(no subject)
Why do I care so much what others think? Why do I try so hard to defend myself when my past is brought up in conversation? Why do I always feel the need to explain myself?
I know I have worked hard to be different…. Or REACT different.
I know I have come a long way… further than I thought I needed to go.
But I still find the need to explain myself. Why do I care what others think of me? I know I don’t like to be disliked. I really want people to like me…unless I don’t like them. Then I don’t really care too much what people think. WHY? Why do I have this double standard thing?
I sometimes pride myself on being such a “bitch”. On being so (head) strong that I won’t let people walk over me (or not in ways I can control or care about). Yet, I still wish I could be nicer more often. More so to the point that people don’t need their guard up when they first meet me. A few have told me that knowing my past, they are a little apprehensive to meeting me.
It eats me up sometimes.
Sometimes.