactly like that but totally not. For me to know mickey is to know everything. Its hard for two people to just be friends when you dont have boundaries. I was never afraid to tell him anything or kiss him or be myself. Hes never had a problem with me..never told me to be something im not, in fact he was jsut there and i changed into something I wanted to be.I learned so much from him and i want to be just like him. But im not there yet. I want to be have everything and be able to balance it. He cares so much about his friends and Me and anything he does. And if no one was against him, he'd be the most amazing guy there is
Part 3 Me, The line between happy and secure is a deep one. Its easy to fall into the cracks. We're both two... good and self set people. We rely on ourselves and its hard to attach to someone for so long. We are just us. And sometimes we forget how much we need eachother. But i can only account on my part for the rest. Instead of letting things work... I've jsut been eating away at his confidence about us. I did ask him to change for me. I thought i was worth it. But whether or not that was true, it doesn't change the fact that thats not the boy i fell in love with. And if i believe he should be someone else, i dont deserve him . So i took a plunge this week.And i realized that i was wrong. Real wrong. To be jelous? no i cant help who i am. and ill change as i always do and probably get better with his help like he has always been. Because hes never done anything to shake my confidence in him. He is perfectly himself. And as much as i could wonder he will always be as wonderful as he was the day before. And i almost lost him another time. I guess the deal is is that we are so different.. than really anyone can understand. Maybe more than i can but hes nowhere near worth losing over my own insecurities. Maybe i will, i cant help that but we made a pat we wouldn't let the other one just give up. And now maybe ive screwed up things so much but i wont ruin us. I love him with no end.That wont change no matter what. I make as many mistakes as him and i would never put them against him, not if i was being honest with myself. I hope our story has a part 4 and 5 and 6 and... who knows. It's not how much you care for someone that makes it last, its how much they care about you. This is the best story i have. The longest one no doubt and prolly one of the hardest, buts its the best.
Have a great day ... Brittany JO