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Liz lent me this book called Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. It's about This girl Liz (yep, thats right another Liz) Who dies and goes to Elsewhere (basically Heaven) where everyone ages in reverse to be released and reborn on Earth. This one part of the book that I am going to share spoke so much to me, it really described some of the emotions that I have been experiencing right now. Of course I am bawling through this chapter and my sister calls and freaks out because I am a basketcase. Anyway, just so everyone knows Liz can speak Cainie, its part of her avocation. And Sadie was the first dog that Liz ever talked too, and Lucy is her pug that is introduced at the beinging of the novel.
The Change
In the year Liz turns eight, Sadie becomes a puppy again. In the months leading up to her Relase, Sadie grows smaller, her fur becomes softer, her breath sweeter, her eyes clearer. She speaks less and less until she doesn't speak at all. Before her theeth fall out, she chews up several of Liz's books. Although Sadie spends most of her time napping in Betty''s garden, she has strange bursts of manic activity where all she wants to do is wrestle with Paco and Jen. Both older dogs tolerate Sadie's outbursts with considerable equanimity.
In the weeks before her Release, Sadie becomes so small you can barely tell she is a puppy. She might have been a large mouse. her eyes seal closed, and Liuz has to fe her tiny drops of milk from her pinky. Sadie still seems to recognize her name when Liz says it.
On the dawn of the Release, Liz and Owen drive Sadie to the River. It is the first Release Liz has attended since her own aborted attempt six years ago.
At sunrise, a wind begins to blow. The current carries the babies faster and faster down the River, back to Earth. Liz wathes Sadie in the current for as long as possible. Sadie becomes a dot, then a speck, then nothing at all.
On the drive home, Owen notices that Liz is unusually quiet. "You're sad about Sadie," he says.
Liz shakes her head. She hasn't cried and she doesn't feel particularlu sad. Not that she feels happu either. In truth, she hasn't felt much of anything aside from a general tightness in her belly, as if her stomach is making fist. "No," Liz replies, "not sad exactly."
"What is it, then?" Owen asks.
"I'm not all that sad," Liz says, "because Sadie hadn't been Sadie for a while, and I knew this would happen eventually." Li oauses, tring to precisely articulate her feelings. "what I am is a mix of Scard, happy, and excited, I think."
"All those things at once?" Owen asks.
"Yes. I'm happy and excied because it's nice to think of my friend somewhere on Earth. I like thinking of a dog, who won't be called Sadie, but will still be my Sadie all the same."
"You said scared, too."
"I worry about the people that will take care of her on Earth. I hope they'll be nice to her, and treat her with good humor and love, and brush her coat, and feed her things other than kibble, because she gets bored always eating the same thing." Liz sighs. "It's such a terribly dangerous thing being a baby when you think about it. So much can go wrong."
Owen kisses Liz gently on the forehead, "Sadie will be fine."
"You don't know that!" Liz protests. "Sadie could enf up with people who keep her cooped up all day, or put cigarette butts in her coat." Liz's eyes tear at the thought.
"I know that Sadie will be fine," Owen says calmly.
"But how do you know?"
"I know," he says, "because I choose to believe it is so."
Liz rolls her eyes. "Sometimes, Owen, you can be so totally full of it."
Owen's feelings are hurt. He doesn't speak to Liz for the rest of the car ride home.
Later that night, Liz weeps for Sadie. She weeps so loudly she wakes Betty.
"Oh, doll," Betty Says, "you can get another dog if you want. I know it won't be Sadie, but..."
"No," Liz replies through her tears. "I can't . I just can't."
"Are you sure?"
I'll never have another dog," Liz says firmly, "and please don't ever, ever, ever mention it to me again."
A month later, Liz changes her mind when an aged pug named Lucy arrives in Elsewhere. At thirteen years old, Lucy had finally died peacefully in her sleep, in Liz's childhood room. (Liz's possessions had been boxed up years ago, but Lucy never stopped sleeping there.)
From the shore, Liz watches Lucy, slightly arthritic and grayer in the face, waddle down the boardwalk, She waddles right up to Liz and wags her loosely curled tail three times. She cocks her head, squinting up at Liz with bulging brown eyes.
"Where've you been?" Lucy asks.
"I died," Liz answers in Canine.
"Oh right, i tried not to think about that too much. I just pretended you went to college early and didn't visit very often." Lucy nods her sweet wrinkly head. "We missed you a lot, you know. lavy, Olivia, Arthur, and me."
"I missed you guys, too." Liz lifts Lucy up from the ground nd holds the heavy little lapdog in her arms.
"You've gained weight," Liz teases.
"only a pound or two or maybe three, no more than that," Lucy answers. "Personally, I think I look better with a little heft."
"Multum in parvo," Liz jokes. It's Latin, meaning "much in little." This is the pug motto and favorite joke of :iz's familu because of Lucy's tendency to gain wight.
"Liz," Lucy asks, squintying up at the sky, "is this up there? Is this ... heaven?"
"I don't know," Liz answers.
"It isn't 'down there,' is it?"
"I certainly don't think so," Liz laughs.
The dog gently sniffs the air. "well, it smells alot like Earth," she concludes," only a bit saltier."
"It;s good that you can speak so well now," Lucy whispers in Liz's ear. "I have so much to tell you about everything and everybody."
Liz smiles. "I can't wait."
"But first, let's get something to eat, and then take a nap. And a bath, then a nap. Then something else to eat, and maybe a walk. But then definitely something else to eat."
Liz sets Lucy on the ground, and the two walk home with Lucy chattering away.
