RANT or Reasonable Observation about Judgmental Gossips: You Be the Judge.
“Judgmental Gossips” in general and especially in our regional GLBT leather community - You can dismiss this post as a RANT or share your take on this issue…
I've recently been hearing a lot of judgmental statements from some friends & acquaintances in our social circle. The judgmental statements are most often coming from people who appear to have lived relatively easy lives (I realize one’s struggles are relative to their experiences) and their statements are directed towards others in our same circle with enough frequency that I’m becoming disturbed by it. Most often, the people being “judged” have lived difficult lives and are even now struggling with significant challenges. Some of these more private people have confided in me, sharing some of the obstacles they have been dealing with or have overcome. Most admit they may not have always made the best choices in their lives, however they are trying to do the best they can and keep their problems private (as much as possible). These are not "woe is me" kinda people but folks, who for the most part, just buck it up and find creative ways to survive with minimal whining. However, the friends who feel entitled to sit in judgment of others have either no clue about what its like to have to face real difficulties in life, or they choose not to be inconvenienced by trying to even conceive what others may be dealing with. - Ok now that was me being judgmental, huh?!
Yes, I’m guilty of being judgmental too. Of course I’m guilty of it, but I really try to curb it and especially lately, being more aware of the gossip & dismissive statements flying all around me, I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts/feelings to myself. More than once lately I've been tempted to quote "walk a mile in their shoes" or even share some of the private info I'm aware of, but it’s not my place to break someone’s confidence. I have started telling the gossips that I prefer not to hear friends talk crap about friends… I don’t think this is helping me in the popularity department, and speaking up brings with it the possibility of getting caught up in the gossip, or appearing to be a know-it-all / judgmental / condescending. It’s been something I’ve tried to work out for myself in my private journal but it seems to be escalating lately and when I saw a particular post on a friend’s LJ I decided I needed to step up and write something about this issue in mine as well.
A recent LJ post by gearjock discussed whether or not to speak up when you’re aware of an injustice or hear your friends gossiping about one another …or just keep your thoughts/feelings to yourself… He references a quote from Abe Lincoln who said something to the effect of "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." Well, any of you who know me will know I’m not afraid to speak up, though over the past year I’ve been learning to keep more of my thoughts inside than out cause my mouth gets me into lots of trouble.
As members of the gay leather community, many people I know throw out the trump card that "but I don't judge others!" yet they in fact do judge others and often with a swift, blunt sword. I especially struggle with those leatherfolk who profess to be above all the gossip… and state “they don’t judge - they just *listen* to what people want to tell them and otherwise keep out of it!” But these same people are right there ready to share all the details of what they’ve heard… and pass it on. This brings to mind a comedy sketch show that was on TV the early 90’s “In Living Color!” where one character used the phrase “…but I’m not one to gossip, so you ain’t heard nuthin from me!” It’s funny when it’s on a sit-com… tragic when it’s people who call themselves friends talking about one another behind the others’ backs! Even worse, when it’s leatherfolk who you would expect to know better and thought they were the type to “hold themselves to a higher standard.”
So is the answer to stay quiet and mind my own business or do I discretely speak up and remind my friends that things are never as simple or clean-cut as they appear on the surface? Can’t help but think about good ole Abe Lincoln’s statement "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." Is staying quiet and under the radar the way to go??
I've recently been hearing a lot of judgmental statements from some friends & acquaintances in our social circle. The judgmental statements are most often coming from people who appear to have lived relatively easy lives (I realize one’s struggles are relative to their experiences) and their statements are directed towards others in our same circle with enough frequency that I’m becoming disturbed by it. Most often, the people being “judged” have lived difficult lives and are even now struggling with significant challenges. Some of these more private people have confided in me, sharing some of the obstacles they have been dealing with or have overcome. Most admit they may not have always made the best choices in their lives, however they are trying to do the best they can and keep their problems private (as much as possible). These are not "woe is me" kinda people but folks, who for the most part, just buck it up and find creative ways to survive with minimal whining. However, the friends who feel entitled to sit in judgment of others have either no clue about what its like to have to face real difficulties in life, or they choose not to be inconvenienced by trying to even conceive what others may be dealing with. - Ok now that was me being judgmental, huh?!
Yes, I’m guilty of being judgmental too. Of course I’m guilty of it, but I really try to curb it and especially lately, being more aware of the gossip & dismissive statements flying all around me, I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts/feelings to myself. More than once lately I've been tempted to quote "walk a mile in their shoes" or even share some of the private info I'm aware of, but it’s not my place to break someone’s confidence. I have started telling the gossips that I prefer not to hear friends talk crap about friends… I don’t think this is helping me in the popularity department, and speaking up brings with it the possibility of getting caught up in the gossip, or appearing to be a know-it-all / judgmental / condescending. It’s been something I’ve tried to work out for myself in my private journal but it seems to be escalating lately and when I saw a particular post on a friend’s LJ I decided I needed to step up and write something about this issue in mine as well.
A recent LJ post by gearjock discussed whether or not to speak up when you’re aware of an injustice or hear your friends gossiping about one another …or just keep your thoughts/feelings to yourself… He references a quote from Abe Lincoln who said something to the effect of "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." Well, any of you who know me will know I’m not afraid to speak up, though over the past year I’ve been learning to keep more of my thoughts inside than out cause my mouth gets me into lots of trouble.
As members of the gay leather community, many people I know throw out the trump card that "but I don't judge others!" yet they in fact do judge others and often with a swift, blunt sword. I especially struggle with those leatherfolk who profess to be above all the gossip… and state “they don’t judge - they just *listen* to what people want to tell them and otherwise keep out of it!” But these same people are right there ready to share all the details of what they’ve heard… and pass it on. This brings to mind a comedy sketch show that was on TV the early 90’s “In Living Color!” where one character used the phrase “…but I’m not one to gossip, so you ain’t heard nuthin from me!” It’s funny when it’s on a sit-com… tragic when it’s people who call themselves friends talking about one another behind the others’ backs! Even worse, when it’s leatherfolk who you would expect to know better and thought they were the type to “hold themselves to a higher standard.”
So is the answer to stay quiet and mind my own business or do I discretely speak up and remind my friends that things are never as simple or clean-cut as they appear on the surface? Can’t help but think about good ole Abe Lincoln’s statement "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." Is staying quiet and under the radar the way to go??