Yup even typing it and reading it again I start crying. It makes me want to resolve and in sixteen and a half years to find a litter of kittens and find my Jammers... Name her Katrina Sodapop Jammers the 6th the rerun. I really do think this book helped me deal with my grief in ways, its not because I don't believe in the afterlife because I seriously do, but because it is a refreshing take on the afterlife and reincarnation.
The Change
In the year Liz turns eight, Sadie becomes a puppy again. In the months leading up to her Relase, Sadie grows smaller, her fur becomes softer, her breath sweeter, her eyes clearer. She speaks less and less until she doesn't speak at all. Before her theeth fall out, she chews up several of Liz's books. Although Sadie spends most of her time napping in Betty''s garden, she has strange bursts of manic activity where all she wants to do is wrestle with Paco and Jen. Both older dogs tolerate Sadie's outbursts with considerable equanimity.
In the weeks before her Release, Sadie becomes so small you can barely tell she is a puppy. She might have been a large mouse. her eyes seal closed, and Liuz has to fe her tiny drops of milk from her pinky. Sadie still seems to recognize her name when Liz says it.
On the dawn of the Release, Liz and Owen drive Sadie to the River. It is the first Release Liz has attended since her own aborted attempt six years ago.
At sunrise, a wind begins to blow. The current carries the babies faster and faster down the River, back to Earth. Liz wathes Sadie in the current for as long as possible. Sadie becomes a dot, then a speck, then nothing at all.
On the drive home, Owen notices that Liz is unusually quiet. "You're sad about Sadie," he says.
Liz shakes her head. She hasn't cried and she doesn't feel particularlu sad. Not that she feels happu either. In truth, she hasn't felt much of anything aside from a general tightness in her belly, as if her stomach is making fist. "No," Liz replies, "not sad exactly."
"What is it, then?" Owen asks.
"I'm not all that sad," Liz says, "because Sadie hadn't been Sadie for a while, and I knew this would happen eventually." Li oauses, tring to precisely articulate her feelings. "what I am is a mix of Scard, happy, and excited, I think."
"All those things at once?" Owen asks.
"Yes. I'm happy and excied because it's nice to think of my friend somewhere on Earth. I like thinking of a dog, who won't be called Sadie, but will still be my Sadie all the same."
"You said scared, too."
"I worry about the people that will take care of her on Earth. I hope they'll be nice to her, and treat her with good humor and love, and brush her coat, and feed her things other than kibble, because she gets bored always eating the same thing." Liz sighs. "It's such a terribly dangerous thing being a baby when you think about it. So much can go wrong."
Owen kisses Liz gently on the forehead, "Sadie will be fine."
"You don't know that!" Liz protests. "Sadie could enf up with people who keep her cooped up all day, or put cigarette butts in her coat." Liz's eyes tear at the thought.
"I know that Sadie will be fine," Owen says calmly.
"But how do you know?"
"I know," he says, "because I choose to believe it is so."
Liz rolls her eyes. "Sometimes, Owen, you can be so totally full of it."
Owen's feelings are hurt. He doesn't speak to Liz for the rest of the car ride home.
Later that night, Liz weeps for Sadie. She weeps so loudly she wakes Betty.
"Oh, doll," Betty Says, "you can get another dog if you want. I know it won't be Sadie, but..."
"No," Liz replies through her tears. "I can't . I just can't."
"Are you sure?"
I'll never have another dog," Liz says firmly, "and please don't ever, ever, ever mention it to me again."
A month later, Liz changes her mind when an aged pug named Lucy arrives in Elsewhere. At thirteen years old, Lucy had finally died peacefully in her sleep, in Liz's childhood room. (Liz's possessions had been boxed up years ago, but Lucy never stopped sleeping there.)
From the shore, Liz watches Lucy, slightly arthritic and grayer in the face, waddle down the boardwalk, She waddles right up to Liz and wags her loosely curled tail three times. She cocks her head, squinting up at Liz with bulging brown eyes.
"Where've you been?" Lucy asks.
"I died," Liz answers in Canine.
"Oh right, i tried not to think about that too much. I just pretended you went to college early and didn't visit very often." Lucy nods her sweet wrinkly head. "We missed you a lot, you know. lavy, Olivia, Arthur, and me."
"I missed you guys, too." Liz lifts Lucy up from the ground nd holds the heavy little lapdog in her arms.
"You've gained weight," Liz teases.
"only a pound or two or maybe three, no more than that," Lucy answers. "Personally, I think I look better with a little heft."
"Multum in parvo," Liz jokes. It's Latin, meaning "much in little." This is the pug motto and favorite joke of :iz's familu because of Lucy's tendency to gain wight.
"Liz," Lucy asks, squintying up at the sky, "is this up there? Is this ... heaven?"
"I don't know," Liz answers.
"It isn't 'down there,' is it?"
"I certainly don't think so," Liz laughs.
The dog gently sniffs the air. "well, it smells alot like Earth," she concludes," only a bit saltier."
"It;s good that you can speak so well now," Lucy whispers in Liz's ear. "I have so much to tell you about everything and everybody."
Liz smiles. "I can't wait."
"But first, let's get something to eat, and then take a nap. And a bath, then a nap. Then something else to eat, and maybe a walk. But then definitely something else to eat."
Liz sets Lucy on the ground, and the two walk home with Lucy chattering away.
Yup even typing it and reading it again I start crying. It makes me want to resolve and in sixteen and a half years to find a litter of kittens and find my Jammers... Name her Katrina Sodapop Jammers the 6th the rerun. I really do think this book helped me deal with my grief in ways, its not because I don't believe in the afterlife because I seriously do, but because it is a refreshing take on the afterlife and reincarnation.